50 Thoughts XXIV (Holiday Edition)

1. When I was 5, I was coming out of a store at the mall with my mom, and Santa’s throne was straight ahead. We made eye contact and he waved at me. I waved back. If I remember correctly, everyone around us stopped and stared.

2. Back in the 90s, there used to be a show on TV where kids would call in and tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. I never called in, but I enjoyed watching.

3. Every December, I almost get run over by a stroller at the mall. It’s a tradition like no other.

4. I have this theory that most people prefer to shop at the mall that is third closest to their house because the two malls that are closer are smaller and not as impressive.

4.5 Comment below to prove or disprove my theory.

5. If you’re going to be walking around a mall for four hours, does it really make sense to wear a parka, especially if it’s not snowing, and it’s not as cold as it could be?

6. Dress for the situation, not the calendar.

7. Eating breadsticks makes me hungrier.

8. I normally lose weight around this time of year, which I don’t really understand, but I’m not going to question it.

9. Is anyone ever dashing through the snow?

10. I had intended on doing a blog post called, “Lesser-Known Christmas Commercials” where I’d make up items and create commercials for them.

10.5 There was going to be a lottery scratch card called, “Cash 4 Wife”, where every card is a winner.

10.75 The tandem gift would’ve been called, “Wind 4 Husband”, which is just “fresh air” in a bottle.

11. Include batteries. Enough of this nonsense.

12. Tim Allen hasn’t aged since 1993. Maybe those Santa Clause movies were his way of admitting that he is Santa Claus, which is why he never ages.

13. There’s always one person at every holiday party who goes around taking pictures on an iPad.

14. In Grade 1, we made Christmas ornaments at school. I still have them. They’re a symbol of my peak as an artist.

15. My best friend has never seen Home Alone from start to finish. You think you know someone…

16. The Christmas stocking became popular when people realized it would serve the same purpose as a Halloween bucket, except you wouldn’t have to go to anyone’s house.

16.5 This may, or may not, be true.

17. Ribbon always gives me problems.

18. I need more details on what reindeer games are. Do they divide into teams and play European Handball?

19. Movies about Boxing Day should be sequels to Hallmark Christmas movies. Let’s see what these cheery people turn into when there’s a 52-inch TV on sale.

20. You’ve heard of online shopping? Well get ready for the next big thing – online Christmas parties! It’s basically The Sims but each person is someone you know.

20.5 This may, or may not, be true.

21. “What do you get someone who has everything?” is a question that needs to be retired.

22. Do you even lift, snow?

23. I have a theory that the kids who drink glue are the same ones who eat a handful of snow off the ground.

24. I once came across a job posting to be a mall Santa. They prefer natural facial hair.

25. Candy canes are too good to be seasonal.

26. The days between Christmas and New Year’s are always some of the strangest of the year.

27. Hey, remember when January felt like it was 70 days? How did we get to this point?

28. I peak at noon on Christmas before I need an afternoon nap.

29. Christmas songs are very repetitive. Flash your red nose when you notice a pattern in the next three thoughts.

30. Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock…

31. We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year…

32. Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way…

33. Charlie Brown and his pals are about 8-years-old and already have a Friendmas celebration. Where are their parents?

34. Every Canadian kid should experience a backyard/outdoor rink at some point in their childhood.

35. Shovelling snow is fun, unless it’s wet snow and ice boulders block the end of the driveway. Could turn shovelling into an Olympic sport, at that point.

36. Turkey is overrated. I’m sorry.

37. “I’m not apologizing to Buzz, I’d rather kiss a toilet seat.” – Kevin McCallister

38. Dasher – Sounds like a runner.

39. Dancer – Sounds like a dancer.

40. Prancer – Sounds like they have to use the bathroom.

41. Vixen – Sounds like trouble.

42. Comet – Sounds like double trouble.

43. Cupid – Sounds hopeless.

44. Donner – Sounds like a hockey player named, Don.

45. Blitzen – Sounds like they’re rushing the quarterback.

46. I miss the Iron Chef marathon that would be on the Food Network on Boxing Day.

47. Does anyone else specialize in sneaking treats home from a Christmas party via napkins, or just my family?

48. If you don’t have an Advent calendar, just open the cupboards in your kitchen until you find something. (I stole this from Instagram).

49. One of the best Christmas gifts I ever got was a Formula 1 toy racetrack. It had two cars and each had a controller, so we could race them. It didn’t last a long time before the cars built up too much fiction underneath them and had problems running on the track.

50. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of my readers! You’re the best.

Unrelated to this post, I just want to give a shoutout to one of my original blog friends from 2013, Jenna, who hadn’t blogged in a few years but is now back. Give her a follow, check out her latest posts, and tell her Paul sent you. Thanks!