Ask A Canadian

Based on my five years of blogging and interacting with American bloggers, I’ve come to the conclusion that Canadians know more about the US than Americans know about Canada.

Blog friend Becky and I have often discussed the differences between the US and Canada, so I asked her to send me some questions she has about Canada, that I could answer in a blog post.

And here they are:

1. Do you have a thanksgiving parade sponsored by Macy’s?

No. We don’t even have a Macy’s in Canada. I’m sure some towns have a parade, but it’s a small thing. There are no obnoxiously large balloons of Snoopy floating down the street, if that’s what you’re wondering.

2. What’s the US equivalent of Justin Trudeau? Follow up: Why is he so beautiful?

The equivalent is Donald Trump. Excuse me while I go wash my hands. You call it a President, we call it a Prime Minister.

As for your follow up question: probably genetics and a good stylist.

3. Why isn’t a 401(k) called a 401(k) in Canada?

We call it an RRSP (Registered Retirement Savings Plan). Also, the 401 is a highway that stretches across Ontario. Used in a sentence: “I’m taking the 401, k?”

(Hold for laughs)

4. What do you mean you don’t have a million channels devoted to politics 24/7?

There’s more to life than politics and being angry all the time, I suppose. Today is the municipal election in Ontario and there will be election coverage for about five hours tonight on Canadian news stations, and then they’ll go back to regularly scheduled programming tomorrow.

Even when it’s time to elect a new Prime Minster, the campaign only lasts about two months. It’s not dragged out for a year and a half.

We get CNN, but I don’t know what the Canadian equivalent to that is. We don’t have a news station devoted to a daily nine-person panel of people in vibrant attire and concerned dispositions.

The biggest news story in Toronto the other day was a naked man jumping in the shark exhibit at the Ripley’s Aquarium.

4. Why does Canada make up holidays?

For everyone reading this, you’re talking about Family Day. Ontario adopted Family Day as a statutory holiday in February 2008. I don’t know if it’s the official reason, but I think it’s because there would’ve been too long of a gap between holidays.

Not every province recognizes Family Day. Alberta started it in 1990.

5. Can you do some kind of Canadian rain dance for good luck?

Yes, but if it ends up snowing instead, it means we get bad luck.

6. WHY DO YOU SPELL DEFENSE WEIRD IS IT A CANADIAN THING?

Google says you can spell it as “Defence” or “Defense”. I’ve always spelled it with a “c”, mainly because if I type it with an “s”, a red line appears under the word, or it autocorrects to “Defence”.

7. What’s the deal with all of the moose and maple syrup?

Those are both Canadian stereotypes. They seem to be a bigger deal to non-Canadians, honestly. To me, it’s just an animal and something to put on pancakes.

8. Why don’t you say fourth grade and senior year?

We say, Grade Four instead of Fourth Grade. And in university, Senior Year is called Fourth Year. I’m sure some Canadians call themselves a Senior, or Freshman, but those aren’t really terms that are on the tip of our tongue.

Every country has different terminology for their levels of schooling.

9. Is the CFL worth watching?

I would say yes. It’s a fast-paced game. The field is wider than the NFL. There’s an extra player on the field. The receivers are allowed to get a running start prior to the snap of the ball. There are only three downs. The play clock is 20 seconds and doesn’t start running until the ball is placed at the line of scrimmage.

Possessions can swing multiple times in the final three minutes, even though each team only has one timeout per half.

I’d say the CFL is more popular in Western Canada, especially Saskatchewan. Talk to people in Toronto about the CFL and they’ll act like they’re too good for it. They’d rather support the soccer team and pretend it’s a European soccer environment.

People like to turn their nose at the CFL and call it “second rate” football, when it’s really not.

The NFL likes to ignore the fact that two quarterbacks from the CFL are ahead of Drew Brees on the Pro Football All-Time Passing list.

10. You have a Hotmail account? Has Gmail not made it to Canada yet?

Yes. And I have a Gmail account. I don’t understand why people attach a negative connotation to Hotmail accounts. It delivers mail just like Gmail.

If you have any questions about Canada that you’d like answered, ask them below. We have operators standing by, waiting to assist. And by “operators”, I mean it’s me and three monkeys who keep knocking their name tags off whenever they scratch their armpits. But they’re wearing visors and have a pencil between their teeth, so rest assured, they’re total pros.