I Am The Pizza

I’m in one of those writing ruts again, where I have a bunch of ideas in my head, but lack the energy to process them one sentence at a time.

It would be so much easier if you could all just hop in a school bus and take a field trip to my brain, like they did on Magic School Bus, when they found themselves inside of a cake as it baked, and then in someone’s stomach.

That was a delicious episode.

As exciting as a trip to my brain would be, it would be a logistical nightmare. We’d have to call in the folks from Honey, I Shrunk The Kids to shrink all of you. Never mind all the permission slips your parents would have to fill out.

This is why writing exists – because bringing my brain to you is a lot easier than bringing you to my brain.

That would’ve been a cool TV show crossover, though.

Honey, I Shrunk The Magic School Bus.

I can smell money already. Netflix, you listening?

I should warn you, this entire post is just going to be me spitting out words to get myself back into some sort of rhythm. So, pull down your visor if you don’t want to be Daffy Duck’d.

Daffy Duck’d – Being on the receiving end of spit, while someone talks to you.

Used in a sentence: “Blimey, I’ve been Daffy Duck’d.”

Urban Dictionary, you listening?

As I was saying earlier, before I interrupted myself, writing exists to bring our brain to someone else.

To me, writing is an idea guided by feeling.

The idea aspect of writing gets stretched, as if it were cheese on a slice of pizza that is being pulled away from it’s family.

I am the pizza. Everything I write is a slice that slowly leaves my grasp and is ingested by someone else.

I, unknowingly, primed you for that analogy earlier when I referenced the cake episode of Magic School Bus. Man, I’m good. Now I shall paint over it.

I don’t like writing when I know what I want to say. That’s why my writing ruts occur when I have a bunch of ideas, rather than when I have none.

If the words I want to say have been rehearsed in my head, over and over again, they’ll feel stale when I finally write them down. I feel like I have to erase them from my head, so I have a clean slate when I finally sit down to write.

As I said before, writing is an idea guided by feeling.

The feeling aspect doesn’t necessarily mean, “I’m feeling happy, let me write a something happy.”

To me, the feeling is all about timing. As in, is now the time I need to write this? Is now the time for me to get this off my chest?

There are some blog posts I’ve been thinking about writing for months, but I’ve never actually sat down and felt like it was the right time to write them out, for whatever reason.

It’s like an internal voice telling me to wait. I can’t explain it better than that.

I’m not even talking about deep, meaningful blog posts. They could’ve been funny posts about food, or mishaps, or food mishaps.

At times, I’d try and force them.

How do you know when you’re forcing yourself to write something that isn’t ready to come out? Wordy question, but I’ll answer it.

If you have to sit in front of your screen and think about what the words in the next sentence should be, you’re not ready.

That’s my guiding principle, at least. It may, or may not, apply to you.

I like being able to write something from start to finish, without having to stop and think about what to say next. It should just flow.

This is the main reason why I should just delete all 44 drafts I have saved. They’ve all been sullied. I’m not going to jump into any of them and continue where I left off.

That’s two different streams of consciousness for one person. Maybe I’ll take the general idea and start over on a clean slate, but I won’t continue any of them in their current draft.

And you may think that sounds weird.

But to me, it reminds me of group essays I had to do in university. Five people would write two pages each and put it all together to form a 10-page paper. I hated that. I would’ve rather written all 10 pages myself.

Why? Because you could tell when one person stopped writing and another person started.

In the instances where we were marked individually, I had no problem with it. Let each person’s writing voice come through.

But the times when we all got the same mark, it bothered me. That’s why I was always the one to volunteer to put everyone’s work together.

1. So I could fix everyone else’s terrible spelling, grammar, punctuation, and overall sentence structure.

Seriously, you should have to write an in-person essay before you get admitted to college/university. This is why people hate group projects. Only one in five people know how to write, while four out of five just think they can.

2. So I could ensure it sounded like one voice, instead of five.

I don’t really know where I’m going with any of this. That was the whole point of this post, really. Should I just end this here?

I think I’m going to end this here, but not until I write multiple conclusions that won’t make sense, but will buy me a little more time to come up with a title for this post.

Somehow, I mentioned cake, pizza, and a couple of television shows that the current generation have never heard of, while delving too deeply into a topic that I hadn’t really thought about until now, before ending with a mini diatribe about how difficult it is for university students to write sentences that make sense.

I’d say I’ve checked all the boxes for a typical Paul post, including the one where I refer to myself in third person.

Go to my website and let me know how I did today.

Yes, I’m a receipt from a fast-food restaurant.

Okay then, bye.

No, you hang up first.



About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
This entry was posted in Humour, Life, Random and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to I Am The Pizza

  1. Tanushka says:

    My neck hurts from all the nodding I did while reading this. You were spot on. I myself decided to just completely ramble in a post today. And it helps. I also agree about the flow thing, that’s important to me. And I too was too lazy to execute some ideas I have had for a long time, but that’s alright, as long as we keep writing something, I think we’ll all be just fine.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Thanks. I needed this today. Maybe the reason I couldn’t write was that I was thinking about what I wanted to write too much instead of just writing whatever popped into my mind. Lately that would be budgeting, legal partnership structures, business profitability and flow through. I really doubt my readers want to hear about that. Maybe I need to write about it anyway though to get it out.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I find that if I give myself a list of things to write about, that just makes me not want to write about them because then it becomes a checklist and I feel trapped within it. Does that make sense? My advice is to open a new draft and write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there 🙂


  3. Hey, great post for one great reason– you made me smile, Paul! And yes, there are people, both young (my 20 something kids) and kind of old (50 ish, like me)–who remember and love both the The Magic School Bus and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids—ah, wonderful times! And oh, that one where they were headed down the intestines on the bus to you know where… don’t think about it.

    Yeah, writing is so much about timing. I’m soaking in the fall scenery now so I can write a bit of poetry and such, for next season’s children’s magazines I may submit to…you have to be inspired, or in the mood, or in the flow…you know. Sometimes you just need caffeine. Sometimes you need scenery. Sometimes you need something deep and soulful. But I’m with you–you gotta have the feeling first–and then apply the what’s it about.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Glad I made you smile! A part of me wishes Honey, I Shrunk The Kids would get a reboot, but another part of me thinks it wouldn’t have the same magic to it and would fizzle out after one season.

      Well said, the feeling is what kickstarts the writing. There’s also an element of “time” to it all in that enough time needs to pass for us to build up enough inspiration. And that’s done, as you said, by soaking things in.

      Thanks for the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bryan Fagan says:

    Never, ever delete, my talented friend. Save everything. Don’t worry about it. It will all come around. If anything you create some of the best blog posts I’ve seen.

    You’ve got this, bro.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Talk about a rut? I’ve been living there for the past few months. I feel like words have deserted me and I no longer know how to express myself adequately. In fact, all my thoughts are mundane, no bolt of inspiration. Noting. Even I’m wondering if I could ever write before. Maybe someone took over my bodies for a few months and now they’re gone. If that is the case, then they are totally welcome back into my body. I’m ready to be inspired. I’m ready to feel smart again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      “I’m ready to feel smart again” lol I’ve had that thought before too. I think we struggle most when everyone else is struggling because we use each other for inspiration. When no one has it, we all suffer.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ely says:

    LOL. I’m slightly obsessed with random rants and ramblings that are obviously not planned out or perfectly structured. It’s just the type of thing that makes me
    Feel cozy and comfy. Like hot chocolate and a fluffy soft blanket on a winter night. Except not in Miami, because that doesn’t happen here. But it happens somewhere. And I want to be there.
    Lol. Anyways- this pos was grade-A PAUL certified. Legit PAUL stuff. Always entertaining always witty always random and yet somehow you always manage to make it all come together beautifully like a symphony of words. I hate you. HAHAHA just kidding that could never happen.

    About the drafts? You know I have like 72.4 drafts that I’m always like “some day I’ll finish that one” but it never happens because that initial feeling is just gone… it has to just happen in the moment and it has to NOT STOP happening half way through. Otherwise, it’s just NOT happening at all. I feel like we’ve talked about the draft thing before. So frustrating right?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      So frustrating! I don’t know how people write books and take years to do it. Imagine starting a blog post today and adding to it every day for the next 2 years?!?! MADNESS I SAY!

      I think me and you really thrive with these random ramblings because our minds operate too fast for our fingers sometimes haha

      Liked by 1 person

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