Hi, I’m Paul.
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or in a different part of the world, you’ve probably realized that it is now Fall. Fall has sprung, as they say! No wait, that’s Spring…
Let’s try this again. Take two.
Unless you’ve been living under a mound of cannoli, you’ve probably realized that it is now Fall. Fall has fallen and it can’t get up, as they say.
Boom, nailed it.
Fall is my favourite season, and “Fall” is what I call it. I don’t like the word “Autumn”, it’s a bit too pretentious for me.
I can’t say the word “Autumn” without slightly tilting my head back, raising my eyebrows, and pronouncing it as if I’m the head judge of a spelling bee. You try it and tell me I’m wrong.
Now then, you probably read the title of this post and thought,
“I can’t wait to read it!” “Ugh, why is Paul doing such a cliche post?”
Well, Paul rhymes with Fall, which means I’m contractually obligated. When your name rhymes with a season, you can write a post about it too.
But if you think the rest of this post contains sentences about me gushing about how I can’t wait to wear a scarf every day for the next 7 months, you’ve got the wrong blog. The blog you’re looking for on that subject is Jess‘.
I’m allowed to make that joke, don’t worry.
For what it’s worth, I can’t remember the last time I wore a scarf. I’ve always associated them with pilots. I think I saw Charlie Brown and/or Snoopy fly a plane once and their scarf was blowing in the wind.
Can’t get the image out of my head. Sorry.
Also in the “Things that won’t be mentioned in this post” category will be me drooling over the taste of, Cocoa Loco Mocha Apple Honey Bunny Sunny Side Up Drizzle Pumpkin Splice Latte with extra Bunny.
Did I say it right?
Hey, you drink whatever you want. I’ve just never associated any beverage with a season.
What I’m trying to say is, the reasons I like Fall are a bit different than the norm because that’s the only way I’d write this post in the first place.
Let’s get to the list!
In no specific order…
1. Sleep without Suffocating
Sleeping during the summer is such a nuisance. Every half hour, I have to get up and open my door and fan some air into my room. I don’t know why my room heats up so much.
And no, I’m not going to sleep with the door open. I’ve watched Paranormal Activity, thank you.
Some nights, I’d open my window if it was cooler out, but I learned that the smell of skunk can often be mistaken for the smell of “cool air”. Trust me, I was a dog in a former life. My nose knows.
In the Fall, it’s not hot. This will be a recurring theme.
2. All The Sports
I don’t know what my favourite sport is, it depends on the time of year.
Hockey, basketball, baseball, football, and racing are all in action. There might even be some curling sprinkled in. It’s a great time to be a sports fan.
August is the worst time to be a sports fan. August is a Summer month. So there’s another knock against Summer.
Don’t be petty, Paul!
Hey, when you read a list like this, pettiness should be expected!
Also, I like cold weather games. It adds an extra element of suspense.
3. Perfect Day
In my mind, the perfect day is about 18 degrees Celsius, with sun, a slight breeze, and the smell of BBQ in the distance. For the Fahrenheiters reading this, that’s equivalent to 64 Fahrenheit.
It’s a cool day, but not too cool because there’s sunlight, yet not too hot because there’s a slight breeze. It’s a balance. Neither here, nor there.
And that’s also how I would define myself if I were a weather forecast.
How would you define yourself if you were a weather forecast?
4. Hoodie and Shorts
I’m a fan of hoodie and shorts season. Some people don’t understand it. They look at me and think I’m ruining the purpose of the hoodie, by exposing my legs to the elements.
I am 5’11 3/4 (neither here, nor there), do you really think I care about how my calves feel? You gotta keep the upper body warm, while maintaining the comfort and agility of the lower half.
Plus, pants don’t have a pouch for your feet! Hoodies have a pouch for your hands, and a hood for your head!
On a serious-er note, I don’t want to overheat. Everyone needs ventilation.
This is getting weird.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself. A hoodie with shorts is comfortable. End of story. Let’s quickly move on.
5. Arm Workout While Raking
I love raking leaves. I don’t know why, since the leaves always escape through the slits in the rake, and then it’s like herding sheep. Who designed the rake? They did it wrong.
Maybe it’s the peacefulness of it all. Although, last year a cat stared me down while it urinated at the other side of the backyard.
On a positive note, I go back in the house afterwards and my arms feel like I’m Popeye The Sailor. Put me in the next Strongman competition and let me lift concrete blocks.
Then it really hits me the next morning when I can’t hold a toothbrush.
No pain, no gain, no cavities. Or something.
6. It Looks Nice
Not to get too cheesy (I can go back to talking about ventilation if you want), but Fall looks nice. The colours outside go perfectly together, like a painting.
I live on a street where the trees on either side of the road, eventually hang over and meet in the middle.
It’s like driving under a roof of fall colours. I was a big fan of towel forts as a kid and this reminds me of that. Like a supersize communal towel fort for adults.
7. Daylight Saving Time
Turning the clock back an hour on a Sunday is one of the greatest things life has to offer.
That being said, I’d like to propose that we set the clocks ahead 120 hours this year, so it can already be Friday.
I might be in the minority, but I don’t mind it getting darker outside earlier. Yeah, it’s nice when it’s still light out at 8pm, but I also don’t mind when it’s dark at 6pm.
I like lights, especially when they’re surrounded by darkness. For some reason, they inspire me. I guess it’s like how people like waterfalls, or cuckoo clocks. There’s just something about them.
The poem I posted last week was written one line at a time. After each line, I stared out the window at the streetlight and it gave me what I needed to say.
8. My Birthday
Up until a few years ago, I always thought my birthday was in the Fall. To me, August 31 is the last day of Summer because school starts right after Labour Day and my birthday is around Labour Day.
If school is in session, it’s no longer Summer Vacation, which means it’s no longer Summer, which means it must be Fall!
Pretty good logic, right? Not good enough, I guess.
I am a Summer baby.
Nothing against people born in the Summer, but once you go your whole life thinking you’re a Fall baby, it’s hard to transition to a season that doesn’t rhyme with your name.
What’s my Summer name? Paulummer? Plumber?
Great, my first name is an occupation. I’m like Judge Judy, except I’m Plumber (middle name).
I think I’m just going to continue saying that I was born in the Fall.
And that’s my list.
I’ve been Paul, and you’ve been
entertained a great audience.
What do you like about the Fall? Do you call it Autumn? If you were a weather forecast, what would you be? What season were you born in and are you happy about it?