1. Why did the driver feel cramped? Because it was in a golf bag.
2. I finished Gilmore Girls yesterday. I’m currently winding myself up for a blog post about it.
3. I am completely addicted to football. Somebody check my ID because I have no clue who I am anymore.
4. My new favourite team is the Kansas City Chiefs, which means I can now hate the Patriots like the rest of you…unless they make it to the Super Bowl, in which case I’m pulling out my Patriots Fan Alumnus card.
5. Chiefs looks like Chefs if you have “i” problems.
6. The Chiefs are a fast team.
7. Patrick Mahomes throws a football faster than RA Dickey throws a baseball.
8. I found myself looking up Chiefs apparel on the new NFL Shop website in Canada, and was being lured in by promises of free shipping.
9. Again, check my ID because this is not me.
10. I had potato chips yesterday for the first time in months. I felt like a Mother Goose being reunited with her goslings.
10.5 The analogy works, okay, just go with it.
11. I need a ghost reader – someone who will read books for me, but I get the credit for it.
12. My grandfather recently went into a McDonald’s, asked a guy how much he paid for his coffee, and then left.
13. My new response for when someone asks me if I want to do/try something I don’t want to do/try is, “After I’m dead”.
13.5 Unbeknownst to me, my grandfather also uses that exact phrase.
14. If you make yourself a promise, you have to keep it.
15. Some people don’t like the word “moist”; I don’t like the word “communal”. Just the sound of it makes my upper lip move.
16. I am not a palm sweater, but during my fantasy football draft last week, my palms were definitely sweaty, knees creak, arms a levee, omelette on my sweater already.
16.5 I’m not explaining that one.
17. Happiness is more important than the economy, Donald.
18. The Montreal Canadiens and Ottawa Senators are strugg-a-ling and I’m loving every minute of it.
19. I had a dream where they changed how driver’s license photos were taken. You would sit in your car and hang your head out the window, like you’re ordering at a drive-thru.
20. I’m skeptical of people who look like they’re reading a book on a crowded beach.
21. I don’t think living on Mars would be cool at all. There’s nothing there.
21.5 However, we’d finally get the answer to the question: What comes first, your home or Home Depot?
21.75 Spoiler Alert: THERE IS NO HOME DEPOT ON MARS.
22. Mars should be the place they send criminals who are serving a life sentence in jail.
23. I’d like to see another team join Formula 1. There are too many drivers and not enough seats.
24. I read that Michael Schumacher’s son, Mick, might join Toro Rosso next year. He is 19-years-old and still wouldn’t be the youngest driver on the grid next year. That’s nuts.
25. This weekend is the Singapore Grand Prix, which will take place at night, under the lights. Always one of my favourite races of the year.
26. I remember the first time I played a softball game late at night, under the lights as a kid. It felt like a movie, I loved it.
26.5 Lots of mosquito bites, though.
27. The U2 Super Bowl halftime show in 2002, where they had a giant screen with all the names of the victims from 9/11, will forever be the best halftime show.
28. Emotion is greater than production value.
29. Will any current band have the same longevity as U2? Doesn’t seem like it.
30. The Washington Nationals have a team built for the American League, they just don’t know it.
31. I always take my ear buds out when I cross at the street, and I always hope the people in cars see me do it, so maybe they’ll do it too if they’re ever in the same situation.
31.5 Be the change you wish to see…
32. I’ve always been a fan of Edwin Jackson and Clay Buchholz, for no apparent reason.
32.5 I’d always try and get them on my team when I played baseball video games.
32.75 Edwin Jackson was a Blue Jay for about half an hour many years ago, before they traded him.
33. I’ve never really known the difference between NSync and the Backstreet Boys.
34. Thanks for following my blog and liking my last five posts, but my view count hasn’t changed in the last three hours, so no, I will not follow you back.
35. I get way too many scam phone calls. Even when I decline the call, they leave a robotic voicemail message.
36. If I were an elementary school history teacher, I’d show my class the music video for Uptown Girl, and ask them to write down all the things in the video that are no longer around today.
37. School curriculums should be constructed by people in their twenties. They’re the ones who know exactly what knowledge was valuable and what was never taught.
38. Does anyone else thaw bread under a light bulb?
39. 80% of the time, when they rolled in the big TV and played a movie in school, I thought the teacher needed it to kill time. Turns out, it was the audio-visual component of their lesson plan. Ha, who knew?
39.5 The other 20% of the time, it was Bill Nye The Science Guy. Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!
40. If you ever have two of something and someone is expecting you to share, but you don’t want to, you can say: “One for me and…another one for me.”
40.5 That shows them who’s boss.
41. Pet Peeve: Spelling mistakes on the ticker at the bottom of the screen on news/sports channels. This drives me nuts.
41.5 This has been more frequent in recent years and I can’t help but think it’s a product of people in my generation being poor and/or careless spellers because they grew up using abbreviations all the time.
42. Mmmarble cheese.
43. My name has four letters. Only two of them make a noise on their own.
44. Whenever I’m in a Head-to-Head fantasy league, I enter each week with the mindset that I’m going to lose the matchup. I’m not sure pessimism is a healthy approach, but then again, nothing about fantasy sports is healthy.
45. Is it next Sunday yet? I’m ready for some football.
46. When a large contingent of dogs go out for a walk, do they warn each other when they have to
fart release gas? Could be a fatal blow to the face, otherwise.
47. I love mushrooms.
48. Is there anyone over the age of 15, who hasn’t made a paper airplane at least once in their life?
49. Look at the keyboard in front of you and sing the letters from left to right, starting with the top row, as if it’s the alphabet. Go.
50. It’s called a ruler because somebody has to keep the pencils in line.