50 Thoughts XXIII

1. Why did the driver feel cramped? Because it was in a golf bag.

2. I finished Gilmore Girls yesterday. I’m currently winding myself up for a blog post about it.

3. I am completely addicted to football. Somebody check my ID because I have no clue who I am anymore.

4. My new favourite team is the Kansas City Chiefs, which means I can now hate the Patriots like the rest of you…unless they make it to the Super Bowl, in which case I’m pulling out my Patriots Fan Alumnus card.

5. Chiefs looks like Chefs if you have “i” problems.

6. The Chiefs are a fast team.

7. Patrick Mahomes throws a football faster than RA Dickey throws a baseball.

8. I found myself looking up Chiefs apparel on the new NFL Shop website in Canada, and was being lured in by promises of free shipping.

9. Again, check my ID because this is not me.

10. I had potato chips yesterday for the first time in months. I felt like a Mother Goose being reunited with her goslings.

10.5 The analogy works, okay, just go with it.

11. I need a ghost reader – someone who will read books for me, but I get the credit for it.

12. My grandfather recently went into a McDonald’s, asked a guy how much he paid for his coffee, and then left.

13. My new response for when someone asks me if I want to do/try something I don’t want to do/try is, “After I’m dead”.

13.5 Unbeknownst to me, my grandfather also uses that exact phrase.

14. If you make yourself a promise, you have to keep it.

15. Some people don’t like the word “moist”; I don’t like the word “communal”. Just the sound of it makes my upper lip move.

16. I am not a palm sweater, but during my fantasy football draft last week, my palms were definitely sweaty, knees creak, arms a levee, omelette on my sweater already.

16.5 I’m not explaining that one.

17. Happiness is more important than the economy, Donald.

18. The Montreal Canadiens and Ottawa Senators are strugg-a-ling and I’m loving every minute of it.

19. I had a dream where they changed how driver’s license photos were taken. You would sit in your car and hang your head out the window, like you’re ordering at a drive-thru.

20. I’m skeptical of people who look like they’re reading a book on a crowded beach.

21. I don’t think living on Mars would be cool at all. There’s nothing there.

21.5 However, we’d finally get the answer to the question: What comes first, your home or Home Depot?

21.75 Spoiler Alert: THERE IS NO HOME DEPOT ON MARS.

22. Mars should be the place they send criminals who are serving a life sentence in jail.

23. I’d like to see another team join Formula 1. There are too many drivers and not enough seats.

24. I read that Michael Schumacher’s son, Mick, might join Toro Rosso next year. He is 19-years-old and still wouldn’t be the youngest driver on the grid next year. That’s nuts.

25. This weekend is the Singapore Grand Prix, which will take place at night, under the lights. Always one of my favourite races of the year.

26. I remember the first time I played a softball game late at night, under the lights as a kid. It felt like a movie, I loved it.

26.5 Lots of mosquito bites, though.

27. The U2 Super Bowl halftime show in 2002, where they had a giant screen with all the names of the victims from 9/11, will forever be the best halftime show.

28. Emotion is greater than production value.

29. Will any current band have the same longevity as U2? Doesn’t seem like it.

30. The Washington Nationals have a team built for the American League, they just don’t know it.

31. I always take my ear buds out when I cross at the street, and I always hope the people in cars see me do it, so maybe they’ll do it too if they’re ever in the same situation.

31.5 Be the change you wish to see…

32. I’ve always been a fan of Edwin Jackson and Clay Buchholz, for no apparent reason.

32.5 I’d always try and get them on my team when I played baseball video games.

32.75 Edwin Jackson was a Blue Jay for about half an hour many years ago, before they traded him.

33. I’ve never really known the difference between NSync and the Backstreet Boys.

34. Thanks for following my blog and liking my last five posts, but my view count hasn’t changed in the last three hours, so no, I will not follow you back.

35. I get way too many scam phone calls. Even when I decline the call, they leave a robotic voicemail message.

36. If I were an elementary school history teacher, I’d show my class the music video for Uptown Girl, and ask them to write down all the things in the video that are no longer around today.

37. School curriculums should be constructed by people in their twenties. They’re the ones who know exactly what knowledge was valuable and what was never taught.

38. Does anyone else thaw bread under a light bulb?

39. 80% of the time, when they rolled in the big TV and played a movie in school, I thought the teacher needed it to kill time. Turns out, it was the audio-visual component of their lesson plan. Ha, who knew?

39.5 The other 20% of the time, it was Bill Nye The Science Guy. Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!

40. If you ever have two of something and someone is expecting you to share, but you don’t want to, you can say: “One for me and…another one for me.”

40.5 That shows them who’s boss.

41. Pet Peeve: Spelling mistakes on the ticker at the bottom of the screen on news/sports channels. This drives me nuts.

41.5 This has been more frequent in recent years and I can’t help but think it’s a product of people in my generation being poor and/or careless spellers because they grew up using abbreviations all the time.

42. Mmmarble cheese.

43. My name has four letters. Only two of them make a noise on their own.

44. Whenever I’m in a Head-to-Head fantasy league, I enter each week with the mindset that I’m going to lose the matchup. I’m not sure pessimism is a healthy approach, but then again, nothing about fantasy sports is healthy.

45. Is it next Sunday yet? I’m ready for some football.

46. When a large contingent of dogs go out for a walk, do they warn each other when they have to fart release gas? Could be a fatal blow to the face, otherwise.

47. I love mushrooms.

48. Is there anyone over the age of 15, who hasn’t made a paper airplane at least once in their life?

49. Look at the keyboard in front of you and sing the letters from left to right, starting with the top row, as if it’s the alphabet. Go.

50. It’s called a ruler because somebody has to keep the pencils in line.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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39 Responses to 50 Thoughts XXIII

  1. Meg says:

    Is it pitiful that I actually sang the alphabet song with the order on my keyboard?? I need to get a life. I have too much time.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ely says:

    I liked this before reading it! WHATTTTT a 50 thoughts post!!! HULLO! Number one fan alert. Ok bye I’ll be back with my over done responses soon.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. The most I’m getting into football this year is to have my nails painted like little footballs right now and to follow the Eagles on Twitter cos a friend LOVES them and it’s just easier to know things.

    I give up chips for lent and it’s a horrible experience. I end up craving things like celery which is basically the worst thing in the entire world.

    What if the promise to myself is no more tattoos but then I get another tattoo? Tattoos don’t count do they?

    YAY for stupid Montreal and Ottawa! Please post more about hockey. No one else lets me talk about hockey…

    If pig farts is on Mars, there can be a Home Depot

    Why do you take your earbuds out?

    The difference is that BSB are better. No other reasons are needed.

    Sorry for the long comment yet again! Lol

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      I go through really long stretches where I don’t eat chips and then they return to my life and I can’t stop eating them. They’re just too good.

      Tattoos don’t count, I checked the rule book.

      I’ll try an post more about hockey now that you’ve mentioned it!

      I take the earbuds out because if something were to go wrong, like a car runs a red light, I want to give myself the best chance to hear it (if I don’t already see it). When I was in high school, a graduate got hit by a train and they didn’t hear it coming because they had headphones on. That always stuck with me.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Becky Turner says:

    You put our friendship in jeopardy by saying you like Clay Buchholz.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 13 and 13.5 Totally made me snort laugh. Thank you. I needed that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha happy to hear that, Jen! Hope you’re doing well!

      Like

      • Fantastic! I can see and read again. PS What is up with Canada? You guys are supposed to be reasonable and calm. Plus… Football? Not hockey or baseball? Seriously, Paul the world is in serious trouble. True story.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Excellent!! They always say, when America sneezes, Canada catches the cold soooo…lol the world is in serious trouble indeed

        And I don’t know where this football passion is coming from. I think having a fantasy football team has reinvigorated my interest in the sport, but I’m already itching for Sunday.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Dutch Lion says:

    Buddy, Tyreek Hill is awesome! I have him in a different league. 49 fantasy points. Nuts!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I got to watch the Chiefs game on Sunday because it was televised in Canada and as soon as he returned the punt for a TD on his first play of the game, I was 1000% sold on him and the team.

      I watched your Bears on Sunday night, too. If Trubisky could be consistent for four quarters, you guys might have something over there!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dutch Lion says:

        So you dig the Chiefs huh? That’s cool. I approve. Haha! You know how I’m a huge Nebraska fan at the college level? The majority of Nebraskans are fans of the Chiefs on the pro level. That’s because of location of course. Also, the red color scheme inspires passion. I read that somewhere, seriously. I remember an article a long time ago where some dude studied the teams with the most “diehard” fans and it came out that red was the winner. The thinking was the color inflamed fans to the point of “caring” more than other team’s fans. Interesting.

        Anyway, I agree about the Bears. I’m really excited. Trubisky will grow. He’s talented but young and inexperienced. The Bears D is angry mad and potentially awesome. Once Roquan starts playing more we’re gonna kick ***. Yeah!

        Later buddy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        That’s crazy about the colour thing. I don’t know if colour has anything to do with caring more. My theory is: The more historic teams (the one’s who came into existence first) had first pick with colours and red was a natural option. And since they’re a historic franchise, they have a die hard fan base.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. micqu says:

    So… I sang the wrong alphabet song just now. Have you tried it? Do you know how hard it is?

    About Mars… Do you really want Mars to be the next Australia, matey? Sending all the convicted there?

    Looking forward to the Gilmore Girls post…

    Backstreet Boys or *NSync? They are all the same, with different names and slightly different hair-dos.

    Thank you for your thoughts. I enjoy them a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Lol what do you mean the wrong alphabet song?

      Wait is that where convicts are already going..Australia?

      Ah so the originality is all in the slightly different hair-dos, got it!

      Like

      • micqu says:

        Well qwerty is harder to sing than abcdef, lol

        Australia was founded to ship convicts there… I think, the Brits stopped doing that, but I can’t be sure… History was my weakest subject in school.

        And yes… It’s all about the hair. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        When I sung it, qwertyu was to the same beat as abcdefg, thought it was more difficult. Whoever created the order of the alphabet did a good job lol

        Like

  8. Jess says:

    How dare you hate the Patriots.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Cody Stroup says:

    I think I would like to meet your grandfather.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. bexoxo says:

    You’d probably have better luck with We Didn’t Start the Fire. Fun fact: I’m going to see Billy Joel in concert next month, but I’m on my way right this very second to see Ozzy Osbourne. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  11. bexoxo says:

    Also, did you ever decide on a fantasy team name? I’m curious what you came up with…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Ely says:

    1-9 was about sports. Right?!
    10- i am SO proud!!!! What’s next?! Frosted Flakes? Rice?!
    11- will it have a brother or sister who can also do the same for me? Or can I hire it? Or borrow it from you? I have questions. And too many books to read.
    12- your grandfather did WHAT?! Lmfaoooooooo I think I just peed. I’m sorry. I’m getting older. I’m sorry. Can I keep him?! Your grandfather- not the guy with the overpriced coffee.
    15- the M word is a no no! I can barely even say it when it comes to cake. It’s awful. Communal? Meh. It’s alright lol
    16.5 how can you leave us hanging with “omelette on my sweater” is that a Canadian expression?! I have questions lol or is that like armpit stains? Because of sweat?? So they’re circles that look like
    Omelettes right?! I mean. I figured it out right?! Ha!!!
    16.657656 ELY IS THE ALMIGHTYNESS HIGHNESS BWAHAHAHAH
    21- how on Earth would you know that for a fact?! Have you been to Mars?!
    22- Alcatraz on Mars?! Genius. Pure genius!
    31- I do worse. I pretend to take a call or a text or to have some random need to look at my phone to defer my attention away from my insane ideas that everyone is sitting there watching cross a street just praying and willing for me to trip
    Over my feet or something… I just don’t deal well with crossing streets. It’s an actual issue for me.
    36- I would’ve hated to have you as a teacher!! Lol
    38-WHAT????!!??
    42-mmmmmmYUK lmfao
    43- I had to take way too much time sounding out the letters of your name. I don’t know who I am anymore.
    46- who are you?! LOL
    47- who are you?! LOL
    49- who are you?! LOL
    50- who are you?! LOL

    LMFAOOO!!! I can’t get enough of these. I’m sorry I took so long!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      This is above and beyond, I love it LOL
      10. Ew frosted flakes. Why do they have to be frosted?
      11. We can share ghost readers
      12. Hahah I guess he was curious how much it cost!
      16.5 “Omelette on sweater” is a play on Eminem’s “vomit on my sweater” hahah there is no hidden meaning, I was just being being weird again. I do like your sweat analogy though! “I’m sweatin’ omelettes out here!” – I’m gonna use that
      21. I’ve seen pictures of mars on Google and haven’t seen one building yet LOL
      36. I would be the BEST teacher!
      38. Yeah! Just hold it under the light that turns on above your stove!
      46. Paul
      47. Paul
      49. Paul
      50. Paul?

      Haha thanks for this!

      Like

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