A few days ago, I finished Season 4 of Gilmore Girls. I have a lot I need to get off my chest, so if you don’t want spoilers, don’t read this post.
Even if you haven’t watched Gilmore Girls, this post will interest you. Guaranteed, or your money back.
Rory Gilmore is ridiculous.
Before I get into anything, let me just say that the haircuts this season were questionable. I’m not here to judge, Rory can cut her hair any which way she pleases.
However, her hair got shorter every single episode. That’s not normal for a TV show.
I put a ruler against my laptop screen just to be sure. I didn’t understand what was happening.
Then, there was Dean. He had a helmet of hair living on his head by the end of the season. Who approved of that? Then again, it was 2004, and I remember boys opting for the “There are two mops on my head” look.
That’s all I have to say about that.
Now onto the rest of the season.
Season 4 was all about Rory going away to college. All she talked about for the first three seasons was Harvard.
“I’m going to go to Harvard.”
“I’m meant for Harvard.”
“The whole town knows I want to go to Harvard because the whole town knows everything even though none of us are in a group chat.”
I say Har, you say Vard.
Har! Vard! Har! Vard!
She even snuck into a lecture at Harvard and answered a professor’s question, while she was still in high school.
That is one of the definitions of, “Obsessed.”
And then what happens? She gets tricked into visiting Yale by her grandfather because she’s never uttered the word “No” in her life, and all of a sudden she has her sights set on Yale.
All hail, Yale!
Look, I’m not mad at her. Until Grade 11, I thought I would end up at a certain university. And then I discovered something else and realized I liked it more.
Go where you’ll be happy. Fine.
Three roars for Rory!
Going into this season, I was excited. Surely, it would be different. Rory would be away from her mom a lot. She’d make new friends. There’d be new characters. All that stuff, right?
Eh, not really.
My first beef with Rory was on move-in day. As soon as her mom left, she missed her. Come on!
I get it, moving away from home for the first time is hard for some people. But come on, her mother was gone for 40 minutes before Rory sent out the SOS.
40 minutes! Fine, maybe an hour. Still!
You expect that from a kid in kindergarten. How in the world did Rory ever get through a full high school day, with extracurriculars adding on to the “Hours spent away from Mom”.
I thought it was ridiculous.
The very first day of college is hard, I know. But can you act like an adult for five minutes? Go to the floor meeting! Distract yourself! Something!
I didn’t like it one bit. Did you not know what moving away from home meant?
Then her mom drove back to the school because of course she did. And because they had an extra mattress, the mom stayed over for the first night in residence!
That’s not even allowed during the first week. Read the residence handbook!
But before the sleepover happens, the mother orders takeout food from every nearby restaurant. I’m talking, eeevvverrryyyy neearrbbbyyyy ressstttaurrrraaaanttt.
They had more food than when I ordered 18 pizzas for a Super Bowl party in 2011. That residence viewing party was, as the kids say, fire starting!
Oh, they don’t say that? What do they say? They say, “lit”?
Fire starting – wordy, but I’m going to roll with it.
All we’ve heard about, for the first three seasons, is how strapped for cash this family is. That’s the reason why the grandparents paid for her to go to a fancy, schmancy high school, so she could get into a prestigious school like Yale, and have them pay for that, as well.
That’s why Rory and her mother are obligated to have dinner every Friday night with the grandparents, which doesn’t make much sense at all. Why not a Saturday lunch?
Anyway, they spent a lot of money on food, so Rory would know which places to avoid during her time at Yale.
BECAUSE SHE HAD TO KNOW THAT ON THE VERY FIRST NIGHT!
I didn’t know until Third Year that Domino’s wouldn’t cut my pizza into slices. Want to know why?
BECAUSE I DIDN’T ORDER FROM DOMINO’S UNTIL THIRD YEAR, LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.
Sat there at 9pm with a butter knife, trying to cut an unsliced pizza.
My next beef with Rory is the frequency in which she went home. I don’t think she stayed at Yale for more than three consecutive days. Are you kidding me?
I get it. It’s a TV show about Rory and her mother, and it would be nice to have them in scenes together. But that’s not how college works!
You’ve built her up as this responsible, young lady, who is “the good kid”, and can take care of herself. Yet at every turn, she reappears in her hometown.
Did she even meet anyone new in college outside of two of her roommates, and the naked guy in the hallway?
Speaking of roommates, Paris was one of them.
Paris, as in her high school frenemy.
I never understood their relationship, or why they spoke to each other so much in high school. I thought Paris hated Rory. And then all of a sudden they’re buddy-buddy.
Does Rory just have a problem making friends and I’m not aware of it?
She did know that by going to a big school, there would be people there, right?
See, that’s why I went to a small school. Less people = shorter lines in the cafeteria. Just kidding. The lines were long; that’s why you need to plan to arrive for lunch at 11:37, instead of noon.
Back to Paris.
SHE GETS HERSELF INTO A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH AN OLD PROFESSOR.
Is everyone off their rocker this season, or just THE OLD PROFESSOR SHE’S DATING?
This is so wrong. At least in Pretty Little Liars, the age gap between Aria and her teacher was in single digits. Paris and her professor are decades apart.
She could be his grand-daughter! Who came up with this in the writers’ room?
A few of you are impressed by that Pretty Little Liars reference, aren’t you? Thank you. I know everything.
Paris has also taken up arts and crafts. I’m just trying to figure out when I would’ve had time for arts and crafts when I was in university.
I probably would’ve had to give up my Friday night video game sessions with my roommate. I got so good at Call of Duty, let me tell ya.
But, I mean, arts and crafts! Woo…
Or should I say, Gluuuuuue…
Back to Rory.
There was one episode where she was trying to study, but her roommates were making too much noise, so what does she do?
SHE DRIVES ALL THE WAY HOME TO STUDY IN HER BEDROOM.
BUT HER BEDROOM IS OCCUPIED BY STUFF AND SHE CAN’T STUDY THERE, EITHER.
Oh my holy hula hoops.
Does Yale not have a quiet space in their library, which is, by definition, a quiet place?
My favourite study spot was the 9th floor, in a booth by the window that overlooked, seemingly, all of Ontario.
I was enraged by that scene. She drove home. SHE. DROVE. HOME.
Why bother ordering all that food on the first night, if you wouldn’t be at school long enough to order any of it?
And then she goes back to school and tries to find a place to study, outside.
I’ve never been a fan of studying outside. It’s a farce.
I’m like a distracted puppy the whole time.
Oh look, a person! Let me stare at them. Oh look, a ball! I like the ball. Gimme the ball! Let me have the ball! Can I have the ball!? Right, I’m supposed to be studying.
*PAPERS BLOW EVERYWHERE*
Rory finds a nice big tree to sit under. She looks content. Well, great. I’m happy for her…until she goes back there the next day and a guy is reading a magazine under “Her” tree.
She tells him to move, he won’t.
SO SHE PAID HIM $20 TO LEAVE.
Rory, you need that money for all the takeout food you’re never going to order!
Never in my life would I pay someone any amount of money, just so I could sit under a tree. Go study anywhere else, Rory!
So much nonsense with her, this season.
And then she’s back in her hometown and her ex-boyfriend, Jess, is there. He left town without telling her, so she’s mad at him and doesn’t want to see him.
She runs away from him, as if he has cooties, and she didn’t get her circle circle dot dot.
And by “run”, I mean she runs in zig zags through the street.
She was Antonio Bryant running routes, if Antonio Bryant had two broken ankles. That’s how slow and estimated she was in her “running.”
Rory would run five steps, turn at a 34 degree angle, and run in that direction. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.
Jess followed her every step and got faked out by her “dekes” every time. He finally caught up to her and asked her where she learned to run so fast.
I can’t. Cut it out. Stop.
Let’s get to the season finale now.
Rory’s first boyfriend, Dean, is 19 and married. I don’t know what he’s doing on Gilmore Girls because he’d be perfect for MTV.
However, he’s still in love with Rory and his marriage isn’t going well.
So what happened in the finale? They kissed, slept together, and then Dean is rushed out of Rory’s room when Lorelai gets home. Rory tells her mom exactly what happened and makes it sound like she didn’t just participate in an affair.
I’m not solely blaming Rory here, they’re both at fault.
Dean, you’re married! You can’t do that!
Rory, he’s married! You can’t do that!
Oh, but it’s fine, right? Because Rory says she’s an adult now and can make her own decisions.
YOU’VE BEEN RUNNING HOME FROM COLLEGE EVERY THREE DAYS.
YOUR MOM HAD TO SLEEP OVER YOUR FIRST NIGHT AT YALE.
YOU ARE RECKLESS WITH MONEY AND GIVE IT TO PEOPLE WHO ARE SITTING UNDER “YOUR” TREE.
But yeah, Rory is a big kid now.
In the first episode of Season 5, the affair continues! Stop the madness! What is going on!?
You can say that one year of college really changed Rory. It changes a lot of people. However, I’d argue that Rory didn’t spend enough time at college to justify her moral compass spinning out of control.
I’m just disappointed. I don’t know how she comes back from this.
Dean can’t un-cheat on his wife. Rory is “the other woman”.
I didn’t expect this show to go in this direction, but we’re here now.
Thanks for letting me vent.
I’d like to hear your thoughts on all this, whether you’ve seen the show or not.
How did your first year of college/university change you?