You no longer have to wait, it’s Episode 8, bring on the hometown date, so we can learn their fate, and see if Tia goes, “Hey Becca, checkmate.”
Welcome back to your favourite Bachelorette recap on the internet – I’m Paul, and joining me once again is Cass! Her thoughts will be in bold.
Now let’s get this zamboni on the ice!
~ It’s finally hometowns!
~ First up, Garrett.
~ Becca is in Manteca, California to meet with Garrett, who looks like a little boy dressed up for picture day.
~ Did his mom do his hair? Is there a comb in his backpack with a note for the teacher that says, “If Gare Bear gets his hair messy, you have permission to comb it”?
~ They’re going to be planting tomatoes. They aren’t dressed for this. Not even wearing a hat. If my grandparents saw this…
~ Becs’ shoes are not made for tractors & dirt.
~ Now they’re sitting on a blanket in the shade.
~ This rose bush idea was so cute.
~ It’s time to meet the family, Becca is bringing flowers and a big bag.
~ WHAT’S IN THE BAG!?
~ Hometown dates are the classic, “We’re having company over” logistical nightmare, where the house gets vacuumed for four hours, certain objects are hidden in closets, and every light in the house stays on while the guests are over, even though it’s the middle of the day.
~ Garrett’s sister pulls him away to talk.
~ He tells her everything’s great, and she starts crying because she doesn’t want him to get hurt.
~ Garrett’s sister looks like Becca, there I said it.
~ Becca meets with his father, who says his wife protects her Cubs. Hey, Chicago, what do you say, the Cubs are gonna win tod….oh he didn’t mean the Chicago Cubs.
~ Becca and Mama Bear bond.
~ HEY, that Gare Bear nickname may actually be legit.
~ “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.” – Garrett
~ Garrett is so hopeful.
~ And, it’s over. She was in that house for 8 minutes of edited TV time.
~ Honestly just want to fast forward to this whole Tia thing.
~ Next up is Jason’s hometown date in Buffalo, which is basically Canada as evidenced by the shot of Niagara Falls and the Canadian flag.
~ Is Jason intentionally talking like a mobster, or did he stay up late watching Al Pacino’s speech in Any Given Sunday 100 times?
~ Jason and his hair gel….
~ He’s taken her to a bar and they’re going to have a chicken wing eating contest.
~ Next, they’re going to break tables with Bills Mafia, right?
~ I do love my wings, never thought I would say this but I approve of this date.
~ Something something Becca’s large pink scarf.
~ Now they’re going skating at a rink that is deserted.
~ I spy some Canadian flags.
~ “I was born with skates on my feet” – Canadians say that
~ We’re also born saying “Sorry”.
~ Jason looks like Gordon Bombay, minus the triple deke.
~ These are some bad skates.
~ Becca looks like she’s there because she has to be there.
~ Now they’re sitting on top of the zamboni and going for a ride. Garrett had her on a tractor. What’s next? A scooter?
~ Word of advice Becs…hockey guys are bad news, don’t do it.
~ Time to meet the family.
~ It’s a nice, little dinner for six. Could’ve probably squeezed the whole gang into a booth at Olive Garden.
~ Jason’s father is wearing a grey dress shirt that I’m pretty sure I once owned.
~ Jason’s mom asks Becca if she’s found her person and she dodges the question, not wanting to tell her that Jason isn’t the frontrunner.
~ “I couldn’t read whether she’s falling for you.” – Jason’s mom tells Jason
~ Jason’s brother is urging him to tell Becca how he feels about her.
~ Becca spent 6 edited TV minutes in that house. Two less than Garrett.
~ Next up, Blake!
~ Becca is now out to Bailey, Colorado to meet Blake’s family.
~ It is snowing and Becca looks more excited to be here than she was in Buffalo.
~ Blake brings her to his high school, so he can show off his football photo from 2006.
~ Did they put on their indoor shoes before wandering the halls with wet shoes? DOESN’T LOOK LIKE THEY DID!
~ This high school is empty except for three rooms, where Blake’s former teachers and/or coaches are hanging out.
~ Oh my, she’s in love.
~ They’re now sitting in the library.
~ Blake tells her that in his senior year, there was a shooting at his school.
~ He now brings her to the auditorium and it’s full of people and Becca’s favourite singer, Betty Who, is performing on stage.
~ This is where I chime in with, Betty Who, who?
~ Who is this singer?
~ What is going on in this school?
~ Time to meet the family. Start the clock!
~ This family also got the memo to turn on every light in their house. The TV crew probably has their own set of lights in there as well, no house is lit this well.
~ Blake’s mom looks like the bird lady in Home Alone 2. I liked the bird lady.
~ I’ve zoned out. Where are the wacky families this season? Why are they all subdued?
~ Becca spent 6 minutes and 20 seconds of TV time in that house, which is 20 seconds more than Jason, but 100 seconds less than Garrett. Hmmmm….
~ Becca is now in Parker, Colorado to meet with Colton’s family.
~ He’s taking her to a children’s hospital, but first they’re buying toys.
~ To Toys R Us they go…oh, right.
~ Fun fact: Toys R Us remained open in Canada. Point for us.
~ They pick out unicorn horns.
~ The fact that Colton brought her to the hospital to visit these kids is adorable.
~ Colton warns Becca that he’s never brought a girl home. Not even Tia.
~ Becca is nervous about this because Colton hasn’t had many serious relationships.
~ Basically, she’s judging him for being selective and not being with a bunch of people just for the sake of it.
~ Pretty sure Colton isn’t Becca’s partner for life, Tia probably won’t allow it.
~ Time to meet the family. Start the clock!
~ Jeeze, she’s meeting everyone tonight.
~ Colton’s little cousin whispers to him, “Is she your girlfriend?”
~ Then she asks, “Does she know about Tia?” Okay, that didn’t happen. Maybe in a deleted scene somewhere, though.
~ Colton’s mom says he looks perky.
~ Interesting Word Choice for $200, Alex.
~ Colton’s dad is asking Becca about Tia. Now he’s asking her if Colton’s asked about her breakup with Arie.
~ This might be the first father who came into this with a serious game plan and legitimate questions. He probably gives better advice than Chris Harrison.
~ Becca is talking to Colton’s mom about his “lack of experience”. This is awkward. I feel awkward.
~ It’s time to go already! Becca spent 8 TV minutes in that house. Tied with Garrett.
~ “I’m falling for him.”
~ Becca is 4/4 with guys dropping the L word tonight.
~ Oh no, Becca is meeting up with “the people who know me the best” aka the people who don’t actually know her best – former Bachelor contestants: Bekah, Tia, Can’t Remember, Who Are You Again, and Never Seen You Before.
~ It’s a real Abbott & Costello group of friends.
~ IT’S TIME
~ This is so staged. A stage is less staged than this.
~ Welcome to Girl Gossip Gallery, with your host Becca! 3G is filmed in front of a live studio audience. To reserve your spot in our audience, don’t call us, the producers will call you. Now, let’s watch!
~ Everyone’s so excited and Tia is just glaring.
~ Tia is now pulling her aside to talk about Colton.
~ Will we get the whole story?
~ She is telling Becca she still has feelings for Colton
so BACK OFF.
~ Why didn’t Tia say this before?
~ Does it even matter who Colton likes at this point, or does Tia get him because she saw him first?
~ Tia’s shirt and skirt don’t work together…just saying.
~ “I never saw that coming.” – Becca
~ For what it’s worth, it’s the only thing I saw coming.
~ Thanks for tuning into this edition of Girl Gossip Gallery. 3G – we make quick connections!
~ And we have another sparkly dress for Becs.
~ Jason arrives for the Rose Ceremony and is greeted by Chris Harrison.
~ Then Blake.
~ Then Garrett.
~ Geesh, Mr. Harrison is walking these guys all the way to the mark they have to stand on in a ballroom.
~ Chris, there are directors for this. Go count roses.
~ Colton enters and approaches Chris H. all in a sweat about the fantasy suite next week.
~ The producers definitely told him to do this now, since they probably know he won’t be there next week. Gotta get that panic on camera while they can.
~ Awh Colton is worried about Fantasy Suites week.
~ Colton wants to know what the expectations are for the fantasy suite.
~ Chris is giving him an outline and a rubric.
~ Hold on, Chris walked every guy up a set of stairs and to their spot, but doesn’t accompany Becca, who is wearing a dress that she could trip over?
~ Ohhh CHCH, how could you?
~ Becca, Blake, and Garrett are all in black. Is this a funeral, a Final 3 alliance, or a coincidence?
~ Blake gets the first rose.
~ Jason gets the second rose.
~ Garrett gets the third rose because Tia just dropped a bomb five minutes ago.
~ OH MY LORD
~ I’m predicting Colton’s gonna be on Paradise with Tia…just saying.
~ Becca walks Colton out and tells him his dad told her to send him home if she knew he wasn’t the one.
~ But really, it was Tia. The girl he had one date with, months ago.
~ Colton’s sitting there like, “Why Becs?” but because of the girl code, she can’t tell him the truth about what Tia said.
~ Colton goes home confused and mentally counting the days until this episode airs.
~ Yes Becca, this sucks.
~ See you all in Thailand next week!
What did you think of this episode? Who do you think will make the Final 2? Do you think Gare Bear was actually one of Garrett’s nicknames as a kid?