Happy heat wave to you and yours.
I’m joined once again this week by Cass! Only one of us can recognize the country songs on this show, so get your bets in now, the answer will be revealed shortly.
Cass’ thoughts will be in bold.
~ Welcome to Virginia!
~ “Virginia is for lovers, so it is the perfect place for me with the guys this week.” – Becca
~ Go home, Becca, you’re
drunk falling for a tourism slogan.
~ We need to go somewhere fun or maybe outside the US…I feel bad for Becca.
~ Becca is staying at the Quirk Hotel. Wasn’t there someone on the show last season who pronounced “Quirky” as “Corky”?
~ “Welcome to Richmond.” – Chris Harrison
~ I’m not even going to go through my whole, “you can’t welcome someone to a town you’re also a visitor in” spiel because it’s just good to see Chris H. finally earning his pay check.
~ So glad Becca’s stylist finally dressed her in a cute coat, I like this pink on her.
~ Becca is checking out babies and reading wedding magazines on airplanes. Ok, slow down.
~ She is already thinking of babies…
~ The guys have arrived and have fella’d it up.
~ The first date card is for Jason.
~ Chris wants a 1-on-1 or a 2-on-1 date. Lincoln tells him he should maximize his time no matter what.
~ They’re now bickering about I don’t know what.
~ Again with the yelling, Becca. This needs to stop, boys.
~ Do they not have a 2000-piece puzzle for them to do?
~ Chris and Lincoln are still arguing.
~ Arguers argue.
~ Shut it Chris, you brought last week on yourself.
~ Can Bachelor Nation vote people off? I can’t even with Chris and it’s only been 5 minutes.
~ “You just body shamed me.”
~ Yes, Colton, it is exhausting to listen to.
~ Jason and Becca are boarding a trolley so they can wander around Richmond.
~ Champagne on a trolley car, if only!
~ Ah, the classic “Wander around town” date. It’s an Arie and Lauren B. special.
~ I wonder how much gel Jason goes through on the daily.
~ They stop off at a church for 6 edited seconds, peruse the cemetery, and are now in a kitchen making desserts.
~ Jason has icing on his face and clearly no one told him.
~ Now they’re at the Poe museum. As in, Edgar Allan.
~ The Baltimore Ravens are named after Poe’s poem, “The Raven”. Shoutout Grade 9 English class.
~ They showed a black cat, you know what that means.
~ It’s time for Unhappy Hour! It’s for people who enjoy life through death. It’s a gothic party. Let me guess, they’re going to “try and make the most of it”.
~ JUST GO ANYWHERE ELSE.
~ What is this? A vampire party…
~ That is so not a happy hour.
~ Back at Fort Fella, the guys are worried about Chris ruining future cocktail parties for them.
~ Chris is turning into the bad guy now that Jordan’s gone.
~ The world now knows that Jason can kiss…
~ Becca has invited a few of Jason’s friends out to join them at a bar. In other words, the producers tracked them down on her behalf.
~ “He’s as good as advertised.” – Wingman #1
~ Jason almost cried in a bar…
~ She met his friends, now she can’t send him home.
~ Jason and Becca are at dinner by themselves, sitting at the classic round table. That table sure get a-round! Get it…because it’s round!….Sorry.
~ I’m a bit distracted because DeMarcus Cousins just signed with the Golden State Warriors and the NBA is ruined indefinitely.
~ The next date card is for: Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln, and Chris.
~ This means Tarzan is getting the 1-on-1 date. Really? Didn’t think he was a front-runner. Is he just going to be a “take it easy” date?
~ Back on the date, Becca gives Jason a rose.
~ Snow in Virginia…global warming is real, people.
~ “Welcome to Richmond, Virginia.” – Becca on a rooftop
~ Becca, if you’re going to welcome someone to a town where you’re also a visitor, do it at the beginning of the date!
~ Time for the group date. The guys are dressed in suits and are at the Capitol building to learn American history.
~ Field trip, anyone!? I need to stop referencing Magic School Bus, but this show makes it too easy.
~ A guy dressed as Abe Lincoln says the guys will be “debating for her (Becca’s) hand”.
~ You just know a bunch of people sat around a table before this season started, brainstorming puns for Becca’s name.
~ Surprised there hasn’t been a Beccathlon yet.
~ Chris Harrison is there to moderate, which means he’s going to ask leading questions.
~ The last thing America needs is another debate.
~ Guys! It’s debate time.
~ “Lookin’ good, fellas.” – Becca
~ Woah, sit close enough to Chris Harrison and you start to steal his catchphrases.
~ The Official Becca + Chris “Fella” Counter: 3
~ The guys are standing on steps with a podium.
~ C. Harr. should’ve brought sunglasses, he’s squinting.
~ Colton starts off by saying he wants to take Becca to a dog park. What a 2018 thing to say.
~ “I’m not the best with my words, but yes ladies, you are always right.” – Garrett
~ The guy dressed as Abe Lincoln asked the guy dressed as Lincoln, what he envisions his future with Becca to be like.
~ Lincoln says he hasn’t thought about packing his bags, unlike Chris R.
BURN what a stupid thing to say.
~ Lincoln dodged the question like a true politician.
~ “There’s a nasty side of Lincoln.” – Chris R….If he only knew.
~ This is so childish.
~ This debate is getting ugly, I don’t even know what to write.
~ Chris and Lincoln are school yard gossips.
~ Becca doesn’t like when her boyfriends argue.
~ Can’t wait to see who goes home.
~ It’s time for the night portion. Lincoln pulls Becca aside as Colton asks Chris if what he said at the debate was necessary.
~ Chris interrupts Becca’s conversation. And now Garrett interrupts their’s.
~ Becca is so not impressed with Chris, thank you for breaking that up Garrett, I owe you one.
~ It’s coming out that Lincoln told Becca that Connor no longer wants to sleep in the same room as Chris because he feels threatened.
~ Connor says that’s not true. Lincoln is lying.
~ Becca cut off her talk with Garrett because she’s upset. Garrett goes back to scold Chris.
~ Give it to him, Garrett.
~ Colton trying not to laugh right now is priceless.
~ Becca needs to start sending people home like it’s the Friday afternoon before a long weekend.
~ Remember at the beginning of the episode the guys were concerned that Chris would ruin a cocktail party for them? Pretty sure the producers made sure he did.
~ Wills tells her he’s falling in love with her. Episode 6.
~ “Frustrated”. Drink!
~ The group date rose goes to Colton.
~ Tarzan (Leo) and Becca are boarding a private plane so they can explore Virginia from the sky.
Becca brought a wedding magazine with her to read.
~ Becca has her neck turned 90 degrees toward the window and tells us in a voiceover that her thoughts are somewhere else.
~ Now she is venting to Tarzan about her other boyfriends.
~ Leo is so amazing and understanding.
~ Where did ABC get these guys and why have I never found anything like them.
~ They’re now in the water, shucking oysters.
~ “I was born to shuck.” – Tarzan
~ “I’m gonna give her my heart and hopefully that’s enough.” – Tarzan
~ They’re attending dinner at city hall. Cass is gonna mention Becca’s dress, I’ll bet anything…
~ Becca says he made her feel better today.
~ Leo opens up and says he feels like he’s failed his father and that he’s just not good enough.
~ Back at the house, Connor tells Jason he feels uneasy around Chris and doesn’t know what will trigger him next.
~ Chris is now getting the “dangerous music, with a side of dark lighting” edit as he writes a letter.
~ Chris is more long-winded than the extended version of, I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) by Meat Loaf. That thing is 12 minutes!
~ The guys are starting to get scared of Chris, I would be to.
~ Becca gives Leo a rose, but the night isn’t over.
~ Leo is a genuine sweetheart.
~ They’re at a Morgan Evans concert and have to dance and kiss in front of a live crowd.
~ Ohhhh, so this is the real reason Leo got a rose.
~ I love this song!
~ Sometimes you gotta kiss somebody, right Becca.
~ Legit dancing on my bed.
~ I love how ABC has gotten all these country artists to perform.
~ I think there are more smartphones in attendance than people.
~ Leo gets back from his date and Chris goes for a walk. I don’t even know what he’s upset about anymore.
~ “People need to acknowledge the type of monster that Lincoln is.” – Chris, voiceover
~ Now we cut to Chris saying to the camera, “The man eats 12 eggs every day, his cholesterol has to be 6000.” The audio to this clip has a different sound than his other quote.
~ The editing team is splicing together sentences that he said in different interviews.
~ Why is Chris talking about Lincoln’s cholesterol? Pretty sure that’s his own concern.
~ Chris has gone to visit Becca so they can talk…again.
~ HE JUST WALKED TO HER HOTEL..
~ Chris is taking this to a stalker level.
~ The producers probably told him, “throw on a jacket, it’s just a short, creepy walk through the night away”.
~ He says he can see himself marrying her. Oh no.
~ “I’m all in.” – Chris, clearly a fan of Cody & The Young Bucks. (If anyone understands this reference, I love you).
~ “I don’t think we can get there.” – Becca
~ Ahhh the vague “there” makes its return. Haven’t seen it around these parts since Johnny Scents’ meltdown in Episode 4.
~ It’s bad that I can remember which episode things happened in, isn’t it?
~ WHAT ARE THEY ARGUING ABOUT?
~ HE’S FINALLY GOING HOME.
~ SEE YA LATER, CHRIS.
~ She wants to walk him out and he says she doesn’t need to. She walks him out anyway, since there are cameras there.
~ Damn Becca with the shade, “I don’t think you need anything, but I’m going to give you that respect.”
~ Drop the damn mic.
~ I think this show is better at teaching people how to break up with someone, than it is at teaching people how to fall in love.
~ “We’re just gonna walk around town and go to Unhappy Hour after visiting a cemetery. Love me.” – Not applicable to real life
~ “I don’t think we’re there.” – Semi-applicable?
~ She just said he is not the guy she wants in her life ever, could have told ya that, sister.
~ Virginia ended up being sucky.
~ Rose Ceremony time. The end is nigh! This show is exhausting.
~ Colton, Jason, and Leo have roses, three more are available.
~ Garrett gets a rose.
~ Blake gets a rose.
~ And Wills gets a rose.
~ OH MY LORD.
~ Connor and Lincoln are going home…
~ Connor and Lincoln don’t have to go home, but they can’t stay here.
~ Kinda shocked Connor went home, to be honest.
~ We’re down to the Final 5, somehow. She’s gotten rid of the pretenders.
~ They are off to the Bahamas next week.
~ Finally, a tropical destination.
We’ll see you next week.
What did you think of this episode?