1. Is that a skunk smell coming through my window, or is it just really muggy outside? This is a question I ask myself at least once a week. Then I sniff around like a police dog.
2. There’s just something about a fresh jar of green olives.
3. Does a movie make a lot of money on opening weekend because it’s a good movie, or because the marketing/hype was good?
4. New show idea: Say No To Joe. It’ll be a spinoff of, Say Yes To The Dress.
4.5 I don’t watch the show, but the idea came to me when I saw my mom watching it a few weeks ago. Do you know how hard it is to sit on a brilliant idea for so long?
5. Recently, I’ve noticed four bloggers return to blogging after a long time away, so the next four thoughts will be dedicated to them. Go check out their blogs!
6. Jess at Jess Is Peachy
7. Barb at Sane Teachers
8. Hannah at H.D. Cannon
9. Yari at A Journey
10. I’m not really a fan of the technology theme on Big Brother this season. It feels outdated, like if someone asked you to add them on BBM. That ship has left the dock.
11. So far I like Hayleigh, Scottie, Sam, Bayleigh, and Steve on Big Brother, which means they’ll probably be the first five voted out.
12. I think my hands have grown.
13. Movies need to be reimagined. I have an idea. People always say, “In the movie of my life…” well, pick a random person and make a movie about their life. You could have billions of sequels and they’d all be unique. Done. I saved the movie business.
14. The word “Carpet” is a compound word that doesn’t play by the rules. Now all I see when I look at it is “Car Pet.”
15. I never want to watch TV on my phone.
16. Check out The Staircase on Netflix if you enjoy documentaries that illustrate how corrupt the justice system is. It’s like Making A Murder.
17. Being The Elite is the best YouTube series. I’m not biased, I’m correct.
18. Baseball players don’t look as competitive as they used to be. They’re too chummy with their opponents.
19. I finally tried sushi. It was as disappointing as I always expected it to be. You can get off my case now.
20. Everyone likes garlic bread.
21. There aren’t any good new songs anymore.
22. Are you really a Public Figure, or is that your way of feeling important on social media?
23. The NBA is basically all the athletic kids at recess saying, “Us 4 against everyone” and then dominating the game, even though “everyone” is about 13 people.
24. Congratulations to Gary Bettman on his induction into the Hockey Hall of Fame. I feel bad that people mocked his induction on social media.
25. If I ever feel like the world around me is spinning too fast, I look up a live performance of Where The Streets Have No Name on YouTube and everything slows down.
26. I’m so glad I got to experience elementary school when the most technology the teachers used was an overhead projector and a fat back TV.
27. Smart Boards were more prevalent in my last few years of high school. I thought they were a hokey gimmick.
28. It’s time for my annual reminder that my generation didn’t ask for participation trophies, but rather, they were given to us by the same people who complain about them.
29. Soccer players touch their face and rub their eyes so much over the course of a game.
29.5 I mean, they held a kid’s hand walking out on the field. Then they shook the hands of the referees and their opponent. Then they rub their face for 90 minutes.
30. I’m not a germaphobe, I’m smart. I never use the railing when I’m walking up or down stairs in public.
30.5 Children use railings. Their hands are stickier than caramel and have probably been in their mouth or pants within the last hour. Have fun.
31. Game shows peaked with Deal or no Deal.
32. Do you ever think about how weird the world is going to be 20 years from now?
33. I’ve seen two engagement posts on Instagram in the last few weeks. The captions were exactly the same. Creativity is dead.
34. There’s a song lyric I like. It goes, “Everything you want is wrong.” It’s actually quite beautiful if you think about it.
35. Donuts have gotten smaller.
36. Bullies are awful at spelling and grammar.
37. The next generation of showers will be like a car wash for humans. You just stand there with your arms up and it does the job for you. You heard it here first.
37.5 It’s already a thing, isn’t it?
38. Famous people are only famous because non-famous people pay attention to them.
39. The best friendships are the ones where you can make fun of each other and never get offended because you both know it comes from a place of love.
40. Brunch is my least favourite meal. Bring on the hate.
41. It’s not your fault if you lose a shoe. It just means your shoes didn’t want to be sole mates anymore.
41.5 There is a “tying the knot” pun here somewhere…
42. Imagine humans had elephant trunks and elephants had our noses.
43. Figuring out how to take my socks off without using my hands has saved me 1.3 seconds in my day.
44. Whenever I see a hockey team huddle around a trophy for a team picture, the song Shatterday by Vendetta Red, plays in my head because that’s the song that would play when you won the Stanley Cup in NHL 04. I’ve been brainwashed.
45. Who else remembers Ask Jeeves?
46. Nothing will shock me more than when I found out the lyrics to the Macarena are about a woman named Macarena, who cheats on her boyfriend with two friends, while he’s being drafted to the army.
47. It’s going to be 36C on Saturday. If I wrap myself in foil and go outside, I’ll turn into a Baked Paultato.
48. I was having minestrone soup the other day and on the ladle was a bean that had broken in half. It looked like a bandage.
49. If one plus one equals two, how come when two people get married they become one? Does that mean we are all 0.5? Is that where the term “better half” comes from? Woah.
50. The trailer for Space Jam 2 is coming soon. I didn’t want this movie to happen, but I’ll support Daffy Duck in anything he does.
@CappyTalks on Twitter