Before The First Rose

If that title was too cheesy for your stomach to handle, I hope you have some crackers. If not, I’ll provide some for you. Would you like Ritz, Premium Plus, or Bretton? Answers on a postcard, please.

This post is about the new season of The Bachelorette tonight. So if that isn’t your cup of tea (or third glass of wine) then I’m going to have to ask you to return the crackers.

It’s nothing personal, it’s just food inventory.

I like that Wikipedia defines The Bachelorette as an “American reality television dating game show”. Quite the mouthful. It goes on to say the show debuted on January 8, 2003. Where were you when?

It was probably the first day back to school after Christmas break. I would’ve been 11, so basically the same age I am now, just 15 incarnations ago.

I remember watching the first season. Reality TV was exploding at the time and a bunch of concepts were being introduced for the first time.

Side note: That summer a show called Paradise Hotel premiered. It only had two seasons – the second one being in 2008. Since then, the Bachelor franchise came out with Bachelor in Paradise, which is a complete rip-off of Paradise Hotel. Paradise Hotel was much better and I don’t watch Bachelor in Paradise because of it. Okay, mainly I just don’t care, but that other reason is semi-valid. 

The bachelorette in the first season was a woman named Trista, who was the runner-up on the first season of The Bachelor. 

She ended up picking a guy named Ryan, which didn’t come as a surprise to me. Within the first few episodes, I had determined they’d be the best fit for each other.

That season started my streak of being able to predict who the final person would be, based off of the early episodes. Somewhere along the way, my streak was broken. Probably around the time when the show became more about getting famous on social media (as to avoid getting a real job) than it was about finding a spouse.

Anyway, Trista and Ryan got married and had two kids.

Trista was a good leadoff hitter, so to speak, for this show. She’s right up there with Andi Dorfman, in my books.

After the first season, the drama took off.

There was Season 3 of The Bachelor with Andrew Firestone – the great-grandson of the tire guy – and he got engaged to Jen Schefft, but then they called it off and Jen was cast as the next bachelorette.

And then at the end of her season, she picked a guy, he proposed, and she said no. Then at the after show, she told him they were better off as friends.

So that was the initial case of the lead person picking no one in the end. I don’t know if many people knew that, or remember it.

I’ve noticed there are a lot of things that modern day viewers don’t know about.

Like a few years ago when the group of guys had to pick between Kaitlyn and Britt, to determine who the bachelorette would be. Everyone was so mad about it and saying how it’s wrong to pit two women against each other and have men decide who they preferred.

Meanwhile, back in 2004 they did the same thing on The Bachelor, where they had a group of women decide who the bachelor would be.

It was between a guy with flowing blonde locks, and a guy with grey hair. They sent the guy with grey hair home. I’m not saying the hair had anything to do with it, I’m just painting a picture of who they were.

Apparently he lost out by one vote, so it was a split house.

I see why people were mad about the guys having to pick one woman over the other (they went with Kaitlyn, I would’ve picked Britt, but I also liked Kaitlyn so this point is moot) and it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to recycle, but again, this is a “dating game show” so of course they did that. Any backlash would just be turned into publicity.

I’m pretty sure they film this show over the course of eight weeks. It’s a hokey, unrealistic concept, that sometimes works, and creates a lot of fake drama for viewers. It’s wonderful.

They pretty much take 25 people and tell them, “Hey, you have a boyfriend/girlfriend now.” It always amazes me how everyone on the show is instantly infatuated by the lead person.

Rarely has someone walked out of the Bachelor mansion, stood on the watered down driveway and said, “Nah, they aren’t for me.”

It’s incredible, really. And even when week four rolls around and they’ve been on nothing but group dates with 11 other people, they still think they have a shot at being the final one.

Spoiler: You got no chance in hell. You’re just there as an extra, so when they go on a soccer group date, there are enough players. Beyond that, the producers will make a storyline for you to build your persona and keep you busy.

If they can’t create a storyline for you, you’ll just blend into the background so when you’re eliminated on Episode 6, and the viewers at home see your face for the first time, they can all tweet, “Who’s ____? Never seen him/her before.”

There’s always one of those every season.

As for this season, the bachelorette is Becca.

She’s the one who Arie proposed to last season, but broke up with on-camera, while sitting on a couch and staring at her in silence for about two decades (could’ve been 5 minutes, but it felt like two decades) as she cried, before going back to the runner-up and proposing to her.

Within a couple of months, Becca got over the whole thing and is now on her quest to find love!

Oh my holy donut. Why?

If I were Becca, I’d run away from this show. No, I’d hop in one of Arie’s old race cars and speed off down the street like I’m Lewis Hamilton, listening to that song by Avril Lavigne where she goes, “So much for my happy ending” and never think of this show again, except when I flush a toilet.

But hey, Becca can do what she wants. All the power to her.

As some of you probably know, I write “Viewing Notes” for each episode of The Bachelor/Bachelorette.

The whole “Viewing Notes” concept is a nod to my high school days and an English teacher who had us make “Active Viewing Notes” every time we watched a video.

Basically, I watch the show and give play-by-play, while inserting my own thoughts. People have told me they read my notes instead of watching the show. I find that hilarious. It’s like I’m the sacrificial lamb who will watch this show so others don’t have to subject themselves to it.

Fine by me.

Admittedly, I prefer watching The Bachelor because it’s easier for me to put myself in the lead person’s dress shoes and think of who I’d give roses to, whereas with The Bachelorette, it’s just a group of guys who never outgrew high school gym class. Still full of over-dramatic pettiness, but I’m not giving out virtual roses in my head.

Maybe it’s because I’m a guy, but I can always tell which men are jerks the second they get out of the limo. Maybe women can tell, too. 75% of the proof is in the hairstyle. The other 25% is in the initial smile.

There, something for you to look for tonight.

So if you watch this show, or just want to view it via my thoughts, come back every Tuesday for the next two months and read my Viewing Notes for this season of The Bachelorette.

Feel free to tell your friends and family about this, or you can keep it a secret from them. Whatever butters your bread.

See you tomorrow.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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26 Responses to Before The First Rose

  1. Tanushka says:

    When the bachelor began, I was 9 months old, probably taking my first steps.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. cd says:

    Having wine on Monday’s is now acceptable again !

    Great post as always Paul, can’t wait to read the viewing notes

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anonymous says:

    As usual, I’m baccccckkkk!! Can’t wait for your viewing notes, although I’m a sucker and will watch the entire season. I can’t wait for all the douche bags to get out of the limo and for us to immediately know which one is going to be the next Chad. See you tomorrow!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Becky Turner says:

    I watched two seasons way back when, during Jake’s season on The Bachelor (the airplane guy) and then the next season when Ali was The Bachelorette. Plus Bachelor in Paradise that summer since it was mostly people from Jake and Ali’s seasons. I haven’t watched since, like actually watched purposely. My senior year of college was Ben’s season of The Bachelor and my roommates were obsessed with it. I’d sit in the corner and make comments and they hated it but I thought it was funny.

    I caught half of your viewing posts last season, so you keep me at least a little in the loop so I know what’s going on on my Twitter feed. Looking forward to this season and your comments!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Ohhh Jake the plane guy. I rank him as one of the worst. I just Googled his name to see where he is now, and 3 hours ago an article was posted saying he almost applied to be on this season! Oh man that would’ve been something.

      The only way to watch this show is by finding the humour in it. Hope you enjoy my notes!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Chichi says:

    I was 2 years old.
    Well, then… I was so young! 😀

    Where were you, Paul???
    Ten days! You haven’t posted in ten days!
    I checked every day but… 😦

    But it’s good that you’re back. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Kara's Kloud says:

    IM READY FOR BECCA TO FIND LOVE!!!! Seriously, I’m pumped. I didn’t even watch The Bachelor that much last season because Arie was not my cup of tea. I look forward to seeing plenty of men in their late 20s calling themselves entrepreneurs. Cheers to this two hour season premiere 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tony Burgess says:

    I have never gotten why ridiculously good looking people need help finding love? It’s crazy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Laura says:

    So funny that I don’t watch The Bachelorette but love your posts on it! Just like being there but only the funny… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hira says:

    I was flipping channel when I noticed The Bachelor show and guess who crossed my mind 🙂 Looking forward to my share of sacrificial lamb!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. elizabeth says:

    Thank you for the history breakdown at the start, I didn’t know about much of that as this stupid show started when i was 9. Loved the Avril Lavigne reference also. Can confirm that the Australian Bachelor/ette is 10 times lamer, and they try to make it way more serious with overly dramatic music, however i still watch. I enjoy how the American version often pokes fun at itself.. especially with the bloopers lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      The Australian version is lamer?? That almost seems impossible haha. For some reason we all know these shows are terrible but it’s so hard to stop watching. Glad you like the Lavigne reference, thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Ely says:

    LOL you know I hate this show right? And you know I’ll still LMAO at your posts and read them and feel like
    I’m actually there watching in some like live audience with the “LAUGH NOW” signs flashing. I’m already behind this season on Paul’s Viewing Notes so I gotta go Paul, sorry, nothing personal. ALSO? Yes. I can smell a jerk from 5 miles away. It’s refreshing to hear that a guy can do that too! HAPPY FRIDAY FRIEND!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Don’t worry, I think half the people who read these posts also hate/don’t watch the show but I somehow hook them with the over the top drama turned comedy lol. LAUGH NOW will be my next blog tagline hahahappy friday!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Myka says:

    My goodness. As you know I am so far behind. BUT I am catching up! (Finally)!. Go me. Having a little celebration for myself right now. My favorite part of this: “Probably around the time when the show became more about getting famous on social media (as to avoid getting a real job) than it was about finding a spouse.” WELL, well, well. I couldn’t have said it better myself – and do think I’ve said this exactly a number of times. I am infatuated with (to some degree) these people & at the same time do not want to give them any of my attention, or likes. Because WTF are they really doing besides NOTHING! *humph* Can’t wait to read your notes! .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha all the former contestants on this show try and turn their Instagram into a lifestyle account. If you put all of their photos side by side, you have the same person but with a dozen different names. There’s no originality with them. It’s really quite hilarious.

      Ohhh you’re going to love my notes. There’s a special twist with them this season.

      Like

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