I think I’m getting sick. No wait, I think I have allergies. No, that can’t be it. I’ve never had allergies. I must be getting sick. But I’ve gone to sleep early the last two nights. Sleep doesn’t make you sick. I must have allergies. What if I went to sleep early because I was getting sick? Oh no. I must be getting sick, with a side of aller-veggies.
There. At least I can be healthy and sick.
What am I even saying?
Hi. Paul here. You there. Don’t mind me, I’m just going to hop, skip, and sniffle my way through this blog post.
Let’s ignore that “aller-veggies” hybrid that I created. I don’t know what it means. Actually, it would mean I’m allergic to veggies, so I’m not really eating healthy while being sick, at all.
For the record, I’m not allergic to vegetables. Confused yet? I sure yam.
YAM BACKWARDS IS MAY.
I must be getting sick. I only write loopy blog posts like this when I’m sick.
Or I just have allergies and am always this loopy. I can’t tell. You can’t tell. We all scream for ice cream. Yay!
I can always tell when I haven’t written a blog post in awhile. And no, it’s not because there aren’t comments from people telling me they love me and my blog, when I check my notifications.
Hey, your words. Not mine. I’m not bragging. You said it, not me.
I can feel it internally, that I haven’t written something and it bothers me. That being said, my last post was on Monday and I’m making it seem like three days is a long time.
I feel comfortable saying all this because none of you would get mad at someone who is getting sick. If I had allergies, you would’ve clicked away by now.
I’m using this sick excuse when it benefits me.
Do other bloggers feel this way? Do you feel something building inside of you when you haven’t written something in ___ amount of days?
And by “building inside of you” I’m vaguely referencing the Magic School Bus episode where they’re at a bakery and get baked with a cake and are eaten, and end up in someone’s stomach.
If you somehow knew I was vaguely referencing that before I told you I was, we should probably get married.
Sometimes I wish I could be the kind of person who sits down and writes a bunch of blog posts at one time, and schedule them for the future. That would be so much easier.
But I can never convince myself to do that. I have a hard enough time convincing myself to write one blog post, believe it or not.
There is always a desire to write, but there is always a desire to put it off and do it later. I tell myself that a blog post isn’t ready to come out yet, even though it’s been on my mind for two months.
I’ll find a way to avoid writing certain posts because I know that I’ll have to be on my self-proclaimed “A game” to write them, and there are times when I can’t muster up the energy to deliver a blog post I’d be proud of.
It’s a constant push and pull inside of me. I want to say all this stuff, but never right now.
There are a bunch of notes on my phone and drafts on my computer, that have one or two short sentences in them. They are all ideas I once had for blog posts, that I felt were good enough to not forget. Hence, I wrote them down.
Now, most of them don’t even make sense to me.
One of them says, “There is more. Don’t be satisfied.”
Am I writing fortune cookies and didn’t know it? How sick am I? How bad are my alleged allergies? Why did I write that down?
Here’s one idea in a draft that I do remember.
“How do we go from GI Joe the hero
To a bunch of regular Joes on IG”
I’ve been trying to put that in a poem, or include it in a caption, since August 23, 2017.
I think I wanted to put it in a really in-your-face kind of rap poem, but could never get in the right headspace for it.
I just thought that it was a clever line that really pokes a bread stick at our generation. Tell me it’s not a clever line. Now that I’ve revealed it, I probably can’t use it for anything. It would be like stealing flowers from my neighbour’s yard and planting them in my yard.
That analogy makes sense, don’t question it.
Hmm maybe I will use that GI Joe line someday. We’ll see.
Fun Fact: It took me about two years to realize that “IG” stood for “Instagram.”
Abbreviations have never been my friend, ever since I was in Grade 9 and a girl messaged me on MSN: “whtchu hv 4 hmwk”.
I didn’t reply to her, so half an hour later she asked if I was still there.
In reality, I had been staring at her message for a long time trying to figure out what in the world it meant. And I know what you’re thinking. “Paul, it’s so obvious!” Well I didn’t know!
You have to educate before you can expect!
God, I love that quote. Made it myself.
That was a different time. I had braces.
Without me asking what her jumbled abbreviation meant, she asked again in normal English.
Ohhhhhhhh, what do I have for homework?! Why didn’t you just type it out properly the first time? Are there letters missing from your keyboard?
Personally, it takes me longer to type out words with missing letters, than it does to write a complete sentence.
There are exceptions, of course. I’ll type out “btw”, which stands for “Bring The Wings”, as you all know.
No one has brought me wings, yet.
But the silly shortcut of turning the word “homework” into “hmwk” just rubs me the wrong way.
If you were to take the vowels out of my name, you’d just have “pl.” They wouldn’t even capitalize the P.
But we all know that “pl” stands for Pizza Leftovers, so I guess I’d be okay with it.
What would your name be if you took out the vowels, and what would it stand for? Play along at home/in the comments section.
I think about a lot of weird things every time I may or may not have allergies.
For instance, remember when January felt like it was 70 days long? Now we’re in May, and pretty soon the year will be half over. I don’t think any of us have realized that next year is going to be 2019.
TWO THOUSAND AND NINETEEN.
AND THEN IT GETS WORSE.
THEN, IT’LL BE 2020 AND WE’LL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE “2020 VISION” CAPTIONS FROM PEOPLE WEARING 2020 GLASSES ON NEW YEAR’S EVE.
I’m already dreading it. Please come up with something more clever than that. For my sake. Just my sake.
I still kinda sorta remember the first day back to school after Christmas break in Grade 3. I only kinda sorta remember it because the French teacher came in, wrote the date down, and we were all stumped by the year 2000.
We had been perfectly trained to say 1999 en Francais. But 2000? N’est pas de knowledge.
We’re all getting old. It’s not fair. Why can’t life be like Snakes & Ladders? You climb the ladder to an age 15 years in the future, but run into a snake and it’s back to age 4.
How fun would that be?
You go from being the CEO of a large corporation, to being the CEO of a sandbox. Life is so linear. This would completely throw it off. There would be no stability. It would be chaos. Your spouse could be in diapers tomorrow, and not the adult kind either.
Yeah, okay, this Snakes & Ladders in real life thing was a bad idea.
But I might be getting sick, so cut me some slack.
Or maybe I have All of the Ergies. I don’t know.
Thanks for reading.