50 Thoughts XVII

1. Do you ever just pause for a moment and remind yourself that game show contestants in the 80s were so happy to learn that a brand new luggage set was the grand prize? Because I do.

2. Is there a difference between a lucky number and a favourite number?

3. The year is 2068. The world is run by people whose first words were, “Make sure you like, share, and subscribe.”

4. I have a theory that Waldo was lonely, which is why he made sure to wear a unique outfit, thus allowing us to always find him. Waldo just wanted to be found, guys.

5. I want a Mr. Bean reboot. There, I said it. Make it happen, universe.

6. What does the opposite of an ugly crier look like?

7. My blog friend Sooch, from India, recently told me that she reads my 50 Thoughts posts, as well as some of my other brilliant one-liners (my words, not hers), to her father when patients drive them nuts at the office (her words, not mine). Therefore, I’ve prepared a joke.

7.5 A bumblebee walks into a Doctor’s office and asks how long the wait will be until they can be examined. The Doctor replies: “Two hours, I’m a busy bee.”

7.75 Alternate punch lines for that joke include: “Please bee patient” and “Buzz off”.

8. I prefer soft bacon over crispy bacon.


9.5 I’m normal.

10. If it were up to me, I’d book the Black Eyed Peas to play every Super Bowl half-time show. It just feels like their “thing”, you know?

11. If all vehicles were designed like bumper cars, accidents wouldn’t cause so much damage. Think about it.

12. I think cheddar cheese is the best cheese.

13. What do you call it when you stare at an oreo? Stereo.

14. Boom shakalaka.

15. I’ve never understood why people ask others for an apology. That’s not how an apology works.

16. I’ve never been to a sporting event where there hasn’t been a guy who puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles really loudly.

17. “Batteries not included” is the worst sequence of three words that have ever been put together.

18. The first five times you say “Autumnal”, it trips over your tongue, but then you get used to it and sound like a normal blabbering fool who talks to themselves. Try it!

19.  In five years we’ll probably find out that “Meme” is actually pronounced “Me-Me”.

21. Big Comfy Couch.

22. Do you ever see a toilet outside by the curb and think, “Man, if those walls could talk”?

23. The best bagels are the ones you can spin around your finger.

24. The first person who ever told someone to “Break a leg” definitely meant it, but a kid probably overheard it and their parent must’ve told them a white lie like, “Oh, that means good luck.” That’s my theory.

25. “I contemplate the day we wed, your friends are boring me to death, your veil is ruined in the rain” is such a great lyric. 10 points if you know what song it’s from.

26. Wait, is it called Black Mirror because we’re going to get to a point where we look in a mirror and don’t even see our reflection????

27. The conga line at my elementary school dances in the gym always got 100% participation.

28. Forget a stress ball, get me a piñata and fill it with bubble wrap.

29. Sure the Grinch stole Christmas, but he gave it back! No one ever gives him credit for that.

29.5 “Don’t be a Grinch!” You mean someone who saves Christmas? Okay.

30. I overanalyze words. Like how did “Rub-a-dub-dub” come about? What is a dub dub?

31. Happy Birthday! (I’m hoping this applies to someone)

32. If you do it right, blogging is a free education of the cultures around the world.

33. “The aliens are here and they look nothing like the ones in Space Jam” is a text alert we’re all going to get one day, right?

34. I need to go on a wrestling rant soon. It’s been festering.

35. Do you wear a watch, or do you say “I just look at my phone” every time someone points out there isn’t a watch on your wrist?

35.5 I’m a watch guy.

35.75 That made me sound like a stalker, instead of someone who wears a watch.

36. I always get so much flack whenever I do half thoughts on here. People tell me I’m giving them more than 50 thoughts, as if it’s a bad thing. You could all use a little more Paul in your lives if you ask me. Recognize.

37. If I start holding my toothbrush in my left hand to brush my teeth, will that help me develop the left side of my brain, or will I just get toothpaste on my face?

38. I refer to perogies as rogies. Doing so adds excitement to my life.

39. I had an English teacher in high school who allowed us to use our notes for every test. Every test was a crossword puzzle. He was subtly preparing us to take good notes in university/college. That’s how school should be.

40. It takes no guts at all to call yourself a friendly ghost.

41. Old Mother Hubbard got stuck in a cupboard, eating her curds and whey.

41.5 Did I say it right?

42. I keep having this vision in my mind that one day I’ll be in a banquet hall with 50 of my closest blog friends and we’ll all stare at each other and think, “They look nothing like their profile picture.”

42.5 I’m telling you, it’s happening one day. Reserve your seat now.

43. I’m thinking of updating some things on my blog, including my profile picture. Should I?

44. Tic-Tac-Toe is an unfair game. Whoever goes second only has 4 moves to work with and 3 of them have to be in a row. Come on now.

45. Sometimes I think I could be a teacher and other times I think I’d just spend the whole day asking the kids if they know what different items from the 90s are. I’d make them stay in for recess so I could explain the ethics behind rewinding a VHS tape to the beginning after you’re done with it.

46. I never got into comic books. It was never clear to me which dialogue I was supposed to read first.

47. Nacho cheese can be all yours. I find it disgusting.

48. The only way chili won’t look like vomit is if I close my eyes. No thanks.

49. Which school supply is most important? The RULER.

50. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday/Friday, Saturday, Saturday to Sunday/Get, get, get, get, get with us, you know what we say, say/Party every day, p-p-p-party every day/And I’m feelin’, woohoo…..

50.5 Yeah, you’re welcome.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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70 Responses to 50 Thoughts XVII

  1. Little Rants says:

    2. I don’t think there is, because your lucky number eventually becomes your favorite.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Little Rants says:

    Hahahahaha. 7.5. I Love that joke! You realize I’m leaving comments as I read, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Little Rants says:

    25. The quiet things… by brand new. Omg. I didn’t know you liked that song!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Little Rants says:

    35.5. I’m a watch girl too. Not the lifeguard kinda watchgirl that watches people from some weird Rapunzel-Esque tower. I don’t stalk….. much.


    Liked by 1 person

  5. Little Rants says:

    50. “Woohoo” reminds me of this movie called The Big sick. I loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Okay! 28 Im all over that too!
    30 definitely relatable lol
    32 is my a-ha theres some truth in there.
    34 I was curious about I was expecting to see something from you Monday.
    35 I look at the sun!
    36! Lmao! You are pretty awesome!
    42-Valid point. Im going to start using a photo of a rock so there is no disappointment.
    43-Use the movie theater photo with the popcorn lol. I tell everyone about that experience with the “broken chairs” Its an awesome story for laughs. Thanks!
    44-Haha I love it
    45-Oddly I’ve pictured you as a teacher before.
    Goodness I love the 50 Thoughts posts. Always makes me laugh thanks Paul I needed it tonight.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      35. You look at the sun to tell time? That’s awesome! I normally sneeze when I look at the sun.
      36. I am awesome, thank you!
      43. Hahaha you tell people that story?? Even I don’t tell people that story, except on my blog.
      45. Oh?
      You’re welcome! Happy to provide a laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. markbialczak says:

    OK I’m going to be that guy, Paul … unless you went to elementary school in an African country instead of Canada, your whole crew danced in a conga line.
    And if automobiles were designed like bumper cars, would our whole drives be confined to walked-off tracks?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 1. TBH I’d be pretty excited today if I won a new luggage set!
    2. yes totally!
    4. I’ve always heard that Waldo wore stripes not polka dots because “he didn’t want to be spotted” haha
    5. Idk if we can be friends after that…
    14: YAAASSSS
    28: what if it was MADE of bubble wrap too? So you get to hear the popping as you smash it with a stick and THEN you get the extra joy of popping the bubble wrap after?
    35: Yes! I feel weird without my watch on
    39: He’s my new hero and he sounds like an amazing teacher! My English teacher in high school was named Mr. Hickey and his name got all the giggles.
    41.5: No lol
    42: I hope I look nothing like my profile picture!!!
    42.5: Not sure if I made the list, but you mentioned it so I’m coming. Don’t be that rude guy who mentions it to EVERYONE and then doesn’t invite people.
    45: As a former teacher, I can say this is all we do. You’d be perfect.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      1. But wouldn’t you feel a bit ripped off knowing other game shows are giving away thousands of dollars?
      4. That’s Waldo’s PR team putting a spin on things.
      28. YES. A pinata made out of bubble wrap! Genius.
      39. He was the best. I had him 4 times in high school for various English related courses. Uhh there was a Ms. Hickey at my school…
      42.5 Of course you’re invited

      Liked by 1 person

  9. onebigstressball says:

    I love these posts

    Liked by 2 people

  10. onebigstressball says:

    9. BLEND IM HERE!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Just that one Girl says:

    This made my day 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Noor says:

    My mum was sitting next to me few hours ago, and a like notification from you popped on my screen and i started ranting about how amazing your blog is, mum requested a picture of you *typical mums*.. or is it just my mum ?? but anyways she thinks your profile pic is much more better than your about page pic hahaha another typical mum thing i guess :3 but I think changing your profile pic would be a great update, we need more angles of Paul in our lives as well not just his half thoughts right? :3
    -You won’t get any toothpaste on your face but you will take double your usual time to brush your teeth and may give up after the first try (just like me) so don’t be like me, be discipline! give up after the second or third try :3
    -Your high school English teacher is a genius, i sooo needed him back in my high school days
    – Your jokes are absolutely genius as well, all of them. no exceptions. really.

    Love your thoughts posts, i always think of writing a similar one but i don’t think i would ever get 50 well written thoughts like yours, mine will probably be too realistic and boring, but i have a future plan of writing one soon, not very soon tho, any suggestions on how to write one of these ? :3

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Hahaha all this time I thought my about page pic was the best. Hmm.

      I brushed my teeth last night and didn’t even think of using my left hand. That’ll be the first hurdle I have to clear – actually remember to do it.

      He was the best teacher I’ve ever had. More teachers should follow his ways.

      Thank you! My suggestion is to let a few thoughts accumulate before sitting down and writing a list. That being said, I come up with 95% of these thoughts just off the top of my head as I’m writing. Just force yourself to think of random things it’ll you’ll be fine.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Becky Turner says:

    Two things. 1. Is this just a brain/word vomit dump at once? Or how do these 50 Thoughts get produced? Because wow were these over the place. And 2. For #42, if that blog party ever happens, I can bring ice cream. Lots of ice cream. (I moonlight on the weekends as an ice cream scooper at a local place in my hometown. AKA my first job at 16 and I still can’t leave.)

    Liked by 3 people

    • Paul says:

      So I do these 50 Thoughts once a month and over the course of the month I’ll think of things that I deem are clever and make a note of them in my phone. But I only collect about 6 of those and then the rest are just spontaneously thought of on the spot as I’m writing. I try to force myself to think of random things and then this list just comes out.

      YES! Bring the ice cream. Do you have mint chocolate ice cream?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Becky Turner says:

        Gotcha, that makes sense. I’m not sure if I have enough random thoughts in a month to compile a list like this haha.

        Yes! We have vanilla, chocolate, and twist soft serve, the majority of popular flavors for hard ice cream (plus moose tracks, cake batter, smores [my favorite!], cotton candy, and pumpkin in the fall), vanilla soft yogurt, and hard yogurts. We can do cones, cups, sundaes, milkshakes, basically the works. And special order ice cream cakes, too. We open next month, which is ridiculous, but people come.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Well, I’m sold! I don’t think I’ve ever heard of cake batter ice cream. Normally I just lick the bowl whenever my mom or sister make a cake.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. heymeghan91 says:

    8) Same. SOFT BACON FOR LIFE!!
    9.5) Stop lying. You’re not……
    12) YES
    13)……stop it…..
    33) hahaha I hope so
    42) I don’t even remember what my picture is…oh wait it’s the back of my head. Spoiler alert….it still looks the same. I think…..
    42.5) I expect my seat has been saved since the beginning bff
    50) I’m ashamed to say it took me a minute to realize what you were quoting……whoops.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Just wanted to let you know that 31 applies to someone… Me! It’s actually my birthday today so thanks for that 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  16. MagLyM says:

    I love these posts! However, I am not sure how I feel about you liking soft bacon (just the thought of soft bacon makes me sick), but thinking nacho cheese and chili are gross. It’s perplexing. Crispy bacon all the way!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. The oreo! Haha! and yeah, the toothbrush thing–Im getting older so trying to use my left hand more– i think it means your teeth just don’t get as clean.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Squid says:

    #5 YES PLEASE!
    #13-14 😂👉👉
    #24 is my new favorite conspiracy theory!!!
    #35 Can’t go a day without my watch… #walmartwatcheslastforeveruntiltheydont
    #42 reserving seat now please!
    #43 if you want to update your profile pic, do it! You can always change it back if you don’t like it, lol
    #44 my stepdad can beat (or tie) anyone by going second in tic-tac-toe though… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      24. It’s a great conspiracy theory!
      43. Yeah I’m thinking about it. I don’t even know what the new photo would be though haha
      44. Lol I can cause a tie too and probably win by going second but it depends on the opponent

      Liked by 1 person

  19. peckapalooza says:

    1. I recently discovered the plethora of 80s game shows available to watch through Amazon Prime. What makes me laugh is the parting gifts. First place can keep his thousands of dollars. Give me that crock pot.
    6. …a beautiful smiler?
    8. You MONSTER!
    10. Saw them live once. They do a great show.
    16. Neither have I. But that’s usually because I’m that guy.
    28. Brilliant.
    42. I’m in. I’ll even come to Canada for that one. I’ve got my passport.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      1. I also like how they mention that contestants stay at (insert hotel name).
      6. Hahah you got me there. I was thinking “is everyone an ugly crier? What’s the opposite of that? A normal crier?”
      42. It’ll definitely be in Canada.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. No no no!! It had to be crispy bacon – but you’re right about the cheese! Oh and gimme a piñata like that everyday!! 😆

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Ely says:

    These are my faveeeeee LOL!!!! Ok ok ok. I love the RULER joke! Did you make the up?! Let’s be real! “You all need more Paul in your lives. Recognize” lmfoa I feel like you did a gangster pose like where they kind of hug themselves and mean mug and tilt their bodies a little to the left? It’s old school gangster stuff. Lmfao about cars being designed like bumper cars, I mean? Duh!!!! Also I never liked Waldo- he’s an arrogant little man who needs attention! And I’m glad you hate nacho cheese.
    More for us! And about your profile picture LOL I think it’s great that you look like a super serious guy in a suit but then BAM just kiddddingggggggg I got puns on puns on puns and we here to have fun on fun on fun!!! It’s perfect- but if it looks nothing like you just put on a new suit and replicate the photo!!! Just my 3.65 cents. Well that would be my 3 dollars and 65 cents wouldn’t it?! Well I make the rules here: 3.65 cents! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Of course I made up the ruler joke! I have to be original lol. Oh you know me too well, that gangster pose is exactly what I had in mind when I said “Recognize”. No baggy jeans though, I keep it classy not uhh assy? Hahaha putting on a suit is like a half day ordeal for me. I think I still look like my photo, maybe minus a few pounds. If anything I’d replace it with something from Instagram but most of my photos on there are a joke haha. Thank you for your $3.65!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Jad says:

    I’m coming to your blog party but I will need to sit in the corner facing the wall the entire time because no-one can ever see my face!!

    Liked by 1 person

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