1. People get so excited for “Patio Szn” and “Wedding Szn”. I’m thinking of creating a new “Szn” called “Bedding Szn”. Basically, we just nap. Who’s in?
2. The uppercase letter “G” is my least favourite letter to write.
3. I draw the number 6 starting from inside the loop. Apparently this is abnormal?
4. Riverdale is getting a bit hokey, isn’t it?
5. Italy didn’t qualify for the World Cup which means I don’t have to pretend to like soccer next year. Phew.
6. Carol from The Walking Dead is the best. I want to be her friend. Don’t know what we’d talk about, but I won’t be bitten by a zombie under her watch, so that’s good.
7. Imagine the plural of “Goose” was “Gaase”.
8. Is Santa Claus related to Santa Barbara?
9. To the non-Canadians reading this who have never been introduced to All Dressed chips, you are missing out.
10. Can we go just one Wednesday without someone mentioning that it’s “Hump Day”? You don’t think we know by now?
11. Onion rings are the worst.
12. Scalloped potatoes are also the worst.
13. I hope the wrestling business gets to a point where talent can roam freely from company to company.
14. I’ve had six matchups so far in my fantasy hockey season. Of which, I have three ties. THREE. It’s killing me slowly.
15. In the song, “Stroke Me” by The Squire, I always thought the lyrics were, “Something’s cooking” but they are actually, “Stroke me, stroke me.”
15.5 I’ve been meaning to mention this one since August 2016 but never knew how to just throw it in a blog post without it being weird.
16. Advertisements on YouTube videos are a waste of time and money, let’s be honest.
17. Shout-out to Catherine at One Big Stressball. She can read my mind. And you should read her blog.
18. If you haven’t watched Last Chance U on Netflix, you probably should. Unless you don’t like football, or documentaries, or football documentaries. But it’s a good show! Watch it. Tell them Paul sent you.
18.5 They have no clue who I am.
18.75 Who would you even tell? It’s Netflix.
19. I don’t know who invented the couch, but they’re a genius.
20. People who wear their socks to sleep are probably the same people who are okay with sleeping with the door open.
20.5 Please leave a comment below telling me you wear your socks to bed, but would never leave the door open. I’m hoping to get at least 7 comments like this.
21. Ever since I wrote a rant complaining about my iPhone battery, it’s been lasting longer. A few weeks ago, it went 40 hours between charges. That is a modern day record in my age bracket.
22. Eenie meenie miney mo (is this english?), catch a tiger by the toe (hell no), if he hollers let him go (no kidding), eenie meenie miney mo (french?). Not because you’re dirty (phew), not because you’re clean (sniffs armpits), just because you kissed a girl behind a magazine (but the magazine was blocking…). So out you go come back tomorrow (see ya then). Repeat x10
22.5 And that’s how we decided who was “it” for tag back in elementary school.
23. When we say numbers out loud, most of them are just a combination of two numbers. “Twenty” and “three” is known as twenty-three. Why didn’t they get a couples name, like people do? Like, “Twenree”.
26. TWIX (are for kids).
27. That last thought was a pun, a chocolate, a joke, and a Halloween reference. I only needed four words to do it. Bow down in awe.
28. I’ve never been in a hammock. I don’t think I’d ever get off if I were to ever get on.
29. Clearest Blue by Chvrches is really good.
30. I want a new hobby. Something small and simple and beneficial. Last year my “new hobby” was solving Sudoku puzzles. The year before that, it was donuts.
31. Shouldn’t there be another “n” on the end of “banana” just to make it even with the letter “a”? Let’s start a petition.
31.5 Pronounced: “Buh-nan-nan”.
31.75 Try getting that out of your head.
32. I’m just here to make the world a more observant place. And if no one notices me, I’ll have proven that my cause is worthy.
33. The people I follow on Twitter aren’t as funny with 280 characters. Someone tell them.
34. When I picture animals on a farm arranging a social event, I picture a planning committee with one of each animal. And when they go around suggesting events, the cow always says “Moooovie Night” and everyone else rolls their eyes because it’s like, “Really Bessy, movie night again?” And then there is just a lot of resentment and anger and they reluctantly settle on board games night, which no one really wants, but everyone agrees on because it’s simple.
35. What if shadows didn’t exist?
36. I was honoured and humbled to have my post about Roy Halladay featured on WordPress Discover last week.
37. I was going to say that nothing rhymes with “country” but then I realized that “one tree” rhymes with country, so this thought is now moooooot.
37.5 Sorry. Bessy got loose.
38. Why can’t we all agree to not drive like maniacs?
39. If fish live in a fish tank, does that mean humans live in a human house?
40. I’ve been trying to find the right time to start season two of Stranger Things, but haven’t found it yet.
41. I have a tendency to overplay the same song for a week and then scramble to find a new song to fill the void. There is nothing worse than not being able to find that new song.
42. None of my favourite celebrities have been outed as disgusting human beings. Then again, Jerry Seinfeld and Kristen Bell are the only two I care about.
43. I’m about to watch Part 2 of the Elizabeth Smart documentary on A&E. Kudos to her for telling her story. Part 1 was startling, to say the least. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google her name.
44. In 5-10 years, we’ll probably have to use our eyes to unlock our iPhone. That’ll be a heck of a marketing campaign. They’ll probably rename it the iiPhone.
44.5 Get it? Because we have two eyes? I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
45. Why be Cookie Monster for Halloween when you can be Cookie Monster every day?
46. Who here watches Survivor? I tried to do viewing notes for the show like I do with The Bachelor, but I realized I enjoy the show too much to be distracted by a computer screen (and the witty comments in my head) the whole time.
47. Woodchucks are only famous because of a long, drawn out, hypothetical question. What a life.
48. The phrase “bear with me” is so strange. “Pig with me” I could understand. It means you want someone to eat with you. But, “bear”?
48.5 And if you use “bare” by accident, then you’re in trouble.
49. Things I Don’t Like #476: When Person X asks Person Y a question and Person Y doesn’t give an answer, but instead, belittles Person X for not already knowing the answer. Can we cut that nonsense out of our daily life? If someone asks you a question, answer it. I don’t care if it’s a stupid question.
50. We can dance if we want to. We can leave your friends behind. Cause your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, well they’re no friends of mine. We can dance, we can dance, everybody look at your hands.
That song has been the first thing in my head each morning for the last two weeks. Why?