A Bunch of Stuff

I don’t really have one thing to say, I have a lot of things to say. And I’m warning you now, this may come across as a rant. Also, I have a headache right now. And my right eye is twitching. I look and feel like a pirate from a cartoon.

Where to begin?

How about with Siri? You know, the automated person that people talk to whenever they want an answer to a question?

I find the whole system ridiculous. I’m going to bang my head against a chip bag, and hope I put a hole in it so the chips come out, the next time I have to witness someone say, “Hey Siri”, proceed to ask their question, and then re-ask their question because Siri didn’t provide them with the answer they wanted.

Enough! Just search for the answer yourself! You’re already holding the phone! They did not teach us how to do research in school just for you to not use your greasy fingers on a touch screen phone.

And all this hoopla over funny answers Siri responds with if you ask it a specific question, I’m done with it. You know who’s funny? Me. I will not be replaced by a robot.

Speaking of phones, what’s the deal with battery life? I’m constantly told that phone updates are meant to improve my phone. How? I merely pick it up and it loses 3% of its battery.

I don’t even want to use my phone anymore because the battery percentage in the top right corner decreases right in front of my eyes now. It used to diminish while I was looking elsewhere. Now I actually see it tick down like it’s a microwave timer.

But the internet will save me! There are a million articles on how to preserve battery life. All you have to do is shut off every setting that eats your battery when you’re not looking.

Great. So the default settings are not customer friendly? I thought we were on the same team here.

Oh, but it’s fine. If you want a new phone, you can read up on all the features, like the Megatrix Decktopiatron 9000 which makes your screen look nice. Ha, what?

Can we speak in simple terms? I don’t know what your technological terminology means, nor do I know how impressed I’m supposed to be by it. I’m not shopping for a broom to play quidditch with.

Speaking of sports, let’s pivot to football.

Cam Newton. He’s the quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, and this week a reporter asked him a question about routes that his receiver runs. His immediate response was to chuckle and say “It’s funny to hear a female talk about routes.”

What a stupid thing to say. And there’s no coming back from it, either. You can’t apologize and expect people to believe you’re sincere.

What is so wrong with women being knowledgable about sports? And why is it still shocking?

And I know other reporters, who are women, came out and said what Cam said wasn’t that big of a deal. Alright. Fine. I think it was an ignorant thing to say.

As a society, why do we constantly have to look at someone’s gender and then place them in a category of what they should know and what they shouldn’t; what they’re interested in and what they aren’t.

Do I fit the demographic of someone who would watch The Bachelor? No. But I do. And I make viewing notes about them and post them on my blog because I’M HILARIOUS. Siri can’t do that.

Some women know a lot about sports. Some women don’t. Some men know a lot about sports. Some men don’t. What’s the difference? There shouldn’t be one.

Moving on.

I don’t understand how the leader of a country that shall not be named, can tweet so much over the course of a day. When I worked at camp, it was frowned upon to even carry my phone with me during the day, let alone tweet.

I’m pretty sure people got fired for being on their phone too much.

One quality I look for in a leader (of anything) is someone who is the most self-aware person in the room at all times. That way, when people don’t like them, they know.

None of this constant finger pointing. Self-aware people don’t do that.

Also, what’s with one word statements followed by an exclamation mark?

Stop it, my brain can’t handle it. Please!

Moving on.

This is the most political post I’ve ever done, except for the viewing notes I did for the presidential debates, so I might as well keep going as long as I’m in this rabbit hole.

NFL. PLAYERS. ARE. NOT. KNEELING. BECAUSE. THEY. ARE. PROTESTING. THE. ANTHEM.

And how delusional do you have to be to attribute low NFL ratings to their protest?

Have you watched an NFL game lately? Those things can drag on forever with nothing happening, especially when two bad teams are playing.

Oh look, a two yard gain. Let’s watch as another 40 seconds tick off the clock before we run for a gain of three yards.

People complain about baseball games going long? Well at least something is always going on. In football, there is so much time wasted in resetting for the next play.

Politicians always like to say hopeful things like, “The conversation needs to be had about ____.”

How am I supposed to trust that a proper, adult conversation is ever going to be had?

All I ever see is people who never want to back down from their view. I see posturing. I see people ready for their photo op. And in the middle of it all is political statements on Twitter and “threads”.

When was the last time you saw someone change their political views based on a Twitter or Facebook post? Never. It’s never happened.

No one has ever replied with, “You know what, you’re right. I’m wrong. I’m going to take your position now. Let’s be cordial. Let’s be friends. Buddies, even. Want to share a pizza?”

Also, why are there so many pictures of politicians laughing? What in the world is so funny? Let me in on the joke. I like a good laugh.

Oddly enough, my head hurts less now than when I started writing this post.

Moving on.

Whipped cream. I don’t understand the hype.

Same goes for ice cream on pie. I’ve been told that the mixture of a warm and cold item are good together.

If that’s true, then I’ll stick to french fries and ketchup.

But hey, eat whatever you want. Just don’t expect me to like it.

That’s another thing.

When you go to a restaurant and always order a burger/fries, pasta, or a sandwich – it’s not because you’re a picky eater. It’s because you like to order things you actually like and don’t feel like spending money on something you’ve never had before.

Why is that so hard for people to understand?

If a restaurant wanted to give me a free sample of something I’ve never eaten before, fine. If not, I’m going for what I like, so I don’t exit the restaurant with regrets.

My stomach only has so much space. It goes back to economics and opportunity cost. If I fill my stomach with food I’ve never had before, how much space is left for the food I actually want?

It’s science, people!

I’ve covered a lot here tonight, I hope it all made sense.

I think the obvious takeaway from this post is that the entire world needs a simultaneous nap for about a week. We just need a break from each other and our phones.

And if “napping” isn’t your thing, first off, who do you thinking you are?

And second, we’re shipping you off to Narnia. Into the wardrobe you go!

I’ve lost my mind, so this post is going to end abruptly.

Abruptly.

That was a joke. In your face, Siri. Or should I say, in your facial recognition?

I shouldn’t because Siri recognizes voices, not faces. Come on, Paul! Think!

Goodnight.