A Bunch of Stuff

I don’t really have one thing to say, I have a lot of things to say. And I’m warning you now, this may come across as a rant. Also, I have a headache right now. And my right eye is twitching. I look and feel like a pirate from a cartoon.

Where to begin?

How about with Siri? You know, the automated person that people talk to whenever they want an answer to a question?

I find the whole system ridiculous. I’m going to bang my head against a chip bag, and hope I put a hole in it so the chips come out, the next time I have to witness someone say, “Hey Siri”, proceed to ask their question, and then re-ask their question because Siri didn’t provide them with the answer they wanted.

Enough! Just search for the answer yourself! You’re already holding the phone! They did not teach us how to do research in school just for you to not use your greasy fingers on a touch screen phone.

And all this hoopla over funny answers Siri responds with if you ask it a specific question, I’m done with it. You know who’s funny? Me. I will not be replaced by a robot.

Speaking of phones, what’s the deal with battery life? I’m constantly told that phone updates are meant to improve my phone. How? I merely pick it up and it loses 3% of its battery.

I don’t even want to use my phone anymore because the battery percentage in the top right corner decreases right in front of my eyes now. It used to diminish while I was looking elsewhere. Now I actually see it tick down like it’s a microwave timer.

But the internet will save me! There are a million articles on how to preserve battery life. All you have to do is shut off every setting that eats your battery when you’re not looking.

Great. So the default settings are not customer friendly? I thought we were on the same team here.

Oh, but it’s fine. If you want a new phone, you can read up on all the features, like the Megatrix Decktopiatron 9000 which makes your screen look nice. Ha, what?

Can we speak in simple terms? I don’t know what your technological terminology means, nor do I know how impressed I’m supposed to be by it. I’m not shopping for a broom to play quidditch with.

Speaking of sports, let’s pivot to football.

Cam Newton. He’s the quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, and this week a reporter asked him a question about routes that his receiver runs. His immediate response was to chuckle and say “It’s funny to hear a female talk about routes.”

What a stupid thing to say. And there’s no coming back from it, either. You can’t apologize and expect people to believe you’re sincere.

What is so wrong with women being knowledgable about sports? And why is it still shocking?

And I know other reporters, who are women, came out and said what Cam said wasn’t that big of a deal. Alright. Fine. I think it was an ignorant thing to say.

As a society, why do we constantly have to look at someone’s gender and then place them in a category of what they should know and what they shouldn’t; what they’re interested in and what they aren’t.

Do I fit the demographic of someone who would watch The Bachelor? No. But I do. And I make viewing notes about them and post them on my blog because I’M HILARIOUS. Siri can’t do that.

Some women know a lot about sports. Some women don’t. Some men know a lot about sports. Some men don’t. What’s the difference? There shouldn’t be one.

Moving on.

I don’t understand how the leader of a country that shall not be named, can tweet so much over the course of a day. When I worked at camp, it was frowned upon to even carry my phone with me during the day, let alone tweet.

I’m pretty sure people got fired for being on their phone too much.

One quality I look for in a leader (of anything) is someone who is the most self-aware person in the room at all times. That way, when people don’t like them, they know.

None of this constant finger pointing. Self-aware people don’t do that.

Also, what’s with one word statements followed by an exclamation mark?

Stop it, my brain can’t handle it. Please!

Moving on.

This is the most political post I’ve ever done, except for the viewing notes I did for the presidential debates, so I might as well keep going as long as I’m in this rabbit hole.

NFL. PLAYERS. ARE. NOT. KNEELING. BECAUSE. THEY. ARE. PROTESTING. THE. ANTHEM.

And how delusional do you have to be to attribute low NFL ratings to their protest?

Have you watched an NFL game lately? Those things can drag on forever with nothing happening, especially when two bad teams are playing.

Oh look, a two yard gain. Let’s watch as another 40 seconds tick off the clock before we run for a gain of three yards.

People complain about baseball games going long? Well at least something is always going on. In football, there is so much time wasted in resetting for the next play.

Politicians always like to say hopeful things like, “The conversation needs to be had about ____.”

How am I supposed to trust that a proper, adult conversation is ever going to be had?

All I ever see is people who never want to back down from their view. I see posturing. I see people ready for their photo op. And in the middle of it all is political statements on Twitter and “threads”.

When was the last time you saw someone change their political views based on a Twitter or Facebook post? Never. It’s never happened.

No one has ever replied with, “You know what, you’re right. I’m wrong. I’m going to take your position now. Let’s be cordial. Let’s be friends. Buddies, even. Want to share a pizza?”

Also, why are there so many pictures of politicians laughing? What in the world is so funny? Let me in on the joke. I like a good laugh.

Oddly enough, my head hurts less now than when I started writing this post.

Moving on.

Whipped cream. I don’t understand the hype.

Same goes for ice cream on pie. I’ve been told that the mixture of a warm and cold item are good together.

If that’s true, then I’ll stick to french fries and ketchup.

But hey, eat whatever you want. Just don’t expect me to like it.

That’s another thing.

When you go to a restaurant and always order a burger/fries, pasta, or a sandwich – it’s not because you’re a picky eater. It’s because you like to order things you actually like and don’t feel like spending money on something you’ve never had before.

Why is that so hard for people to understand?

If a restaurant wanted to give me a free sample of something I’ve never eaten before, fine. If not, I’m going for what I like, so I don’t exit the restaurant with regrets.

My stomach only has so much space. It goes back to economics and opportunity cost. If I fill my stomach with food I’ve never had before, how much space is left for the food I actually want?

It’s science, people!

I’ve covered a lot here tonight, I hope it all made sense.

I think the obvious takeaway from this post is that the entire world needs a simultaneous nap for about a week. We just need a break from each other and our phones.

And if “napping” isn’t your thing, first off, who do you thinking you are?

And second, we’re shipping you off to Narnia. Into the wardrobe you go!

I’ve lost my mind, so this post is going to end abruptly.

Abruptly.

That was a joke. In your face, Siri. Or should I say, in your facial recognition?

I shouldn’t because Siri recognizes voices, not faces. Come on, Paul! Think!

Goodnight.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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38 Responses to A Bunch of Stuff

  1. Quinn says:

    I am the opposite of you in the eating realm and I’ll explain my adventurous palate; I try things that I’m not sure about (and sometimes fully expect not to like) because if I don’t, I regret not having tried them more than I regret ordering something I didn’t like. I mean, if I’m still hungry later I can always go and get something I for sure love, like a chicken nuggets and milk happy meal.

    But that mystery food? That could be my soulmate food. That could be my new pizza! And how would I know if I never tried it?

    So that’s what it is. An inability to settle for the pizza I’ve got (which is already amazing). I’m always searching for my next pizza. TYPICAL MILLENIAL NEVER SATISFIED WITH WHAT I’VE GOT!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Ah, see you’re doing it right. I think I aspire to be like you someday when it comes to food, or just in general. Deep down I know that there are foods I haven’t tried yet that I’d probably really like. My hurdle is I don’t have motivation to try them and I don’t regret it either.

      Lend me some of your food regret so I feel bad about not trying new things!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. peckapalooza says:

    Brilliant rant. Keep ’em comin’.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. markbialczak says:

    Yes, Paul. Yes! I eat what like at restaurants. Women can know more about the NFL than I do. Or less. Even Steven playing field for careers and knowledge. After the last update, my iPad power percentage gets lower as I blog and such WHILE I HAVE IT ATTACHED TO THE CHARGER. Thanks for allowing me to get it out of my system …

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Any time, Mark! My iPhone battery was going down too when I was using it when it was plugged in, but I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Guess not!

      Like

  4. Angela says:

    Siri doesn’t understand Scottish people there’s only so many times you can hear ‘I don’t understand’ before you end the relationship!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Catherine says:

    The way this country is, there is always time for a good ole rant. I’m with you, I eat what I like when I go to restaurants. Phone battery life is garbage no matter if you are “team iPhone” or “team Android.” Number 45 is going to tweet us into a damn war. Cam made a dumb remark, but what celebrity hasn’t done that? Ice cream goes good with apple.pie and peach cobbler, top it off with whip cream. Delicious.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I’m from Canada though we’re so close to the US it feels like we’re experiencing this presidency first hand. It feels like every day a celebrity or sports figure says something dumb. I guess this caught me off guard because it was so blatant and directly at a reporter. We shall agree to disagree on the food, though I’m glad you enjoy it!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Ely says:

    I’m only going to assume you were politically ranting about my beautiful perfect country 😳😂😂😂 literally, I’m just gonna start telling people I’m Canadian from now on. This place is a JOKE. I couldn’t agree with you more.
    Now- is my ranting rubbing off a little? LMAO! Because I’m digging it!! And DOESN’T IT ALL FEEL almost immediately better?! UGH. Rants are heaven!
    I googled the Megatrix Deckatopiatron 9000 because I wanted to read the specs on that baby but nothing. Have you told us a little white lie Paul??!! 😣🤣 and as far as the football stuff goes- I’m glad they are protesting the anthem and I’m SURE the low stats or whatever is decreasing in the NFL has more to do with the quality of the game being played than the fact they’re protesting!! Come on people!!!
    Food wise- I know EXACTLY what I’m getting whenever I go to my favorite restaurants which also, never change lol. I don’t even go to new places unless I’m SURE I will love them because I ain’t got money to throw away on bad food or “adventures” in my mouth. I’m not into that. And that sounded AWFUL. Sorry. Lmfao

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha I will vouch for your Canadian citizenship. Today is our Thanksgiving…we’ll welcome you in with a feast and a day off. Your rants are rubbing off on me lol though I do write rants every now and then. I’ll link you to another rant I wrote at the bottom of this comment. That Megatrix Deckmajig 9000 is totally legit! In my head at least.
      You’re football comment killed me hahaha. As for food, you summed up exactly how I feel. I gotta know what I’m eating before I get to the restaurant. I don’t have time for experimenting or accidentally eating something that’s gonna make me sick later. No adventures in my mouth either!

      Here’s another rant:
      https://captainsspeech.wordpress.com/2016/12/12/a-good-old-fashioned-rant/

      Liked by 1 person

  7. N says:

    Hahahaha…even your rant is funny!
    Siri 0 Paul 1

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Lee says:

    1. I’ve had the same phone for 6 years. Use it only to receive myriad texts from my daughter. Has a big rubber box around it, and costs me 25 bucks a month.
    2. There’s lots of women smarter than I who don’t know or care about sports.
    3. I watch hockey.
    4. I get tired of those tweets and exclamation marks too!!
    5. You are dead on about the Facebook Follies.
    6. Thanks for the laughs, and the very relevant opinions.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jad says:

    Firstly the ONLY hot thing that ice-cream actually goes with is a chocolate lava cake where hot fudge erupts from the inside!! Anything else is just wrong!
    Secondly I gave up on Siri a long time ago, now I JFGI
    Third, I was so excited to see another of your awesome rants but I almost zoned out at the sports, once I realized it was just for a brief moment I breathed a sigh of relief and continued on!!
    Another great speech Captain!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      That description of lava cake made my mouth water. Lol I thought I’d put my sports topic in the middle so I wouldn’t turn people off right away and to ensure they wouldn’t stop reading before the end. Glad you enjoyed it!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I turned off the battery percentage feature on my iPhone, as I couldn’t stand it. I was constantly saying to myself “well sure, open up Facebook. As long as you’re prepared to spend 2% battery.” I prefer not knowing. A rough estimate bar shade system is enough for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      I was thinking of doing that too! After I wrote this rant about it though, my phone lasted 30 hours without a recharge…the longest since I got it 4 years ago. I guess complaining helps battery life??

      Liked by 2 people

  11. haha! thanks for the laugh!
    “the entire world needs a simultaneous nap for about a week” – I wholeheartedly agree!! nap time for all, stat.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. When you said this was going to be all over the place and a little bit of a rant, you did not disappoint. Although, I think what *really* needs to be taken away from this is that Voldemort is still alive and you were referencing his twitter feed…That’s right! I said his name!! If it’s good enough for Neville and Luna then it’s good enough for me!

    I totally agree with the restaurant thing! I always like to think that I will try new things but what if I don’t like it? Then I’m just wasting that money and will be sad. I’ll just steal some off of someone else’s plate who has something I want to try. I make a point to actually know the person before I steal their food…apparently, strangers don’t like it when a random fork shows up to try their dinner. Strange…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      You said his name! You have guts. I’m not responsible if anything happens as a result lol.

      Hahaha imagine just walking by a table quickly and scooping something up with a fork off of a stranger’s plate. By the time they realize what happened, you’d be long gone.
      Glad you enjoyed the rant!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m kind of bad ass like that 😏😎 I dare him to try anything! Haha

        Ooo the walk and eat is a good technique. But I’m more for socializing “whats that? What does it taste like? Do you always get it? *stabs food with fork* oh you don’t mind do you?” Haha

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Haha the fork is a powerful device. I like your technique. I’d invest in a long fork to improve my reach.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Dutch Lion says:

    Hey Paul, I love rants too! I rant often! I usually don’t have the guts to write it down but I rant to my friends and family in person, without them recording it. We don’t agree about all of these things but that’s ok. We shouldn’t agree about everything. I’m with you about Siri and the gender stuff. For example, I love “Ladies of London”. I don’t tell anyone because I’m scared they will make fun of me but I guess you and all your comment readers now know. Ooops!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Ranting is fun! I take it we don’t agree on the more unimportant things I listed here and that’s perfectly fine. Thanks for sharing your secret about that show! I won’t make fun of you for it, I’ve heard of it before, but I’m actually quite interested in it now haha.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dutch Lion says:

        It’s just a bunch of women from London. It’s a reality show, which I rarely if ever watch. I heard about it because one or two of the women is from Chicagoland. They moved to London and are now in this show befriending the lavish Londonites. It’s kind of interesting to me, but I’m weird.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Squid says:

    “Some women know a lot about sports. Some women don’t. Some men know a lot about sports. Some men don’t. What’s the difference? There shouldn’t be one.” DUDE. THANK YOU FOR SUMMING THAT UP! There are people who are good at some things, and others who aren’t good at those things, regardless of their gender. I know a lot more about comic book characters than multiple guys I know, and I probably know a couple guys who know much more about fashion than I do. Does that make us “less” of our gender? Nope! It makes us unique. It. Literally. Doesn’t. Matter.
    I actually enjoyed this post more than you made me expect. I like that your complaint against our President wasn’t an insult like most people, but just a comment on his time management. 😄 I’m pretty pro-Trump, so that’s a compliment to you (I think) (??).
    Squid

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh yeah, I know nothing about comic book characters and fully admit that. People should be allowed to be interested in whatever they like regardless of gender, and not be made fun of, or questioned, for it.
      Lol yeah I try to stay out of politics on my blog. I don’t know everything, and besides, what good would it do for me to just say angry things? Everyone has a different opinion on the president, that’s fine. I’d rather get mad about unimportant things like whipped cream lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. “I’m going to bang my head against a chip bag…” …. This part made me laugh just because you ended up banging it on the cabinets instead lol

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Myka says:

    AHH. I love rants, especially when they’re relatable and don’t originate on my blog. Because sometimes I feel like all I do is bitch and moan. But it’s my outlet, right? Anyway –
    Favorite burst out loud with laughter: in your facial recognition. ZING. Nailed it.
    Nice quidditch reference.
    I also feel like the world, or I, could use a nap. A break from everyone. But I know I’d be right back to addicted when the break ended. I almost envy my mom because she doesn’t know how to use a cell phone. She also still uses disposable cameras at family functions. Yes, she is adorable.
    The anthem talk has got to go. Let people stand up or sit down for whatever they please. After all, that’s the American right? No? *eye roll*
    Though, I do think some people need stricter twitter editors.
    Hope you feel lighter.
    .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      This comment got buried in my notifications, sorry!
      Haha “in your facial recognition” is my new favourite thing to say. I’ve never actually said it out loud though…
      Your mom is living the life. Phones are such a distraction. I don’t think we truly realize how much time we spend on them.
      America is very strange if you ask me. On one hand, people are all about freedom of speech and protest and living how they want to live. And at the same time, everyone is like “but you can’t do THAT, though”.

      Like

  17. Laura says:

    Bless it. BLESS.
    Thank you for the NFL statement. I live in an area where people seem to have collectively lost their damn minds about this. To say I’m in the minority would be about 14 levels below understatement. Last week I decided the hell with it and answered “so what do you think about what’s going on with the NFL?” with “well, if you’re talking about the players who are protesting, I think they have every right to do it and I can think of a lot less respectful ways to protest than taking a knee during the national anthem, it’s not like they’re turning their back or spitting on the flag.”
    What did I get back? “Oh. Well. That’s a good point.”
    Hope springs eternal.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha. Wait a minute. You’re telling me your logical answer actually convinced someone you, dare I say it, might be right?? Unbelievable.
      I really think people fail to see the big picture in a lot of these instances. They don’t realize the “why”, they’re only concerned with the “what”. No wonder there is such a divide these days.

      Like

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