50 Thoughts XIV

1. In a perfect world, all french fries would be the same length.

2. Every time I open a new pack of tennis balls, I just stand there sniffing them. This sounded less creepy in my head.

3. Last year I predicted that people would proclaim they are as single as a T. Swift jingle, and it would become a big worldwide cliché. It hasn’t happened.

4. I spelled the word “occasion” wrong in a tweet the other day and didn’t notice it for many hours. Subconsciously, I just wanted the letter “s” to feel as important as the letter c. Occassion.

4.5 I think I just gave the letter s a participation trophy.

5. Nap now, procrastinate later.

6. If the air conditioning is on but you still feel hot, take a hairdryer, set it to “cool” and blow yourself with it. Again, that sounded less creepy in my head.

7. #TeamGenius

8. I’m writing this while listening to the 2CELLOS version of With or Without You. It is splendid.

9. Not all superheroes wear capes. Some wear drapes, especially on Halloween.

10. I have so many blog ideas and not enough time to do all of them. Somebody help me.

11. What do you call it when you switch seats at a concert?

11.5 Musical Chairs.

12. With or without youuuuuuu. Sorry. It’s addicting.

13. At least three times a week I find myself Googling the meaning of text abbreviations I see on Twitter. Doing so makes me feel hip with da kidz.

14. Gravy.

15. Every Church should have a newsletter called, “In The Pews”.

16. You know those billboards that list all the names of places within a particular plaza? Well, they should add fake places to the billboard so people actually take time to stare at them.

17. If you don’t sing, “Ba na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye” when you throw out a banana peel, you’re doing life wrong.

18. Donner Pass.

19. There are people in this world with so much to offer, but nowhere to offer it.

20. I’m almost done Season 9 of Friends. The hints at a Ross and Monica incest storyline have been there since Season 1. STOP IT.

21. I can’t stress this enough: I’m amazing at mini-putt.

22. We can’t be friends if you rub the top of your pizza slice against a plate in order to get the sauce off.

23. I still remember the day my flip phone died on me. My first reaction was to call home with it to notify my family. But I couldn’t because it was broken. Useless.

23.5 That being said, it still sits in my closet, wondering why it isn’t “smart” enough for this generation.

24. The first time someone told me my humour was dry, I was offended. I wanted to soak them with water.

24.5 I didn’t understand what dry humour was. I just did it.

25. Apparently the world is supposed to end today when we get hit by Planet X. I only learned about this three days ago. That’s not enough time to schedule my last meal. Next time, I want 7-10 business days.

26. “Hey, what three people would you go to dinner with if you could choose anyone, alive or dead?” It’s time to retire this question, guys. I’ve realized I have no care in the world for anyone’s answer.

27. Out of all the words we could’ve used to describe two people that look alike, we chose “Doppleganger”? There really is no hope in this world, is there?

28. I don’t want to see a close-up of your bare feet on social media.

29. Sometimes I’ll see things on Instagram and immediately start brainstorming ways I can take the same photo of myself, but in a mocking manner.

29.5 Then I have to wait six months to post it so people don’t know I’m mocking them.

30. There are different kinds of conversations that we have with people. Some people are on our wavelength and the back and forth is like a swing in the park. Other conversations are a constant struggle, like getting on a teeter totter when someone else is already on the other side.

31. I always thought that by a certain age, I’d be expected to write everything in cursive. It felt like something adults did.

32. Dogs sniff their butts in public and people think it’s adorable. Meanwhile, humans can’t even look at their own armpit, let alone sniff it, without everyone taking a step back.

32.5 Such a double standard.

33. All Ball Call Doll Fall Gall Hall Loll..ipop Lollipop Loll Loll Loll Lollipop Mall Paul Saul Tall Y’all

34. Life is exactly like professional wresting and I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about it, but complaining about scented hand soaps was a more pressing issue.

35. What were they feeding Big Bird? Tires or hula-hoops?

36. Elmo doesn’t have ears. GUYS, ELMO DOESN’T HAVE EARS.

37. I never understood how my dad could hear a song and pinpoint exactly when it came out. Now I do.

38. Shouldn’t the phrase, “Fork it over” actually be “Spoon it over”? Spoons can hold more and they’re easier to unload.

39. Fruit flies will get’cha.

40. A crocodile coming through the toilet used to be one of my fears.

40.5 Then I flushed the toilet and a flock of bugs appeared out of nowhere and washed down the sides of the toilet with the water.

40.75 It’s been a spooky summer.

41. Spring into Spring. Dumber in the Summer. Fall into Fall. Complain about wet socks in your boots and mall shoppers in Winter.

42. Looking back, the 60 pack of Pencil Crayons was such a money grab. Every kid knew that Poppy Red was the best red; the other three red options were what we offered to other kids when they asked us to share.

43. Every time I want orange juice, I have to remind myself the three day sore throat that follows, isn’t worth it.

44. I do Sudoku puzzles on the hardest difficulty on the internet because I’m a riot at parties.

45. There aren’t enough hours in a day and there aren’t enough characters permitted in tweets on Twitter. I always need about 4 more of each.

46. I either stay up late blogging, watching wrestling videos, researching true crime mysteries, or reading conspiracy theories on Wikipedia. There is no in between.

46.5 Be my friend.

47. On a religion test in high school, I had to explain what “Salt of the earth” meant. Pretty sure I said, “It’s people who add flavour to life.” Am I wrong?

47.5 That was one of those questions where everyone knows the answer, but it’s hard to put into words.

48. I don’t know how to do long division anymore.

49. The pickles at the top of the jar never taste as good as the ones in the middle and at the bottom.

50. One more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, one more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, one more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, one more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, one more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, one more time. Music’s got me feeling so free. We’re gonna celebrate. Celebrate and dance so free, ONE MORE TIME.

Follow me on Twitter @CappyTalks for daily thoughts just like these.

About Paul

I think of my blog as an all-you-can-read buffet. There's something for everyone and complimentary mints at the door as you leave.
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70 Responses to 50 Thoughts XIV

  1. darthtimon says:

    I always enjoy these. They’re little bubbles of inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lynni says:

    This is the best! A weird, but wonderful look into what makes you tick 😂 plus, any mention of Taylor Swift is a winner in my books! 😍

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lynni says:

    Ps. 46 = me so I volunteer as tribute 🙋🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Angela says:

    Elmo doesn’t have ears!!!!!! Does that mean he won’t have Daft Punk stuck in his head right now?!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. #11 collab sometime? #46.5 okay!!🙋🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  6. haha this is great! But can it really be called 50 thoughts, if you have all those little .5’s and even a .75? lol and I always spell occasion with an extra “s”. It just looks more balanced that way. Is there a way to file a petition to get it changed?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Tanushka says:

    I know it sounds really stupid, but I just sat there, for solid 5 minutes, wondering what the heck ‘XIV’ meant, and also why are you so passionate about it. “Shiv, zeeev, zive, ziiv, sheeeeeeev?” I woke up my sister too, but then it finally struck me. I really should sleep now.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jad says:

    Priceless!!
    My favorites….
    22 – Does it count if I pick off the cheese?
    31 – Does anyone even know what cursive is anymore?
    32- I want to know why I can’t scratch my arse without derogatory looks!!
    48 – You are one up on me, I never grasped the concept of long division!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Kara's Kloud says:

    You make some great points! I agree with all 50 of them…expect I don’t know about #1. I kind of like when my french fries have some variety lol. Also, #3 should definitely be a thing! We need to start spreading the word to get that phrase into the world 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. N says:

    I giggled out loud at 9 and 44 (That doesn’t happen often these), so you have already made me laugh/giggle
    and I’m also a riot at parties 😉 and I don’t know how to do long division anymore either
    So 46.5.. I think we were meant to be!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Love your post and oh yes…you will never be of the age to use cursive…the schools no longer teach it…all our old documents and original classic books will not be able to be read by the next generations..and all the lovely writings I did for our future familial generations believing they would love the personal touch of pen to paper? Useless. Universities will then include cursive as part of the dead languages and there will be great and wise professors of the subject.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      That’s a shame. I remember learning it in Grade 3 and then my teacher told my mom that I take my time to write each letter, but she made it sound like it was a bad thing. In grade 7, we were told to take notes using cursive, but that stopped after a few months when they realized we couldn’t write fast enough. I won’t be surprised if schools stop emphasizing the importance of printing and just skip to computers.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Squid says:

    #1-2 YES!! #6 I WANT TO TRY THIS! #9 could be considered an Avengers movie reference, hahaha… #10 = drafts?? #11 😂👌 #22 is me with grease (those greasy pieces are GROSS), but sauce?? Why?!? #30 is so deep and relatable… (#conversationthoughts is a great paradoxical hashtag) #35-36 😮😮😮 #46(.5) *waves frantically to a kindred spirit* #47 Weeelll, I mean, truthfully? Yeah, that’s about right!
    I always look forward to and spend way too much time commenting on these 😬😄

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      6. Try it!
      10. I already have too many drafts and I don’t like starting a post and leaving it.
      22. I’ve seen people wipe their pizza slice with a napkin to get the grease off.
      46.5 Ha frantic wavers are the best

      Liked by 1 person

  13. 15. 28. 45. Yes! YES!! Me too!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. MagLyM says:

    I laughed out loud at 18. Not sure what that says about me.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Myka says:

    8. I already told you, BUT my friend saw 2 Cellos. I should check them out.
    11.5. HAHHA.
    18. GAH!!
!!!!
    21. Is Mini-Putt the Canadian equivalent of Putt Putt Golf? 
30. I hope I’m the former….
    46.5 I hope we are friends. Even though we’ve never met.
    47. I honestly don’t know what “Salt of the Earth” means. BUT there is a country song that apparently says “Salt of the earth, needs heavenly grace.” And I always thought I was singing it wrong. Guess maybe I wasn’t….
    
47.5 Although I did say “Straightened arrow” the other day and my entire family has been mocking me ever since. Straight & narrow…. whatever. So, I wouldn’t be surprised if the song doesn’t say “salt of the earth”
    .XO.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      8. Why don’t I remember this 2 Cellos story….
      21. Yup it’s the same as Putt Putt Golf, though I don’t think we call it that here lol. I go to the glow in the dark mini putt. Great place for birthday parties if you’re btw the age of 6 -12 like I am…
      46.5 We are obviously friends haha
      47. When you describe a person as the salt of the earth, it means they’re good honest person with good qualities.
      47.5 I mess up song lyrics all the time. For the longest time “I’m blue da ba dee da ba die” was “I’m blue if I was green I would die” in my head

      Liked by 1 person

      • Myka says:

        LOL so on the topic of song lyrics being wrong, in the Def Leppard (omg I almost just wrote Death Leopard lololol) song – Pour Some Sugar On Me – I ALWAYS here “Living like a lover with a Red iPhone. I know iPhone’s weren’t even in back then, but listen to it & tell me that isn’t what you hear! (no really, please go listen & tell me).
        Also – I am over joyed we are friends.
        .xo.
        PS. I just Google searched & good thing. I had it written “Deaf Leopard” oh god. *cringing*

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I definitely hear red iPhone lolol you’re not crazy, but this comment was a bit loopy.
        Oh man, first you kill the band and then you make them deaf!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Myka says:

        Bahaha. I did! Goodness. I blame Monday….. if that’s a thing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Look up the song “The Stroke” by Billy Squier. At the part where he sings “stroke me, stroke me” in the chorus, I always thought he was saying “something’s cooking”.

        Like

  16. Oh boy I’m gonna have a field day with this one lmao!

    1.) I don’t care what length they are. No matter what I’ll stuff like 2 or 3 in my face. (That was not supposed to be dirty but you do this a lot so I forgive myself😄)

    4.5) How dare you?? “S” is an important letter and Shaz would know. We deserve more than a participation award!

    20.) I am looking for a show where I could laugh out loud. Do you think I should watch Friends??

    21) Mini putt? That’s Mini golf right?? I’m good too! I was on the golf team in high school 🙂

    36.) Ah!!!!!

    43.) Me with gluten

    46.) Am I not your friend?

    47.) You are awesome😂😂

    50.) Ahahahaha! Thank you for making my week!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      1. Haha I do the same thing. It just bothers me when I get to the bottom of a serving of fries and they’re all small and deformed. I’d like my fries to be consistent the whole way through lol

      20. You should watch Friends! I didn’t think I’d like it at all but I do. Each character reminds me of people I know.

      21. Mini putt is the same thing.

      43. I don’t think I’m officially allergic to orange juice or anything. It just scratches my throat…

      46. You are my friend!

      50. You’re welcome!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Quinn says:

    God damn. I only made it to number one and now I’m so hungry I have to go find food before I continue reading this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ely says:

    3- #TEAMGENIUS. What a let-down! tsssk tsssk society!
    5-Same difference! #PROcrastinators
    6-GASP! lol!
    7-YASSSSSS (I know that’s your FAVE comment!)
    10- Well don’t look at me! But when you find that help, send em’ this way. Ugh.
    11-11.5-#TEAMGENIUS
    15- I don’t get it.
    17- NOW it all makes sense
    22- what about if I just gently pat the top with a napkin to remove the excess grease?!?! Friends? Or nah?!
    24- #TEAMGENIUS
    25- did it end? Is this is the afterlife? Shit.
    33-
    44-YOU ARE WILD!
    46.5- well ok…
    47-AMEN!!!
    50-

    This is super fun because now you have to go back and see what each number was to begin with HAHAHAHAHAH

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh my God my least favourite thing about doing this post is trying to figure out what everyone is talking about hahahaI’mCryingInsidehahahaha

      3. For a second there you made me think I put #TeamGenius at #3 and you were mad at me for not putting it in all caps and then blamed society for it LOL. Then I realized you were talking about T Swizzle.
      7. What is the “No” equivalent of YAAAS? NOOOOOSE?
      15. A “Pew” is the thing pew sit on at church. Pews rhymes with news. In The News….In The Pews. IT’S A PUN.
      17. ALL THIS TIME LATER?
      22. You can remove the grease and remain my friend.
      33. You’re speechless??
      44. I know.
      50. Speechless again??

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ely says:

        I’m dying. Lmfao!!! And yes the blanks were because those left me searching for the words lol 😂 I feel bad for you whenever detailed ones leave comments like these but in my defense I have 3 stick it notes full of notes I had to take while I was reading to keep track of my thoughts about your thoughts so we are EVEN STEVEN. One in the same, Germaine. That is all PAUL. To the windowwww to the walllll. Ok bye. 🤦🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        LOLOLOL I appreciate the above and beyond effort you put in to the comments. And honestly, I’d comment the same way on any list posts.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ely says:

        Well the effort is effortless for writers and friends like you! Also. I failed the challenge. I’m still finishing up a rant LOL awful.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        Haha I forgot about the challenge. Wait. Maybe I forgot about it because the world did end and this IS the afterlife.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ely says:

        Oh my GOODNESS. Now you’re making
        Me think too much!

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Ely says:

    The effort is effortless? Did I say that? I don’t even know who taught me English anymore. But you know what I meant for sure because #teamgenius

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Lol! Number 48 is me too and sadly with multiplication! Worst part I am around numbers all day long. One day I felt so small because I couldnt for the life of me remember what 9×3 was, I was stopped in my tracks, completely embarrassed, as I stood counting on my fingers. Not cool. Then I was still unsure so I had to use a calculator.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Dutch Lion says:

    You are too funny man…….”In the Pews”…….LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Laura says:

    #31, oh yes! The code of conduct books come home at the beginning of the year and the kids have to “sign” them. They’re all “but I can’t write in cursive” ’cause, you know, no one teaches it, and I’m all “LOOK AT MY SIGNATURE, DOES THAT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE ‘REAL’ CURSIVE? Just sign your name!!” I did like it that when they were younger I could leave notes around written in cursive & they couldn’t read them, though…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha I remember signing forms too at the beginning of the year. All kids need to be able to do is a unique signature. My mom used to leave notes around the house in cursive too! Took me a few seconds longer to translate it.

      Like

  23. Little Rants says:

    I’m putting #5 on a t shirt.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. live3one says:

    An alligator coming up through the shower drain was a genuine fear of mine as a kid. Where does this fear of reptiles coming up drains come from??

    Liked by 1 person

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