It has come to my attention that in the four years I’ve had this blog, I’ve never actually posted a “captain’s speech”. I’m talking about a speech a captain would give to their team before a game.
Sorry to burst your raft if you thought “Captain” referred to ships. Yes, I’m talking directly to you, Ely. I know you had a buffet of nautical puns ready to go.
As you may be aware, when I was in university, I played intramurals. I was the captain of my team and would bring everyone together in a huddle before the game to give a speech. The speeches were often light and humorous, but with a purpose.
I’d prepare them days in advance. Forget homework, I have a speech to memorize!
One time, I was at dinner with a group of friends who had a co-ed water polo game right after. I wasn’t on the team because it was a sport played in a pool, and I’m not really a fan of pools.
Anyways, they requested a speech, so all dinner I’m sitting there putting one together in my head.
Before they went to get changed, we huddled up in the middle of a hallway (like a bunch of annoying high schoolers would) and I gave them the best 45-second speech I could think of while eating chicken fingers and fries.
Apparently, one of the girls recorded it and played it in the girl’s change room. I still don’t know if that’s cool or creepy. Maybe both?
So I don’t mean to brag, but I’m really good at writing these motivational/funny/heartfelt speeches. Therefore, I’m going to write one right now and give you a taste of the kind of speech I would give.
Note: This speech will be longer than anything I ever did at school, just because there isn’t a time limit here.
Alright, take a deep breath. Do you smell that? That’s the smell of soap and deodorant and…Cornflakes cereal? I don’t want to smell that at the end of the game. I want to smell your sweat and I want the other team to smell it too.
This is the big leagues! It doesn’t get much bigger than Sunday morning intramurals. We are a team. That means I am not playing for myself. I am playing for each and every one of you.
If someone is down, you need to pick them up like it’s Thursday night at the club. Reach out your hand and say, “Hey, there is no us without ‘u’.” That is what a teammate does. That is what we do.
We are not here to make friends with the other team. This is not Facebook. There are no friend requests. There are no embarrassing pictures from seven years ago that you forgot about. And there sure as hell aren’t any requests to play Farmville or Candy Crush.
If I’m being honest, I’m not ready for this to be our last game. I’m not ready for this to be our last huddle, sponsored by flowers and spice and everything nice. I’m not ready for lunch yet; I just ate breakfast. I’m not ready for this to be over. So we might as well win and keep going.
It’s a game of inches out there and the other team forgot to bring their rulers. So I say we set the bar and see if they can measure up.
This is our time. This is our game. This is our moment. Let’s take it.
I wouldn’t want to go into battle with anyone else. Let’s go, hands in.
Titans on 4.
And that is how a captain gives a speech.