1. I started watching Friends a week ago and realized I know a lot of people who are caricatures of one of the main six characters.
2. I am Chandler.
3. Ross and Monica kiss each other too much to be brother and sister. It’s a weird relationship they have going on.
4. I was fully expecting to hate Friends, but I don’t. I’m already on Season 2.
5. Remember when movie titles used to be, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe or Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets?
5.25 Now we get Cars 3.
5.5 Yes, I realize those longer titled movies were books first, but still. Where hath thou creativity gone, oh Hollywood?
6. Bohemian Rhapsody is overrated.
7. I’ve been on a lasagna binge ever since the Christmas holidays. I regret nothing.
8. I finally found a brand of sauerkraut that isn’t extremely sour and I’m addicted to it. Mix some sausage in there and I’ll have enough drool to fill up a mixing bowl.
9. The Junior Chicken from McDonald’s should be a national treasure.
10. The word “Baseball” is comprised of two pieces of equipment.
10.5 It would be like referring to hockey as “Netpuck”.
11. I cannot stand the word “bud”. My mom called me “bud” once, many years ago. I told her to never call me that again.
11.5 “Hey bud” drives me up the wall.
12. I deactivated my Facebook account 13 days ago. It was just time.
13. Are there people who actually watch political news networks all day? If not, we should tell the analysts on TV they can go home. We don’t need 76 of them all in tiny rectangles on the screen.
14. It amazes me that Apple hasn’t come out with a Macrowave yet.
15. How the hell are we supposed to explain The Teletubbies to the next generation?
16. Birthdays should be optional. Like, “No, I don’t want to get a year older this year, I’ll defer it until next year.”
17. I don’t watch Game of Thrones and telling me “you should” isn’t going to convince me.
18. I said before the season started that the Toronto Blue Jays have a stale roster and probably wouldn’t have a good season. It’s July 19th and the rest of the fan base is just starting to realize this.
18.25 This is what happens when you have a bunch of fans who have only been following the team for two years. Oh well, they’re learning now.
18.5 Oh, and management still thinks the team is a contender this year AND NEXT!
18.75 God help me.
19. Being a sports fan is taking years off my life.
20. Back in first year university, we had a fire alarm go off in the middle of the night and someone was playing Don’t Stop Believing in the parking lot. One guy then said to me, “What song is that? God Save The Queen?”
20.5 It’s been 8 years. I’m still laughing.
21. TV Shows these days are all about high school kids, violence, crime, or Steve Harvey.
22. Game shows are dead, by the way.
23. I have an idea: What if when a celebrity (or President) tweets something, no one retweets, likes, or replies to it?
24. People got so mad in 2011 when BBM wasn’t working for three hours. Holy cannoli, it was Y2K all over again.
25. I had relish the other day for the first time in about three years. We’re in an “on again off again” relationship. Currently “off again”.
26. I was reading a book yesterday (hold for laughs) and came across the line, “Home is the place where the hole is filled.” Good line, eh?
27. I’m at the age where I’m starting to complain that burgers from fast food restaurants aren’t as big as they used to be.
28. I think I’ve only had potato chips once in the last three months.
29. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched a commercial and thought, “I love this commercial!”
30. Do kids still play Connect Four?
31. Just so you all know, the reindeer at the North Pole still aren’t letting poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games (Monopoly).
31.5 We are all bystanders.
32. Is a water bottle still a water bottle if there is no water in it?
33. “Tomorrow, I’m going to be five years old. Ooooo magic carpet!” – One of my campers, circa 2010
33.5 He saw a rolled up carpet in the corner and ran to it.
34. I haven’t seen or heard an ice cream truck this summer. Probably because no one plays outside anymore.
35. Call me an old man, but I don’t understand the hype behind face filters on Instagram.
36. The finale of Pretty Little Liars was dumb.
36.5 Oh what? Who said that? Not me. Nope. Thought you caught me on number 36, wasn’t me. I don’t watch that show. N’est pas de watch. Nope.
37. Je suis une bibliothèque.
37.5 Translation: I am a library.
38. Does anyone else listen to the same song on repeat about 274 times and then never want to listen to it again? I do. This might explain why I’m always trying to find a new song to listen to every five days.
39. I don’t drink coffee.
Coffee drinks me.
40. I think each day needs to be 26 hours. Those two extra hours could be used for napping/waiting for a pizza to be delivered.
41. I don’t like comedians who swear in their standup routines. If the joke isn’t funny without cursing, then you’re not trying hard enough.
42. Are we supposed to use hashtags forever?
43. Fidget spinners are hula hoops for your fingers, right?
44. Anyone who has ever been camping once, has at least two horror stories from their experience.
45. I fear that 20 years from now we’re all going to be diagnosed with some sort of new disease and the cause will be “too much exposure to technology”. It’s coming.
46. It’s 2017 and the WWE just ran an “illegitimate son” storyline this past Monday. I don’t know what this company is doing. They’ve been recycling storylines since forever.
47. If you’re not American, the WWE will put you in a storyline where you’re the bad guy and make you carry your country flag to the ring and have the fans boo you and chant “USA” at you because you weren’t born there.
47.5 Again, it’s 2017. Come up with a new way to generate heat.
48. Moment of silence for all the dictionaries out there that will never be opened ever again.
49. I have no idea what that Justin Bieber song is called. Desperado? Double Dutch? Doubtfire? But apparently it’s overplayed. I haven’t heard it once.
50. If you hold a frozen bagel up to a lightbulb, the thawing process is accelerated. Trust me. I’m a professional.
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