We are back with another lip smacking edition of The Bachelorette. I’m watching with my friend Meghan, who will also be providing commentary!
~ They are in Geneva, Switzerland this week because what better place to fall in love than somewhere far away from home, where you can’t run into people you know?
~ These guys are always dressed in black and grey and striped shirts.
~ Rachel meets up with the guys and tells them there won’t be a Rose Ceremony at the end of the week, which means Chris Harrison may not even appear in this episode.
~ But how will we know if his sleeves are rolled up or not?
~ There will be three one-on-one dates, and a three-on-one date. This is too much.
~ The first date goes to Bryopractor. She tells him to go get ready and instead of saying, “I don’t get ready, I stay ready” he goes to put on a suit. Missed opportunity.
~ Bryan and Rachel hop in an expensive car.
~ “I’m blessed.” Drink!
~ Switzerland is known for cheese and watches, says Rachel, so they go to a watch store.
~ This would be a great way to send someone home, if Rachel wanted to. “Our time is up.”
~ These two haven’t stopped kissing each other. What show is this?
~ Back at the hotel, two random contestants are talking on a porch. I’ll call them Porch Pals.
~ They are overdressed, sitting in a park(?), day drinking. Oh right, this is The Bachelorette.
~ Both of them can’t wait for the rest of the date, so they can
actually talk to each other kiss each other more.
~ The next date card arrives. It’s for Mean Dean. She wants him to put on his Sunday best. What if it’s not Sunday?
~ “He’s such a catch.” Bryan is a fish.
~ Brachel are at dinner now and are in an empty music hall? There are candles everywhere. A fire could break out any minute.
~ Bryan tells Rachel that his ex-girlfriend didn’t like his mom. This means Rachel will be extra kind on hometown dates, right?
~ Why must they make out soooooo much? – Meghan
~ This date is 80% kissing.
~ Bryan got a rose.
~ Time for Dean’s date. Meghan would apply for the show if he is the Bachelor.
~ They are going to church. Dean is excited. Of course he is.
~ Rachel and Dean come across a couple that have been married for 40 years. These “chance encounters” with old couples are so staged.
~ Does Switzerland have a formal dress code I don’t know about?
~ “I want to challenge our relationship.” Drink!
~ Rachel’s favourite days are real chill. As opposed to fake chill.
~ Dean says his family is not normal.
~ Now Eric and Peter are on the porch for another edition of Porch Pals!
~ Dean asked her what her favourite dinosaur is. She didn’t answer. RED FLAG!
~ She doesn’t like when he jokes around too much, yet this is her favourite kind of day – real chill. MIXED SIGNALS!
~ Peter gets the next one-on-one date and the other three see the writing on the wall. It says, “You ain’t the one.”
~ “I love spending time with Dean, but….” – Rachel
~ Dean tells her that today was weird and laughs. Rachel tells him to knock it off.
~ Dean: “I really really like you.” I think Carly Rae Jepsen said it better, sir.
~ “My family is not the family you’re going to want to see.” – Dean
~ “Ugh he’s like a puppy.” – Meghan
~ Rachel says she would love to meet his family. I don’t think this ends well.
~ She gives him a rose.
~ Triumphant music plays as they kiss by the water. Any second now the director will yell “Cut!”
~ Meghan just tweeted Dean a picture of her dog and Dean liked it immediately!
~ “Yooooo. It’s on.” – Meghan
~ I smell a puppy love connection.
~ Back to the other show going on right now. Peter and Rachel are in a helicopter. Peter is excited. Of course he is.
~ They are going dogsledding! Man, Dean missed out on this one didn’t he Meghan?
~ Back with episode 3 of Porch Pals with Eric and Bryan. Eric is officially a recurring guest on this show. Not good.
~ Peter tells her he’s thought about leaving. What a smart fellow. He realizes how ridiculous this whole thing is.
~ Rachel: “There’s still a lot we haven’t talked about.” No kidding.
~ I’m now suggesting pick-up lines for Meghan to tweet to Dean.
~ “Hey Dean, I live in the DMV and I wanna DM U.”
~ For context, Dean’s initials are DMU. Brilliant, eh?
~ Meghan is dying of laughter. Success!
~ Through all this hilarity, Peter and Rachel are at dinner where…all together now…We. Don’t. Get. To. See. Them. Eat. Any. Food.
~ Peter says he won’t propose unless he’s 100% sure. This scares Rachel because this show relies on a proposal at the end.
~ Eric, Matt, and Adam get their date card. Meghan and I don’t think any of them have a shot with Rachel.
~ Normal Person Peter gets a rose.
~ “Do I care about these last three guys?” – Meghan
~ Meghan wants Who’s Clues member, Adam, to get a rose.
~ They’re hopping on a boat to go to France.
~ Remember last episode where she took that guy to Sweden just to dump him? The same thing is going to happen here, isn’t it?
~ Au revoir.
~ Eric is a close talker.
~ Matt goes on a long speech about how he’s been patient.
~ Rachel starts crying and tells him other relationships are further along than theirs. Obviously.
~ Byeeeeee Matt. Now get rid of Eric pleaseeeeeeee. – Meghan
~ Rachel: “It wasn’t right for me to bring him along.”
~ You took him to another country to dump him, what do you mean you didn’t want to “bring him along.” He’s already been brought!
~ She knew before this date that Matt was going home, yet still brought him to France.
~ Adam asks Rachel if she sees herself falling in love with him. She says yes. This will be interesting if/when he goes home in 7 minutes.
~ “When I’m with you, I don’t even feel like Eric is here.” Good one, Adam, good one.
~ Adam gives his plea to stay.
~ Now Eric is talking to Rachel and he is in a suit.
~ Does France also have a dress code?
~ I know it’s a date and they’re on a TV show, but they’re all dressed too professionally.
~ Eric tells Rachel he has never brought a girl home.
~ Whoever gets the rose tonight will get sent home next week, that’s my prediction. Has Adam even been on a one-on-one yet?
~ The rose goes to Eric!
~ Now over to Meghan for her reaction….
~ Hometown dates are next week.
~ Meghan is predicting that Peter will win based on the previews.
That’s all. Thanks for reading and thanks to Meghan for watching with me! See ya next week, I guess.