Less than 24 hours later, we’re back with another “Is it over yet?” edition of The Bachelorette. Don’t worry, my viewing notes are spectacular.
~ We pick up with the 2-on-1 date in the middle of nowhere, as Rachel has to decide between Lee and Kenny. My head already hurts.
~ Kenny is cutting a wrestling promo on Lee right now, full of swear words. Think of the children, Kenny.
~ Rachel returns and I’m hoping she sends both of them home.
~ She’s sending Lee home, but wants to spend more time with Kenny before giving him a rose.
~ Kenny can’t get in the helicopter with Rachel without going back to say “bye” to Lee. What a clown. Drop it, man.
~ Rachel: “This is so stupid.” Finally she realizes this, I’ve been saying it for weeks.
~ “I feel like I have a very long fuse.” – Kenny, after throwing a temper tantrum.
~ She gives Kenny a rose.
~ Time for a rose ceremony where Rachel says if you don’t get a rose tonight, it’s because she doesn’t see them as her husband.
~ Mean Dean gets a rose.
~ Eric the Punching Bag gets a rose.
~ Normal Person Peter gets a rose.
~ Josiah: “If she doesn’t give me a rose, there’s something wrong with her brain.”
~ Are my ears working? Did Josiah just say that? He does know this is a TV show that people can watch, right?
~ Who’s Clues member, Alex, gets a rose.
~ Who’s Clues member, Adam, also gets a rose.
~ The final rose goes to Who’s Clues member, Matt. No coincidence that they were all in order.
~ Josiah and Anthony the Guidance Counsellor are going home.
~ “Nobody in this house thought I was going home.” – Josiah
~ “Everybody watching at home knew you were going home.” – Me
~ Josiah is now insulting every member of Who’s Clues in his exit interview. How dare he go after this new faction!? I’m insulted.
~ They are off to Denmark now because why not?
~ The Amazing Bachelorette Race.
~ “It’s the perfect place for a storybook romance”.
~ OH, now you follow the script, Rachel. You could’ve said this last night about Norway and made me look like a genius for predicting it, but nooo.
~ Kenny is still talking about Lee.
~ Eric gets the 1-on-1 date. Kenny is disappointed it’s not him because he wastes all his time with her talking about Lee.
~ Eric and Rachel are in a boat. Please don’t let there be another impromptu dance-off like the last time they were on a boat.
~ Rachel turns into a tour guide and starts listing off facts someone probably told her 10 minutes ago.
~ Rachel wants four kids. Eric wants 10. They’ll settle on 7.
~ Now Eric and Rachel sit down at a table for champagne and an older gentlemen joins them and asks how long they’ve been married.
~ Is this now a 2-on-1 date? Who is this man?
~ I’ll bet you six stickers and an a handful of buttons that a producer forced this man to ask that question.
~ They go from wearing winter jackets to hopping in a hot tub on a dock, to drink more champagne.
~ The old man did not join them in the hot tub.
~ Rachel and Eric stop at an amusement park before dinner, where they won’t eat.
~ OH MY GOD BUMPER CARS.
~ I love bumper cars.
~ Eric: “You bring the kid out of me.”
I don’t think that’s how it works.
~ They are at dinner and have huge burgers on their plates. Oh my dog there are fries! Dig in! Do it! Eat! Please!
~ Eric gets a rose and they still haven’t touched their burgers or fries.
~ Now they are on a rollercoaster. Good thing they didn’t eat their dinners, or they’d be puking on each other.
~ Group date time. Everyone is there except for Eric and Will. They are going on a Viking ship.
~ It looks like a pirate ship toy I played with in Grade 2.
~ They get off the ship and there are two guys fighting with swords. This is very Medieval Times.
~ Oh, they have names. Tom and Morton! I like this duo. They seem like the modern day Abbott and Costello.
~ Kenny thinks he’s going to be on the cover of Viking Magazine. Oh dear.
~ The guys have to push each other out of a circle. This is bringing back memories of Grade 9 gym class when we played King of The Ring for an hour instead of learning wrestling moves.
~ Rachel needs her future husband to be good at Viking games.
~ No word on if they will have to be good at reindeer games, however.
~ Tom and Morton select Kenny and Adam to fight for time with Rachel because Kenny is a wrestler.
~ Kenny and Adam are both bleeding from their eyebrows after they got hit by each other’s shield. In the previews, they made it seem like there was a real fight, but if you’ve been watching this show for as long as I have, you would know that wouldn’t be the case.
~ Bryan and Rachel start talking and Rachel tells him she’s a pessimist. Well, that’s just great. She goes on a show to find a husband, but is a pessimist.
~ Kenny doesn’t know if he’s 100% sure that he is ready for Rachel to meet his family, if he gets that far.
~ Kenny keeps trying to get ahead of himself instead of just letting his relationship with Rachel be in the moment.
~ I just went full blown Dr. Paul in that last note.
~ “When I blinked one day, I realized we are a couple of weeks away from hometowns.” – Kenny
~ When I blinked on day, it’s because I felt an eyelash going in my eye. I hate when that happens.
~ Rachel is sending Kenny home to be with his daughter.
~ The group date rose goes to Normal Person Peter.
~ Will and Rachel are going to Sweden for their date.
~ “The architecture is very romantic.” Drink!
~ “I’ve never had a date like today.” I’m shocked.
~ They are at a coffee shop and an old couple joins them. I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere before.
~ Oh yeah! I have. Eric’s date.
~ Rachel says something is missing between them. She wants more from him than just holding his hand.
~ I’m starting to think she brought him to a different country so she can leave him there.
~ Rachel just asked him what he looks for in a girl, and he replied with, “I typically date white girls.”
~ She’s definitely leaving him in Sweden.
~ Will tells her his relationships have never lacked physical intimacy and she wonders why she doesn’t get anything more than his hand in hers.
~ She picks up the rose and here comes her, “I’m leaving your butt in Sweden” speech.
~ “I think you are so great, and so amazing.”
~ Those nine words are a death sentence. As soon as someone starts putting the word “so” in front of adjectives – and does it twice in the same sentence – you know something bad is about to happen.
~ No rose for Will. She brought him to a different country to break up with him – confirmed.
~ This is five minutes after Will retroactively added Sweden to his bucket list, just so he could cross it off. I bet he never wants to hear about Sweden ever again.
~ There are 7 guys left and 3 of them are members of Who’s Clues. I never thought they’d be more dominant than the Bow Tie Bros and Law Law Land.
~ If you’re new to my blog and don’t know what I just referenced, read the previous viewing notes for this show.
~ Rose Ceremony time. Rachel starts crying and leaves the room.
~ Bryropractor gets a rose.
~ Matt from Who’s Clues gets a rose. Two roses left.
~ Mean Dean gets a rose. I’m typing this before it happens so it better happen.
~ It happened.
~ Chris Harrison appears with his sleeves rolled down to tell Rachel it’s the final rose of the night. This is the most pointless thing anyone ever does on TV and he’s been doing it for 15 years.
~ We can count, Chris.
~ Adam gets the final rose, which means Alex is going home and the Who’s Clues Clan drops to two members.
~ Wow, we are down to the final 6. I think Peter, Eric, and Bryan are the front-runners and everyone else…well, isn’t.
~ Oh, maybe Mean Dean has a chance, but he looks more like next season’s Bachelor instead of this season’s “Winner”.
~ Rachel is emotional over this decision, but as a viewer, I don’t really get it because I barely saw her and Alex talk. Thanks, editing.
~ A preview for next week shows them going on another boat ride. Why not just have the whole season on the water, or a backyard pool?
That’s all. See you next Monday.
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