Viewing Notes: The Bachelorette Ep. 4

We are back after a one week hiatus due to the NBA Finals. Oh how I wish the hiatus was longer. Let the pettiness continue.

~ Lee has his hair looking extra avalanche-y tonight, so you know things are going to happen in a flurry.

~ If you missed it, there was a well-worded joke in that first note.

~ Eric is defending himself as the guys argue about who knows what.

~ Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King is talking to Rachel as Lee stands over them like a child who’s waiting for an adult to open their juice box.

~ One guy doesn’t know what the word “quirks” means.

~ Mean Dean implies to the camera that Lee is racist. A bunch of articles on the internet will agree with him. Lee’s life is ruined.

Rachel is talking to a guy I have never seen before, while Lee and Kenny argue about something that I still don’t know.

~ PBP Kenny K. is about to put him in an ankle lock.

If you watch this show and still think it’s about falling in love, you’re wrong. Sorry.

We’re at the second commercial break and I’m still confused by what’s going on, but no one is in a good mood. Maybe I’ve been zoning out.

~ Well what do you know, in walks Chris Harrison to join the fellas.

~ Official Chris Harrison Sleeve Update: Rolled Down.

~ Christopher says the weight and gravity of these decisions are starting to weigh on Rachel.

Yeah, she’s trying to figure out a way to send 13 of them home at once.

~ Will The Thrill gets a rose.

~ Mean Dean gets a rose.

~ “We’re here for one reason, and that is to find a life partner in Rachel.” – Adam

~ Oh, Adam. What a stupid thing to say. What I find ridiculous is every year they bring in 30 “contestants” and all of them think the bachelor/bachelorette is their soulmate. Rarely, if ever, do they self-evict because they don’t see a future. They all see a future. That’s ridiculous and unlikely.

~ The last member of The Odd Toddlers, Tickle Monster, gets a rose.

~ Normal Person Peter, gets a rose.

~ Mr. Right Reasons (Adam) gets a rose.

~ Bryan The Chiropractor and Matt get roses.

~ Bow Tie Bro and Law Law Land member, Josiah, gets a rose.

~ Radio Show Host Iggy gets a rose.

~ Kenny gets a rose.

Lee gets the final rose, BECAUSE THIS SHOW ISN’T ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE.

~ Controversy creates cash, kids.

~ Bow Tie Bro and Radio Show Host, Diggy, goes home tonight. He’s been booted off the 104.7 The Blurrr morning show.

~ They are headed to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

~ It’s episode 4 and Jack is still saying he can’t wait to get to know her more. If you’re still saying that after the third episode, just go home.

Mean Dean gets the first one-on-one date.

~ Oh fun, they’re having a picnic.

~ “Hey Boo-Boo nothing like a pic-a-nic basket.” – Yogi Bear

~ This is an adult picnic. They’re sitting on the hood of a jeep with champagne.

~ Here comes a blimp to pick them up. Mean Dean is afraid of heights and is already speculating that this blimp might crash with him in it.

Dean is about to soil himself, so Rachel puts his mind at ease by sitting in the driver’s seat of the blimp.

~ Dean: “I wouldn’t wanna be up here with anyone else.” Well, you don’t really have a choice.

~ Now the blimp flies by the place the guys are staying and they instantly feel insecure and feel the need to say the 7-year age gap between Dean and Rachel will be their downfall.

~ Eh, probably.

~ Back at the house, again – the guys get the group date card and Josiah calls Lee a snake, but not to his face.

~ Dean and Rachel are now having dinner (which means we will never actually see them put a piece of food in their mouth) in the middle of nowhere and Rachel expresses concerns to the camera that Dean is young. Here we go.

~ Dean opens up about his mother, who passed away from breast cancer when he was a kid.

~ He gets a rose and then they walk down the street to join a concert by a guy named Russell Dickerson. They stand on a podium and dance while everyone in the audience films them with their phone.

~ #InvasionOfPrivacy

Group date time. All the drama makers are on this date. This should go south in about 3 minutes.

They’re going on a boat.

~ Throw someone over. Throw someone over. Throw someone over. Throw someone over.

~ These guys are having an impromptu dance circle, so Rachel can see what she won’t be missing out on when she doesn’t marry any of them.

Now we are having a push-up contest. God, I hate push-ups.

~ I’ve never seen someone voluntarily do push-ups without looking cocky, egotistical, self-centred, and full of themselves. Yes, those all means the same thing.

I can do jumping jacks but you don’t see me doing them. I don’t need to show off.

~ Now Kenny is rapping.

Oh no, now Normal Person Peter is rapping.

Dancing, push-ups, and rapping. What a boat ride.

~ I’m jumping in on this rap battle. These guys are about to be surfed. Or served. Whatever.

Yo yo, I’m sittin’ on my couch watchin’ The Bachelorette, this date makes me feel mal a la tete. Mal a la tete, their feet are wet, a rose they will not get, oh where is Chris Harrison, mal a la tete.

~ Bam.

~ By the way, “Mal a la tete” means “Headache” in french. It’s missing some accents but trust me.

~ They get off the boat and Rachel has a surprise for them.

~ BA GAWD, IT’S A SPELLING BEE AHAHAHAHAHAHA THESE GUYS DON’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL.

~ Eric: “I thought it would be like a wet t-shirt, maybe a dancing contest.”

~ Oh I forgot, Christoph D. Harrison is there.

Official C.H. Sleeve Update: Rolled up!

~ These guys are nervous because none of them can spell.

~ The first word is “Squirt”. Adam spells it correctly.

~ The second word is “Passion”. Alex spells it correctly.

Tickle Monster spells “Caress” correctly, of course.

Kenny must spell “Champagne”. No chance.

He got it wrong. Told you. He swapped the g and the n.

~ Iggy must spell “Boudoir”. He spells “Bourdeaux” for some reason.

Eric must spell “Facade” but spells “Physde” instead. Hahahahaha this is painful.

~ Josiah spells “Stunning” and then Anthony must spell “Boutonniere.”

~ This is rigged, you see, because if Josiah wins, more drama will be caused.

~ Oh look, Josiah wins.

He didn’t spell any words that an eighth grader couldn’t spell, but is bragging about having “brains”. Slow down.

~ “I’m not Rachel the Bachelorette, I’m not Rachel the lawyer all day.” Oh, then this show has done a poor job of showing us otherwise, so far.

~ I’m getting bored. She’s talking to each of the guys on the group date.

~ Josiah is drinking from his spelling bee trophy and spilled some on his crotch.

~ Iggy is with Rachel and uses his time to get to know her to tell her that he doesn’t like Josiah.

~ Hey Iggy, don’t be surprised when she sends you home because she doesn’t know who you are.

Great, now Iggy goes back and tells Josiah he was just talking to Rachel about him.

~ That’s it, I’m cancelling the morning show on 104.7 The Blurrr. I’ve had enough of this.

~ “Iggy is like a gossip queen.” – Eric

We still have a one-on-one date with Jack The Attorney to get to. I doubt we will. This show would rather let us watch grown men complain about each other.

~ Now Lee is talking to Rachel and is rehashing the drama from the last Rose Ceremony.

~ UGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

~ Send them all home Rachel. Take Normal Person Peter and Mean Dean to the Final 2 and send everyone else home right now.

~ “He could take the fake WWE wrestling somewhere else.” – Lee, talking about Kenny.

~ For starters, he’s not in WWE, bro. He’s in Ring of Honor. And if you think wrestling is fake, get in a ring with a wrestler and let them handle you. Then tell me how fake it is.

~ Now Rachel confronts Kenny about his beef with Lee. This is playground gossip.

~ Dear future contestants, you’re not going to “win” if you get caught up in drama with the other people in the house. Just so you know.

~ Lee is drunk, I think.

~ Kenny says his handshake matches his smile. Okay.

~ Kenny goes in to grab Lee so they can have a talk. Great. More useless banter.

~ The episode is over! Oh no, this show is on twice next week and Lee and Kenny go on a 2-on-1 date.

~ I don’t know if I could do these viewing notes much longer. This might be the last time. This show has no point.

Twitter: @CappyTalks

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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4 Responses to Viewing Notes: The Bachelorette Ep. 4

  1. Dying laughing! You are freaking hilarious. We always used the sleeve update with our weatherman during hurricanes. “Oh shit, his tie is loose and he’s rolling up his sleeves. We’re going to need to put up the shutters.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Paul, you have to carry on to prove you’re in this for the right reasons, and so I have a reason to justify watching my trash TV. I’m balancing it with reading your blog so it’s okay.

    Liked by 1 person

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