The 2017 Toronto Blue Jays

I hate Spring Training. It is the worst part about baseball. It’s a month long tease that the media tries to make us care about, even though they hate it just as much as the fans.

What makes me laugh (not really), is when the season ends in November, some smarty pants will immediately start with the, “Only __ days until pitchers and catchers report (for Spring Training).”

Yay! Hooray! The season just ended but a new one is right around the corner. Woohoo, we’re getting excited for Spring Training, even though we hate it when it arrives!

Hypocrites. All of them.

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest.

Anyway, I probably should’ve written this post before the baseball season started, but I’ve been looking for weight for the last two weeks and this post didn’t get written.

The Blue Jays have started the season 0-2. Okay.

I know for a fact that there are already fans panicking. And in the past, that really bothered me. I’d come on here and give a million about three reasons why it’s too early to panic. But I’m not going to do that. What’s the point?

You can’t rationalize with the irrational. You just can’t.

I’m a bit bitter about how the whole off-season played out. Edwin Encarnacion wasn’t brought back because his agent completely mis-read the market and the Blue Jays sought to find his replacements as fast as they could.

In hindsight, if both sides were honest with each other and Edwin’s agent wasn’t a fool, then he’d probably still be a Blue Jay and I wouldn’t be filling my bowl of Corn Flakes cereal with tears, instead of milk.

It’s okay, I got Edwin on my fantasy team, so it’s as if he never left.

I’m not sold on his replacements. Steve Pearce is alright, I guess. Kendrys Morales is also alright, I guess.

I don’t know. They don’t excite me. It’s like trying to replace a slice of pizza with a block of cheese and three pepperoni bits that you found at the back of the fridge. It’s just not the same.

If you’re looking for me to start talking about stats or analytics, you’ve come to the wrong place. I don’t do that.

Whenever a team brings in new players, the first thing fans do is rush to the internet to look up their stats. You know how I know this? Because I’ve been doing it for the last 40 years. Therefore, everyone else must do it too.

And in doing that, we evaluate a player based on what they’ve done before. We take their stats from last year, or three years ago, and plug them in to our current team and are either satisfied with what we think will happen, or we aren’t.

In a way, it’s unfair. But I recently figured out that Bingo is a game of luck and not skill, so what in this world is really fair anymore?

I’ve been following sports long enough to know that stats don’t always tell the truth. For me, there has to be a certain feel around a team. A certain aura. A certain odour emanating from the locker room, if you will.

I can’t really explain it.

When I look at the Blue Jays current roster, my first impression is that the team is stale. Is there talent on the team? Absolutely. I just find the roster to be stale.

Alright, the bullpen is completely different. We have a new backup catcher. And two new guys to replace one guy. Fine. There are new players. But it doesn’t feel new. It feels old. It feels…(all together now)…stale.

It feels like my pan is getting buttered, but I’m not going in the oven.

I don’t know what that last sentence means.

It just feels off.

And I know I have no proof, or evidence, or anything to back up what I’m saying. It’s merely a feeling. A feeling that I hope is extremely wrong.

I don’t think this team is prepared if injuries cause them trouble this year. I realize that no team is necessarily “prepared” for injuries, but I feel we are only a couple of injuries away from the season being lost.

Who is this team’s sixth starting pitcher if we need one? Me?

For the most part, the team was fairly healthy last season. If I were the front office, I’d be praying the rosary every day and twice on Sundays, asking God to keep this team healthy.

I think they are relying too much on what players have done in the past and are assuming they are going to produce the same statistics this year. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen that done. Where every player returns to a team the following year and is as good, or better, than they were the previous year.

That’s a lot of luck, if you ask me.

I’m just not sold on the idea that I’m staring at a World Series contender. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s why there needs to be a 162-game regular season.

Speaking of which, I also hate how the schedule is broken down.

76 of the 162 games Toronto plays this year, and every year, are against Boston, New York, Tampa Bay, and Baltimore.

I’m no math wizard, but that’s like 80% of the games.

Why? Because they are in our division. Ugh. I am so tired of watching those teams play us.

Out of the first 12 games on the schedule this year, 6 of them are against Baltimore. WHY? Space it the hell out.

I want a balanced schedule. I don’t want divisions. I want us to have a series against every team in the league – there are thirty of them. I want the National League to get with the program and have a Designated Hitter, instead of throwing a pitcher up to “hit”.

Just make me the commissioner of Major League Baseball, is what I’m saying.

I don’t know why this post is extremely bitter. I genuinely like baseball and hope the Blue Jays win the World Series (which shouldn’t be called the “World” Series, but hey, it’s called ‘Murica’s pastime’, so blame them) every year.

I’m just worried. And I think the media is trying to massage the fan base into thinking everything is okay because the television network that broadcasts the games, also owns the team.

So yeah, they’re going to be Positive Patty’s, while I’m going to be a Presumpcautionarytale Paul.

I did not make that word up.

Oh, I failed to mention the Blue Jays lack of depth in the outfield and how terrifying I find that. Legitimately terrifying. Like, look-over-your-shoulder-every-three-seconds-because-someone-with-a-shovel-is-following-you, level of terrifying.

But hey, it’s only April 6th. I’m probably over-reacting.

Note: I’m not just saying this now, so I can come back in September and say, “I told you so.” I’ll come back much sooner than.

Also note: The sarcasm.