50 Thoughts IX

1. If I am ever a contestant on The Price is Right and they reveal a drum kit as a prize, or something else I don’t want, you’ll be able to see the disappointment on my face. The cameras will hate it.

1.5 I’m tired of seeing contestants ooh and ahh over chandeliers and dining room sets.

2. Needles don’t bother me. Ever since I was little, I would just stare at them as the doctor stabbed my arm.

3. If I were to ever create a blog about washroom stories, it would be called “Urine Luck”. Think about it. No one steal this idea.

4. A bunch of penguins walking with an Eminem song playing in the background – I want this to be a thing.

4.5 IT’S A THING! Thank you, YouTube.

5. I always thought Bob Barker was telling us to get our pets “paid and tutored” instead of “spayed and neutered”. I just thought he wanted them to be successful, like Lassie.

6. I don’t eat chicken wings with my hands anymore. I pick them up with a fork and shove the whole thing in my mouth and let my teeth take the chicken off the bones. It’s barbarically effective.

6.5 And magically delicious.

7. If you needed a groundhog to tell you that it would be an early spring, then I’d suggest you were the one who was living under a rock.

8. Really big fans of Beyonce pronounce her name with more emphasis. Ever notice that? “Be-yAWn-SAY”.

9. Five golden rings. Four wheel drive. Three blind mice. Two turtle doves. And a cartridge in a pear tree.

10. Did any Americans actually move to Canada, or did they realize that complaining for four years would be easier and cheaper?

11. I want to be like my grandfather when I’m an old man. Mainly because when he answers the phone, he doesn’t say anything. He waits for the caller to start talking.

12. The “Cash me outside” girl was first on Dr. Phil in September. I saw the episode. Why did it take the rest of the world so long to catch on?

13. Is “Ear Hear” the equivalent to “I Spy”?

13.5 Ear hear with my little ear, something that is…

14. “Nasal congestion” are two of the most nasally congested sounding words you can put in a commercial about nasal congestion.

15. Windshield wipers on eyeglasses. It’s time. Do it.

16. I try not to think about how many things have crawled on my toothbrush when I’m not around.

17. I forgot how much I loved Quebec City. It’s probably my favourite city.

18. I feel like there are going to be people who complain about Trump every day for the next four years. I wish I had that kind of stamina when it comes to absolutely anything else.

19. Are kids going to find it weird when they eventually find out that their parents have been posting pictures of them online ever since they were born?

20. Just thinking about peanut butter with chocolate makes my mouth claustrophobic.

21. I don’t know who created the soap dispenser, but they don’t get enough credit.

22. How did the phrase, “Wigging out” get its roots?

22.5 Aahahahahaha get it?

23. When I tell a person who likes spicy food that I don’t like spicy food, it turns into a game of, “What about (insert another spicy food)? It’s not that spicy.” I hate that.

24. I don’t mind washing dishes, glasses, pots, or pans. Utensils are the worst, though.

25. Wasting words on lower cases and capitals.

26. Maybe it’s because I’m older, but the Nintendo Switch doesn’t interest me at all.

27. There has to be an easier way to pour balsamic vinegar, without it leaking down the bottle.

28. Instead of movie sequels, there should be movie alternatives. For example, you get the same Mrs. Doubtfire movie, but the plot unravels from the mother’s perspective, instead of the father’s.

29. Picture idea for Instagram: Eat a Subway sub on the subway and caption it, “Subway, eat fresh.” You’re welcome.

29.5 You could also put an ironic twist on it by asking a stranger to pretend to sneeze on your sub.

29.75 These are the things I think about.

30. Removing the seal from a new bottle of Tylenol is about as hard as breaking out of jail.

31. I can watch the TV in the house across the street from the comfort of my bedroom. I wish they didn’t watch so many children’s cartoons, though.

31.5 Hey! It’s not my fault their TV is in their front window.

32. Riverdale is a good show. Go watch it.

33. Can people born in 1996 really call themselves a 90s kid? Their first memory probably wasn’t until 2000.

34. When I got a Mac and my friends saw it for the first time, they said, “You have a Mac? You don’t seem like a Mac person.” I still have no clue what that means.

34.5 One friend didn’t come up to me in the cafeteria because they saw the Mac on the table and thought I was someone else.

35. Shadow tag was fun for about 53 seconds.

36. It would be cool if our bodies tracked stats. Like how many hours we’ve been asleep since birth. Or how many pizza slices we’ve eaten in our life.

37. Yourka.

38. People love Mickey Mouse but hate mice. Hypocrites!

39. I hated watching my classmates give Powerpoint presentations in high school. They were all awful.

40. Whenever I eat a banana, I mash it up on a plate and eat it with a fork. It tastes so much better.

40.5 Yes, it’s as if someone chewed my food for me and then I put it in my mouth, but it’s great.

41. Whenever I see two words that go together, like “Mashed Potatoes”, my mind switches the first letters just to see what it creates. Pashed Motatoes.

41.5 I do that with names, too.

42. Do aliens consider themselves to be humans and refer to us as aliens?

43. The situation is: you are a parent and your child has a water bed. When your child wets the bed in the middle of the night and tells you, “I wet the bed”…would you reply, “It was already wet”?

44. There was a time in my life when I believed my toys interacted with each other when I wasn’t around. Toy Story did that to me.

45. “Hey There, Delilah” is just okay.

46. How do clowns perfect their craft? I’m picturing rooms with full length mirrors and an endless supply of balloons.

47. Why there isn’t a bathroom store called, “YouTub”, is bed bath and beyond me.

48. I’d like to experience a week where the Internet doesn’t work anywhere in the world.

49. All I know about Titanic is that the boat sinks and there’s a Celine Dion song in there somewhere. Fight me.

50. Here, in the dark, I cherish the moonlight. I’m in love with the way you’re in love with the night. And travels from heart, to limb, to pen.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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41 Responses to 50 Thoughts IX

  1. Barb Knowles says:

    10, 18, 22, 49. I especially wonder about 10, since I said it too. But I knew I wasn’t really going to leave my family. 49- I thought I was the only person in the world who hasn’t seen the movie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. rebbit7 says:

    #19: I wondered it myself! It’ll be very interesting to see in the next few years how the 2000s kids see their baby photos on Facebook. Hardcover photo albums cease to have meaning anymore in this digital age.

    #40 It tastes much better since you’re releasing its sugars; it’s sort of like when you smash berries and turn them into jam. “Banana jam,” much? Never figured out why that still isn’t a thing yet…

    #45 So agree. Never quite got the hype about it when it came out.

    #50 Waxing poetics, are you? Very lovely, nonetheless!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      #40 Ahhh so that’s why! Back when I had braces I mashed up bananas because biting into them was too difficult at first, so that’s when I learned to like them mashed.
      #50 Unfortunately I can’t take credit for those words. They’re song lyrics.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. commutingwithkristen says:

    #11 oh my that is hilarious (in the unintentional way that only the older/wiser generation can be). I’m going to do that the next time someone calls me, which will be in a month or two considering how everyone only texts nowadays, and by that time I might have forgotten about your grandpa anecdote and will probably answer with “Hello?”. Argh damn it all.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Thunder Poet says:

    ……
    ….

    ..
    . ……….. Yourka? o.O

    Liked by 1 person

  5. James says:

    Weirdly I quite like ordinary mice but Mickey creeps me out a bit. Just me?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. #48: That’s an interesting idea, I’m curious how that would be like too now :O Is there a humongous plug somewhere out there that we could just unplug?! Clearly, I don’t know how the internet works lol :/

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Quinn says:

    Balsamic vinegar creme is what you need in your life.

    Also why were you watching Dr Phil? That’s the real question here.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Oh man, I knew someone would ask me why I was watching Dr. Phil. Okay. I never watch Dr. Phil. I don’t enjoy those types of shows. BUT I was seeing previews for their season premiere about how they were going to cover the JonBenet Ramsay murder mystery cold case thing, and was intrigued because I like those sort of things. And when that episode ended, they showed previews for the next day which were about this teenage brat. Darn previews sucked me in. That’s my story.
      Also, dare I ask what balsamic vinegar creme is?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Quinn says:

        It’s a thickened version of balsamic vinegar so you can drizzle it on your food without dripping and make awesome designs on your plate and pretend you’re a fancy French chef in a michelin star restaurant making things just perfect with your basil and your mozzarella and oh my God I’m on a tangent again.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        No please, do go on. You were making me hungry.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I agree with Kristen on #11. I want to do this so badly! Also, I literally just finished a “list” post. Geezus! I’m so unoriginal. LOL!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Ann Coleman says:

    This is a great list! And I’m thinking of adopting your grandpa’s method of answering the phone. My sister is close: when she calls someone, she says, “Hi, it’s me!” And that is often her sole contribution to the conversation.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Angela says:

    Haha I laughed at every one! You should pitch that Mrs Doubtfire alternative!
    Titanic wasn’t on its first journey when it sunk!!!!! It was actually built in Belfast and sailed to Southampton! It said Liverpool on its bow but it was never there it was just registered there! Geek fact of the day!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      If movies ever do what I just suggested, I’m going to be kicking myself I didn’t bring it to someone’s powerful attention first.
      Interesting! I’ll have to read up on the Titanic (not the movie). Always been curious about the details.

      Like

  11. peckapalooza says:

    1. My favorite is on shows like Wheel of Fortune where you know contestants are supposed to be happy for the person who won, but there’s always that one person who just can’t hide their disappointment and frustration at the fact that they got Bankrupt every time it was their turn to spin the wheel while the girl next to them walked away with $42,000.
    15. Didn’t someone do that back in the 80s?
    28. That’s brilliant. I’d go see that movie.
    22.5 I just got that.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Raven says:

    Lol isn’t this “new nintendo” basically a wii? That was my thought when I first seen it on a commercial.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Myka says:

    #8 – I hadn’t realized, until I started reading this and then it suddenly clicked. LOL
    #10 – Give us a year or two, I bet some will actually leave. (Maybe even me).
    #13.5 – BAHA.
    #22.5 – I for sure don’t get it. 😐
    #38 – Fifty Shades of Grey did this in book form – from Christian’s Perspective. It’s called Grey (I think).
    #34.5 – Hahaha.
    #37 – Teeheehee.
    #40.5 – If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.
    #41.5 Jyka Moyce
    #45 – Now it’s stuck in my head. Thanks, kind of.
    .xo.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Gawd, this was entertaining! Some sheer genius on display there, Paul! I especially love the notion of “movie alternatives”. It will never happen, but it should. It really should!

    Liked by 1 person

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