50 Thoughts VII

1. If someone doesn’t tuck their chair in upon leaving the food court, I will stare at them until I can’t see them anymore. It’s my way of being disappointed in society without causing a scene.

2. Did the phrase “bury the lead” orginate when the lead actor in a play was “put underground” because the understudy was looking for a big break and had connections? Worth investigating.

3. I think it would be cool if, once a year, WordPress had a summit for bloggers where we’re all shoved into a really big room with a bunch of tables and chairs (I ain’t standing) and mingle with the profile pictures people we’re familiar with.

4. Scented hand soaps and hand creams make my head hurt.

5. I also have a theory that scented soaps and creams are clogging our lungs and we’ll pay for it later in life. I’m going to be 50 years old saying, “I told ya *cough* so!”

6. What if we just let cyclists ride on the sidewalk instead of the road?

7. I’m currently listening to Because The Night (1978) by Patti Smith. It’s a real banger.

8. I had to look up the word “banger” on Urban Dictionary to make sure I was using it in its proper context.

9. I am Canadian. I don’t like poutine. The cheese is unnecessary.

10. Anyone remember MapQuest?

11. We teach children to not eat yellow snow, as if eating snow is acceptable in the first place.

12. Okay, if you’re going to eat snow, wear a bib. You’ll dribble.

13. When I was a kid, I thought a peaceful protest was what the characters on the show Recess did when they held hands and stood on the jungle gym and sang, “We shall not, we shall not be moved” when the administration wanted to tear it down and replace it.

13.5 Silly me.

14. Now that I’m an adult, I realize that peaceful protests involve a lot of yelling, chaos, and violence.

15. I never watched Friends so I can’t play the game of “Which character are you?” What I can tell you, though, is that I’m a combination of Daffy Duck and Ernie. Do with that information what you will.

16. Hey Apple, here’s an idea: The iPhone Stretch. That way, we can make the phone whatever size we want. I want royalties when they release this in 20 years.

17. Why do we call them “video” games. There is no VHS involved. They should be called TV Games.

18. Italicized words are just really tipsy. Tell me they aren’t. Look at them lean.

19. I’ve always really enjoyed the first 8 seconds of Walking on Broken Glass (1992) by Annie Lennox.

20. Ditto goes for the first 6 seconds of Georgy Girl (1966) by The Seekers.

21. I cannot go to a restaurant and only order a salad. Might as well eat the tree in the parking lot.

22. I think it’s a travesty that 7th Heaven is rated 5.1/10 on IMDB. It was a solid show.

23. If the slogan “Mustard is a Must” hasn’t been used by a condiment company yet, every employee should be fired.

24. Same goes for “Relish the Relish”.

25. And “Catch up with Ketchup”.

26. Puns make the world go round. I learned it in Astronomy 1P01.

27. Going through a revolving door and hopping on an escalator, both give me an adrenaline rush. One misstep and its all over.

28. The word, “children” looks like it needs a comma to break up the awkward sequence of “ldr” within the word.

28.5 Chil,dren

29. I’m trying out the half thoughts in this post. I like them so far.

30. Love is a banquet on which we feed, apparently.

31. Do kids know how to use a compass, or do they still rely on the sun to find their way out of the woods?

32. At first I thought “Fifth Harmony” was singer-speak for “the harmony after the fourth”. Still not convinced it isn’t.

33. New Worldwide Game: Everyone must carry a marble around everywhere with them. Caught without the marble, and you’re out. Last one standing becomes King/Queen of The World. It’s about time we get one of those.

34. In kindergarten, I used to make crackers and cheese sandwiches at snack time. If I ever apply to Subway, that’s going in my cover letter under the “relevant experience” paragraph.

35. Get ready for a pickup line in #36. I just came up with it.

36. If you look at your keyboard, “WE” are together.

36.5 As are U and I. 

36.75 BAM.

37. I never learned how to juggle three items. I only have two hands.

38. El em en oh pee.

39.  Celebrities don’t get old. They just change their hairstyle.

40. Sometimes when the phone rings I say, “Hark the heralds, telephone’s ringing!”

41. It’s my intention to fill Facebook with happy thoughts so I’ve posted a picture of a flower. If you like this photo, I will assign you a flower to post in your status so we can spread happiness to SHUT UP.

42. Sewer rhymes with manure.

43. The first ten seconds of A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton is what I call a “toe twinkler”. For obvious reasons, of course.

44. When I was in school I sometimes read my notes with a British accent in my head. I convinced myself I was retaining the information better because that’s what the internet told me would happen.

45. Don’t Stop Believin’ is a song about a boy and a girl who split up in hopes of finding a pizza place that is open late. Read the lyrics and tell me it isn’t.

46. I’M GOING TO BE REALLY UPSET IF YOU SKIMMED THROUGH THIS POST.

47. My thoughts on solar eclipses are few and far between. That was a joke.

48. The men’s washroom during an intermission at a sporting event looks like someone stepped on an ant hill.

49. What does a cold hotdog call itself? A chili dog. That was also a joke.

50. The Great Lakes are so full of themselves. Not a joke. Just a fact.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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41 Responses to 50 Thoughts VII

  1. Barb Knowles says:

    My WiFi cut out as i was in the middle of commenting so I’m starting over. I hope you get this. If not, I’m rushing off to work and will finish tonight. You made me laugh out loud, OF COURSE! Surprisingly, I’m not going to list all 50 individually, but suffice it to say, you got me with #1 and my favorites were the 2 spelling of children ones. Or rather, the 1 1/2 children ones. You should include a quiz at the end to catch anyone who was scrolling. Have a good day!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. darthtimon says:

    You’re a peculiar fellow. I like you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Little Rants says:

    FRICKETY SHICK PAUL I MISSED SO MANY OF YOUR POSTS.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Myka says:

    FAVE: 8. I had to look up the word “banger” on Urban Dictionary to make sure I was using it in its proper context.
    A list! woo!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. That Recess reference in #13. What an iconic television moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. peckapalooza says:

    3. I’d go to that. Until I got really uncomfortable being around that many people. Can I just meet a few people? Like you and Jess and Barb and Shaz… maybe a few others I’ve managed to lose touch with over the years. We should just go bowling and have some pizza sometime.
    15. So you’re a duck with a rubber duck?
    18. Coulda had a V8.
    27. For me, it’s more anxiety than adrenaline…
    33. I actually have a marble in my pocket right now. And at all times. But it holds sentimental value.
    44. A great deal of my internal monologue is British. I blame Doctor Who. And Jack Sparrow.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Paul says:

      Ah yes, equal doses of anxiety too. Especially when two people end up in the same section of the revolving door.
      We’ll have to watch our backs at bowling, I think Barb is secretly a professional.
      I am a duck with a rubber duck, correct.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. Squid says:

    Greatest part of my month right here, Paul! I took notes on, wait for it, paper (GASP), as I read and now will attempt to transcribe them here:
    #3 totally needs to happen! And then we can all say that we’ve been to a summit and feel super growup and cool.
    #4&5 My mom is badly allergic to pretty much any strong scent (except for coffee) so at the summit you can chill with us without fear of nasty (sweet) scents/aromas (we bathe, hahaha).
    #10 MapQuest was what my mom relied on for many years even when Google Maps was available and it got us lost so much… Apple Maps is sadly better, but I think Google is still king.
    #11 In my mind, eating snow should always be acceptable, but, then again, I am in Florida, so the chance to eat snow would be welcomed even if I wasn’t allowed.
    #45 just blew my mind 👌
    Can’t wait for next month’s!
    Squid

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      So glad you enjoyed this post!
      Oh good, it’ll be a scent free zone lol
      Haha I try to stay away from eating snow, you never know who’s stepped on it – people or animal. Though I’m not against catch it in your mouth as it falls.
      #45 – right!?!?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. 31. You are assuming that kids still play outside and would go anywhere near a Forrest.
    31.5 If they ended up there, they would use the GPS on their phones to get back
    19. I’ve been singing that song in my head since my Friday blog post about broken glass.
    28. In the southern US you can say chil’n, but only if you nail the accent. I don’t know if you’ll be able to nail it as a Canadian though.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      31. Haha yup so true. I think I’m about 25 years too late on my compass question.
      28. I just attempted saying it and it sounds like chillin’. That’s not right, is it? I’ll work on it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I can barely say it that way because I was raised in the Pacific Northwest. I spent a year in Arkansas, and picked up a slight drawl I used for my first semester of college to pick up guys. It worked really well.
        The best part of a southern accent is that things sound more polite. My favorite Southern expression of all time is, “Bless her heart.” I love it because it’s a passive aggressive way of saying some one is an idiot, made a really bad decision, or is a total screw up. Example- “It looks like Tina cooked for the Christmas party again this year. Bless her heart.” Which really means, “Tina sucks at cooking and I don’t know why she even bothered to show up with something to the party, because everyone knows that it was her crab dip that gave everyone food poisoning last year.”
        My family should be southern, but isn’t. Instead, they are just passive aggressively critical.
        Sorry. I have completely taken your post off course, and feel somehow like I owe you for therapy…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        No need to apologize, this comment was outstanding! Made me laugh. I don’t know where I picked it up – maybe from a tv show – but I think I knew “bless her heart” was more of a condescending phrase than a compliment. Nevertheless I enjoyed your explanation haha

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Val says:

    Er, does it count that I had to scroll through to read all 50? 😉
    Your posts crack me up (aka, make me laugh). That’s good. For me, and for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Every time I read these, I love to do this thing called “try not to laugh”, and this time, I hit #43 and absolutely lost it😂😂😂

    Liked by 3 people

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