I know, the NBA season began three days ago and you can’t technically have a preview after something has already started. Well, too bad! My blog, my rules. That’s where the word, “Belated” comes into play. Go eat a cantaloupe if you don’t like it. I only say that because I hate cantaloupe. Makes me want to puke. True story.
Anyway, I’m going to quickly run through all thirty teams in the league and give my thoughts on them in two sentences, or less. If I think they will make the playoffs, I will say “Playoffs”. And no, that will not count as a sentence.
So even if you’re not a basketball fan, but find yourself in a group of people discussing basketball, feel free to refer to this list and steal some one liners. You’ll look smart and funny, and everyone will want to be your friend.
Atlanta Hawks: Their arena looks really dark. I believe in Dennis Schroder. Playoffs.
Boston Celtics: A lot of people are saying they’re the second best team in the East, but I don’t see it. Maybe the third best. Playoffs.
Brooklyn Nets: Jay-Z and Beyonce sit court side so you can look at something other than the game.
Charlotte Hornets: Batum, Williams, and Kidd-Gilchrist are basically the same player. Playoffs.
Chicago Bulls: They will get a lot of steals. It’s too bad they can’t shoot threes. Playoffs.
Cleveland Cavaliers: LeBron James. And LeBron James. Playoffs.
Dallas Mavericks: Mark Cuban likes spending money. Old team. Playoffs.
Denver Nuggets: Two years away from being a playoff team.
Detroit Pistons: Andre Drummond is a house, but the injury to Reggie Jackson will be felt. Strange hairstyle choices on this team.
Golden State Warriors: They have no bench. Steph Curry has a nice family. Playoffs.
Houston Rockets: Can they bring back Yao Ming? Playoffs.
Indiana Pacers: Paul “Curious” George is really good at basketball. I want that nickname to catch on. Playoffs.
Los Angeles Clippers: No one likes them because they whine all the time. They whine all the time because no one likes them. Playoffs.
Los Angeles Lakers: Won’t be as bad as people expect. Will let a three-game winning streak get to their heads.
Memphis Grizzlies: Stale. Vince Carter!
Miami Heat: They had their fun. It’s over.
Milwaukee Bucks: Giannis Antetokounmpo’s arms are so long (how long are they?) he can touch the other side of the room before he even enters the room.
Minnesota Timberwolves: These kids are good. Let them age like a fine prosciutto, though.
New Orleans Pelicans: Walking On Broken Glass – Annie Lennox.
New York Knicks: See, New Orleans Pelicans. Turn back the clock five years and they would be championship contenders.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Russell Westbrook is out for blood this year. Blood. Playoffs.
Orlando Magic: Their point guard has a mop on his head. Their front court is big and mean. Playoffs.
Philadelphia 76ers: They need to Feng Shui their organization, like, yesterday.
Phoenix Suns: Marquese Chriss and Devin Booker. Start name dropping them at parties now, so you can say you knew them before they were superstars.
Portland Trail Blazers: I remember when they were known as the Jail Blazers. They’re good now. Playoffs.
Sacramento Kings: DeMarcus Cousins always looks frustrated. In three years, maybe two players on the current roster will still be on the team.
San Antonio Spurs: “When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less”. – Paul Brown. Playoffs.
Toronto Raptors: No big additions going into this season made people think they didn’t improve. I disagree with that sentiment. A long playoff run last year, coupled with the team’s two best players playing on Team USA at the Olympics, is experience they didn’t have last season. Also, the young players still have a lot of room for improvement. Playoffs.
Yeah, I know that was more than three sentences. What are you, a mathematician? I’m biased. Go eat a cantaloupe.
Utah Jazz: I’ve been a closet Utah Jazz fan for a long time now. This team is good. Playoffs.
Washington Wizards: I find them to be stale. Their two best players don’t like each other.
Who will win the championship? I have no idea. Anything can happen.
To summarize, here are the teams I think will make the playoffs even though predictions are ridiculous. I’m really just putting this here so I can brag in April (to all of you who don’t care) about how many I got right.
East
Atlanta Hawks
Boston Celtics
Charlotte Hornets
Chicago Bulls
Cleveland Cavaliers
Indiana Pacers
Orlando Magic
Toronto Raptors
West
Dallas Mavericks
Golden State Warriors
Houston Rockets
Los Angeles Clippers
Oklahoma City Thunder
Portland Trail Blazers
San Antonio Spurs
Utah Jazz
Alright, that’s all. If you sat through this entire blog post and aren’t a basketball fan, I love you.
The Captain's Speech 
I sat through this entire blog post..and I have no interest in baseball..or was it basketball 🙂
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It was actually hockey….haha thanks for reading!!
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I can’t moveon on how the Wolves blown their early lead on their first game. Hope they develop because I am rooting for them.
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I think they’re going to be really good some day, but will have to go through some rough losses to get there. They’re still just a bunch of young kids learning how to win.
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I do hope they get through and stay once they became free agents.
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I hope so too, though if Wiggins wants to come to Canada and play for Toronto I won’t be mad!
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Well it might not happen anytime soon because the raptors have commited their salary cap to Derozan and Lowry. Though I have read before that he’s also interested to play on his homecrowd.
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This is true. I’m not sure when Wiggins becomes a free agent but Lowry has two years left and if for some reason they don’t resign him, there will be money available. I think Minnesota can be a powerhouse in a few years if he stays there though.
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I think players who get drafted don’t have a player option until their 4th season is over. I also read that the Wolves exercised their option on Wiggins, Lavine, Towns and Dieng until their fourth seasons. Keeping them after that would be the problem. I don’t really see Wiggins play alongside Derozan. They have the same playstyle and it’s not good to put them together.
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That’s a good point. Both need to work on their outside shot. I really like Lavine. Is Rubio the odd man out in the back court, eventually?
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Well the entire team should really need to work even on their mid range shots. Lavine could be a beast if he gains more muscles. Seems so Rubio might get traded before the trade deadline because Kris Dunn is full of promise.
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I’m not into sports unless it’s the world cup, or the team is funny. All these American terms that Canadians and Americans use for football or basketball. The golden hawks are playing! woo.
I wish I was supporting a team, but I haven’t really connected to the UK ones.
One day!
Ps. Been a while since you’ve blogged and I found you on Facebook. I find everyone on there *shifty* ha ha, good to see you posting 😀
Jiya
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Yeah sports take a lot of time and energy to follow. It’s probably for the best that you don’t, it’s too stressful. Lol I don’t really go on Facebook much anymore and I don’t add people that I don’t know in person lol don’t take it personally!
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Ohh. I’m taking a leaf out of your book.
Yep you never know who is a serial killer. Except I’m drawn to the dark ones!
*blocks every internet person on Facebook* see ya!
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I couldn’t care any less about who gets into the playoffs for a big game I won’t ever watch, but this was amazingly well done and I learned a lot! (I think)
Thanks for pseudonforming (sort of informing) me!
Squid
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Wow, I really appreciate you reading it! I tried to write it so anyone (fan or not) would enjoy it.
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I’m not a basketball fan, but it’s on a lot because my husband is a fan. But that’s not what this comment is about. The first thing I did was Google “cantaloupe” because I didn’t think we spelled it with a “u.” We do. Which is oddly reassuring because that would be a very strange word for our ancestors to have decided to keep the “u.” I bet you never dreamt when writing this post that the focus for someone would be cantaloupe, lol.
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Haha I’m actually really glad someone brought up the cantaloupe! I didn’t mention it twice in this post just for it to be tossed to the side (though I wouldn’t mind that). Are you sure you guys don’t spell it “Can’t Elope”?
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No, not even if someone says “Honey Do.”
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Very interesting post. I like the analyzing of each NBA team and I most definitely agree with your predictions towards the NBA playoffs. Take a look at my blog and give me a follow to check out my playoff predictions, all the way to the NBA Finals! hoppisports.wordpress.com
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Thanks! I’ll check it out!
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Now that the seasons nearing the mid-way point, what do you think of James Harden in the point guard role?
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I think it’s really quite brilliant. If he were still at the 2, they’d take 6-8 seconds off the clock just trying to get the ball from Beverley to Harden. Now, he just gets the ball straight from the inbounds and can control the play from the start.
I don’t know why people were so surprised that he was a willing passer or that his assists total is so high. He was getting 7.5 per game when he wasn’t the PG, and that was on a team that didn’t have all of these spot up shooters.
I think Houston has made themselves a threat, or at least give the top teams something to momentarily sweat about.
What do you think?
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They’re one of the few teams to beat the Warriors this season so that’s a bonus for them. And if Harden continues to play the way he has, both in scoring and passing the ball, he could potentially win MVP this year. The way the Rockets are playing, they’ve definitely made themselves to be a threat in the playoffs, maybe even conference finals.
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Who would you say is the MVP at the this point? I was watching a Utah broadcast the other day and they said LeBron. I don’t agree with them.
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Westbrook is an obvious candidate, but I feel that if OKC don’t secure a higher seed than their current position he can’t really win MVP. LeBron shows flashes of an MVP worthy season but seems to be having a quiet season compared to what we’re used to seeing, and he really needed to stand out in their game against Golden State last night. At the moment though I think Harden is most deserving of MVP, he’s leading his team to a high seed while still scoring at a mostly efficient level.
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I’d agree with that.
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