I Took Notes During The Second Presidential Debate

I was not home Sunday night to watch the second presidential debate. I was at a baseball game, which you can read about here. But that didn’t stop me from recording it on the PVR and watching it the next day. Yes, I live in Canada. We call it a PVR instead of a DVR.

That’s right, kids. I don’t even live in America and I took notes on the entire debate. Why? Because I thought it would make for a good blog post. Judge me.

Before I share my notes with you, just know that I don’t want a political debate in the comments section. Vote for whoever you want. I’m just a Canadian trying to add some (more?) humour and seriousness to the situation.

Let’s get started.

  • If you press the info button on the remote, this debate is described as: “Candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump discuss the issues.” That’s the first lie of the night.
  • Two chairs set up on stage. I guess a wrestling ring was too difficult to bring in?
  • The Clintons and Trumps look like they’re sitting in a penalty box watching this debate.
  • Wolf Blitzer just suggested that the candidates might go easy on each other since their families are there. Oh, Wolf. You optimist, you. It’s 2016. Even if they weren’t there, they would know everything that’s said about them.
  • I like Anderson Cooper. He used to host, The Mole. They should bring that show back.
  • The uncommitted voters at this town hall look like they want to go home. It hasn’t even started yet.
  • THEY DIDN’T SHAKE HANDS. EVERYONE TWEET ABOUT IT.
  • Well that was awkward.
  • First person is asking them if they are modelling appropriate behaviour for today’s youth. Why is this a question? The answer is “no”. NEXT.
  • “Our country is great because we’re good.” – Hillary. Inspiring.
  • The question is about having appropriate behaviour for youth, but Trump just mentioned Iran. Okay.
  • THINK OF THE CHILDREN, DONALD.
  • A. Coop (my nickname for Anderson Cooper) is asking Trump about “the video”. Dun dun dun…
  • “This was locker room talk.” –  TanTrum-p (My nickname for Donald).
  • I know what he means, but he makes it sound like it’s okay to talk like that just because it’s classified as “locker room talk”. It’s not okay to say that anywhere, Donald. SAY IT’S NOT OKAY.
  • He’s trying to transition the topic to ISIS.
  • I really want to know what Hillary got Donald for his wedding.
  • Trump can’t stand still. Looks like he’s waiting in line to get a free t-shirt. I can relate to that. It takes forever and there’s always someone at the front asking for a different size.
  • Trump starts off these debates all calm and monotone.
  • The Donald is going after The Bill. Put the popcorn in the microwave. Here. We. Go.
  • A FLY JUST LANDED ON HILLARY’S EYEBROW. SCREENSHOTS ALL OVER TWITTER.
  • AHAHA I’M ON THE FLOOR.
  • Hillary is calling him “Donald”. Does that mean she doesn’t respect him enough to call him Mr. Trump? Cue the “ooooohs” from Saved By The Bell.
  • Trump wants her to look at WikiLeaks. God, I wish he brought a laptop to this debate. He could have that site saved under favourites and just pull it up quickly.
  • Hillary is sitting while Donald is standing and talking at her like she’s a child in a classroom.
  • 33,000 emails were deleted? I feel like it was 32,632 and everyone is just rounding up. Be accurate!
  • Uh oh, she’s poking the bear.
  • “Go to HillaryClinton.com” – HC
  • TRUMP JUST INSINUATED THAT HE WOULD PUT HER IN JAIL. DO NOT PASS GO, GO DIRECTLY JAIL!
  • A. Coop just told the crowd not to make a reaction because their noise wastes time. Yes, a three second cheer is a waste of time. Back to Trump!
  • Where did that fly go? Did secret service come in off-camera with a fly swatter?
  • When Hillary talks, Donald looks like he needs to get home to watch the start of a TV show. Can’t blame him. #Spoilers
  • Almost half an hour in and I think only one person in this town hall audience has asked a question.
  • Hillary has perfected the “I can’t believe he is saying this, keep talking” smile.
  • Trump is a good interrupter. Gotta give him that.
  • Trump says, “one on three” as he feels the moderators are against him because they didn’t press Hillary on her 32,632 emails after he talked about them for five minutes.
  • “The following contest is a No Holds Barred handicap match. Introducing first….”
  • “I’m a gentleman, Hillary. Go ahead.” – Trump
  • So, what are the issues of this election other than what kind of people Donald and Hillary are?
  • H. Clint is talking about health care but I can’t focus on anything she says because I’m too riled up for the 3 on 1 handicap match. I like wrestling, okay.
  • “Obamacare is a disaster. You know it, I know it.” – D
  • “Obamacare is very bad.” – D
  • Donald likes to say, “we have to…” a lot. Why doesn’t he say, “I will…”?
  • Oh hell no, Trump just mentioned Canada!
  • If I were Trump, I would’ve brought a tennis ball to play with while Hillary is talking. Anything to not look bored.
  • “Your time is up.” – A. Coop interrupts Hillary. AKA “Okay, let’s talk about the issues but let’s not talk about them for too long. We might lose viewers.”
  • I want to see a debate where they are asked yes or no questions and are only allowed to answer with yes or no. If they say more, they get their mic shut off, or get dropped in a dunk tank. Either will do.
  • Donald doesn’t want to ban Muslim immigration. “It’s called, ‘extreme vetting’.”
  • Now I want to know what his thoughts are on extreme couponing.
  • Hillary likes to walk to Donald’s side of the stage when she talks. Gotta think it’s a strategy to rattle him by moving in on his territory.
  • They should put a wall between them on stage. WHY DIDN’T ANYONE THINK OF THIS? Do I have to think of everything?
  • Donald is now pointing at the moderators and then pointing at the clock. Probably because Hillary’s two minutes are up. He’s a tattletale! Wait until the kids at recess hear about this!
  • “She just went about 25 seconds over her time, can I just respond to this, please?” – D. Well, at least he asked nicely.
  • “The border patrol agents just recently endorsed me.” – Donald. Does this mean they are in favour of a wall?
  • I feel awful for these uncommitted voters. Can we give them a dinner tray with food? Maybe a juice box?
  • Oh, we are talking about Trump’s taxes now. I couldn’t wait for this part.
  • I don’t think this debate will have a winner. In wrestling terms, it’ll be classified as a double disqualification and a rematch will come at a later date.
  • Did Donald just say, “bigly”?
  • Hillary likes to start off her rebuttals by telling us that everything Trump just said isn’t true.
  • I’d rather she just stood up and said, “FALSE!” in a dramatic manner. It would turn into a meme and a gif on the internet in two seconds. That’s what this election is about, anyway. Who can get more likes and retweets on social media.
  • Every time these two talk about tax rates, they talk about the millionaires and billionaires. These people can’t relate to those wealthy people. They just resent them.
  • “Wall street people.” – Donald
  • “I love depreciation.” – Donald. See, he has a heart.
  • Donald just said Hillary is all talk and no action. Oh no he di’int!
  • Bernie Sanders must cringe every time Donald uses things he has said in order to disparage Hillary.
  • Can we put a live camera in Bernie’s home, so we can see his reactions? Just put it in a small window in the bottom of the screen.
  • Is it just me, or do they talk about the same stuff at every debate? I don’t feel like I’m learning anything new here.
  • “Bi-partisan”. Drink!
  • “How would you describe yourself in 5 emojis or less?” – Question I would ask.
  • “You don’t know who the rebels are.” – Donald.
  • Trump just went on for three minutes before the moderator jumped in and said, “Let me repeat the question.” Ughhhhhh NO. Don’t repeat it! Forget it and move on.
  • Ask them what kind of ice cream they like.
  • “How stupid is our country?” – Donald Trump, Presidential Candidate.
  • Trump’s strategy in this debate is to criticize everyone currently making decisions for the country, before saying he has endorsements from so many people.
  • Hillary’s strategy is to let him execute his strategy.
  • Trump is criticizing the moderators for not stopping Hillary when she goes over time. The fix is in! Donald, the match was introduced as a No Holds Barred handicap match. Get with it.
  • I like that Trump mentions how many people attend his speeches. Hillary, how many people attend your speeches? Hmmm????
  • “Children listen to what is being said. Bullying is up.” – Hillary.
  • But is that really Trump’s fault? I don’t think kids care about politics. Kids don’t need to know who Trump is, in order to be a bully. Is he converting good little kids into bullies? I don’t think so. Maybe I’m wrong.
  • The school year just started a couple of months ago. That’s why bullying is up.
  • “Mommy, Daddy, can I stay up late and watch the debate with you?” – Children?? Probably not. And even if they do ask to watch, most parents probably wouldn’t let them.
  • What do I know, though?
  • “She has tremendous hate in her heart.” But Donald, you invited her to your wedding! The happiest day of your life!
  • A. Coop just referenced tweets that Trump sent out between 3-5 am. Now Trump is bashing Hillary for not being awake at that time. Hark!
  • Trump is touting the fact that he has 25 million followers between Facebook and Twitter. How many are fake accounts, though?
  • I’m losing steam, can we end this so I can go have banana pudding in peace?
  • The question is about the Supreme Court Justice and Trump is telling us how much of his own money he put in the campaign. Well, he had to mention it somehow. Time is running out.
  • I hope these two hug at the end.
  • KEN BONE.
  • Ken Bone’s sweater is my new favourite thing in the world. It looks so warm, but not too warm to the point of overheating.
  • America is $20 trillion in debt. Serious question: will there ever be a day when they aren’t in debt? Or at least down to the billions?
  • Again, I feel awful for these uncommitted voters. Not even a juice box for them.
  • Final question: Name one positive thing about the other.
  • THE CROWD LAUGHED. They know what’s up.
  • “I like his eyes and the way he combs his hair.”
  • Hillary likes Donald’s children. Aww, my heart. Did she bring loot bags for them?
  • Donald takes that as a compliment. Yay! They like each other again! Thanksgiving dinner with both families is back on! Someone please televise this.
  • “She doesn’t quit. She doesn’t give up. I respect that.” – Donald
  • My heart is so warm right now. These two are “totes adorbs”.
  • Oh my God, it’s over.
  • The last debate is October 19 in Las Vegas. Please let it be at a blackjack table. PLEASE.
  • THEY SHOOK HANDS.
  • No hug, though.
  • “They took the gloves off. They threw them away!” – Wolf Blitzer’s immediate response to the debate.
  • I think he got his O.J. Simpson notes mixed up with his Presidential Debate notes.
  • I like how the cameras follow the candidates all the way to the parking lot. It’s like they’re getting in a getaway car.
  • Alright, I’m done. Time for some banana pudding.
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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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40 Responses to I Took Notes During The Second Presidential Debate

  1. lololol I feel like I watched it now

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Best debate review I’ve read so far!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Barb Knowles says:

    O.M.G. This was so good I read it 3 times in a row. It was shoulder shaking, burst out laughing good. And, seriously, the only things Tim and I kept saying during the debate were “look at those poor people sitting there” and “please don’t repeat the question.” Did the uncommitted-but-now-I-will-never-vote-in-an-election-again people lose some lottery where they were forced to attend this debate in person? Except I totally agree with you on the sweater. Ok what else…..scrolling up….TanTrum-p, the fly, extreme couponing (that one made me snort), emoji descriptions, FALSE. Paul- what’s bigly? I don’t remember that. Now I’ll read again, but did you leave out the “put you in jail” aside? Now I don’t know wrestling rules, but that would have to be thrown out of the game. Your best ending ever…..Wolf Blitzer and O.J. Simpson.
    I wish I could keep hitting your “like” button. Over. And over.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Paul says:

      Haha I’m glad I got your stamp of approval on this post. I think I mentioned the jail comment in all caps and made a monopoly joke about it. As for “bigly”, I think that is Trump-speak for something that is really big. He creates his own words. I’d be shocked if these uncommitted voters came to a decision after the debate. Ken Bone was on Jimmy Kimmel’s show and he said they were sequestered in a room without technology for (I think he said) 8 hours prior to the debate. Could you imagine!?

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Tenacity T says:

    This is great! I only watched 40 minutes of it😬Good job Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Squid says:

    OH MY GOODNESS I’m actually rather OK with the fact that I didn’t watch it because then I had no point of reference for this! So spot on! Hahahaha this made me laugh so hard… 😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Laura says:

    OMG, I watched that thing and I’m SO wishing I’d thought to take notes. This is BRILLIANT!! (Plus it would have kept my blood pressure lower and I probably wouldn’t have hurtled the f-bomb at the tv quite so often.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha I can only imagine how frustrating it must’ve been for Americans to watch this. There’s always a 3rd debate to make notes for! I’m thinking I’ll do this again for that.

      Like

  7. Thank you for this. Hopefully you enjoyed your Canadian Thanksgiving My Twitter feed was on fire Sunday night. I may have also yelled, “oh no he didn’t” at the TV more than once. PS what’s your Twitter handle?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Canada, PVRs, and the 2nd debate | Riddle from the Middle

  9. You forgot about the part where Trump kept sniffling!!! Haha I’m an American and you made a better list than me 🙂 That debate was awesome, I had pizza and snickers next to me and kept laughing. It was a well needed rest night for me!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Jess says:

    This is the greatest thing I ever read. The free t-shirt and extreme couponing reference had me in tears haha. I will hire you to just talk in my ear every time I watch a debate. I’ll pay good money. I promise.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Am I Thirty? says:

    Omg, you should live blog every debate. This was amazing! Made me slightly less sad about the horrible state my country is in.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. peckapalooza says:

    I appreciate you doing this. I was out of town with no TV or internet access for several days. It’s good to know the status quo in American politics is unchanged.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ariel Lynn says:

    Hillary got to speak a total 60 seconds more than Trump… it must be rigged (but only if Trump loses)!!!

    I couldn’t even bring myself to watch this trainwreck – although, I love me some A. Coop. He actually moderated like… a moderator!!! (I know this because I’m reading NPR’s fact-checking of the debate & I heard that Mr. Coop actually tried to keep Drumpf on topic; moderators should get hazard pay for dealing with these debates.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      A. Coop did a good job of trying to get Trump back on topic but Trump hated that he kept interrupting him and not Hillary haha. Maybe because Hillary stayed on topic (for the most part) and no one had to cut her off.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ariel Lynn says:

        Also, from what I’ve read, Mr. A. Coop let Trump go on about the wrong topic for quite a while before reminding him of the topic about which he was to talk. But, again, I couldn’t watch it. I had a stomach ache before, I would have puked if I’d watched it.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Ashley Hearod says:

    Lolz. So who won?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Pingback: I Took Notes During The Third Presidential Debate | The Captain's Speech

  16. Val says:

    Hahaha!! 😀 (I was tempted to say ‘bigly hahaha’ but I resisted. Oh wait…)

    Liked by 1 person

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