I love that I have the opportunity to write a lovely letter and send it out to the lovable Loving, New Mexico. I tried to use as many variations of the word “love” as I could in that opening sentence without sounding creepy. Send my regards to “lovingly”. I couldn’t pencil them in.
Loving, New Mexico sounds like the most Canadian place that isn’t located in Canada. I like it. Nay! I love it.
I’m really excited about the love story you’ve asked me to share with you in this letter. But before I get to it, let me address a few other things first.
When I typed out your name, my computer wanted to call you Cassandra. I wouldn’t let it. I’m sure you get that a lot, though. It must be frustrating. I know the feeling.
I once had to tell a delivery man my first name three times before he knew my name started with the letter P. That was a fun interaction.
Okay, I have to tell you something. It was you who inspired me to do my Chef Paulo posts. The ones where I take on an alter ego and give step-by-step instructions on how to make the simplest of meals.
You inspired me to do that. I remember reading your food posts where you presented a recipe and walked your readers through each step and included pictures. I had seen posts like that before, but yours were different.
They were actually entertaining. Not wanting to look like I was stealing your thing, I created my own. I did that because I’m not actually a talented chef. I just play one on the internet.
Thank you for that! So every time you see a Chef Paulo post, just know you had a hand in them. Unless you hate Chef Paulo and are embarrassed to be associated with him/me, of course.
You asked me if I’ve ever been criticized for having a blog.
I don’t think I have been criticized for having a blog. If I have, it’s never been verbalized to me. Maybe some people saw my blog posts on Facebook and rolled their eyes and trash-talked me in their head, but I’ve never heard about it.
Though I must say, I don’t really share my blog on Facebook anymore. Maybe only once every few months. I used to do it all the time and then it got to a point where I felt the novelty wore off. I didn’t feel like my friends cared anymore. That might not be true, but it’s what I tell myself.
So if anyone’s criticized me for having a blog, it’s me.
Alright, let’s get to the
fictional best part of this letter! You told me to tell you about a stolen phone, a love song, and a bet, while keeping with the “love” theme.
Fortunately, I have just the story that fits these components! I know, shocking!
Here’s what happened:
There was a wedding. It took place on a sunny day in June. It doesn’t matter who the couple was, they aren’t the main part of this story. However, the bride and groom both invited some of their friends to the wedding.
A woman named Tammy was one of the people the bride invited. They had been friends since college and roommates for a month when the bride needed somewhere to stay after her apartment was infested with pests.
A man named Tommy was one of the people the groom invited. The groom had known Tommy for eleven years – they met when they were both 18 and working in the produce section at the local grocery store.
As the wedding ceremony was going on, Tammy and Tommy were sitting in the audience.
At one point, Tommy looked across the aisle and saw Tammy. He had seen her before, but where? Tommy scanned his 29-year-old memory and found himself back in elementary school. That’s it!
Tommy had been classmates with Tammy. He had the biggest crush on her back then, but never worked up the courage to tell her. His nickname back then was “Tommy Toothpaste” because one of his classmates caught him brushing his teeth in the washroom after lunch.
And since kids can be cruel, “Tommy Toothpaste” stuck. He didn’t have a lot of confidence because of it.
Back to the wedding.
Tommy couldn’t stop staring at Tammy. He hadn’t seen her since their grade eight graduation. Would she remember him?
That night, at the wedding reception, Tommy pulled the groom aside and told him about Tammy. About how they had gone to school together. About how he had a crush on her. About how he still found her beautiful. About how sweat marks had appeared under his armpits just thinking about approaching her that night.
All of a sudden, everyone was told to sit down. The food was starting to come out. Tommy found himself at Table 6; Tammy was at Table 11.
The first course was a bowl of soup. Great, just what Tommy needed. More heat.
Fifteen minutes and three new sweat stains later, Tommy received a text message. It was from a number he didn’t recognize.
The text read: “I’ve made a bet with the people at my table that you won’t ask me to dance later. Prove me wrong. P.S. Nice sweat stains! – Tammy”
How did she know about the sweat stains? More importantly, how did she get his number?
Tommy looked up and over at Table 11. Everyone was laughing. Surely, they were laughing at him and his sweaty pits.
Tommy didn’t reply to the text. What would he say? What do you say to someone you haven’t spoken to in 15 years? Do you address your sweat stains?
He decided to make his move after the meal. As soon as everyone finished their dessert, he made his way to the dance floor, just like the DJ had encouraged everyone to do, even though he hated dancing. He had to do it.
Tammy hadn’t even glanced at him once, all dinner. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think she didn’t even know he was there.
The first song came on and it was a love song, called: “When You Say Nothing At All“. Tommy had first heard this song back when he and the groom worked together at the grocery store.
He listened to the first verse…
“It’s amazing how you
Can speak right to my heart.
Without saying a word
You can light up the dark.”
…and knew right away that he had to find Tammy.
He tapped her on the shoulder, she turned around, and he blurted out: “Would you to dance like?”
Oh no! He had fumbled the order of the words.
Tammy replied, “Would I dance like what?”
Tommy, still not catching his mistake, replied: “With me! Do you remember me?”
Tammy looked into his eyes as the lyric, “There’s a truth in your eyes” played behind them.
“Oh my God, Tommy! Tommy Toothpaste!”
Tommy had never been so proud of his childhood nickname.
“Let’s dance!” she said.
And with that, they slow danced the rest of the song. It was surreal to Tommy. He had found a way to stop sweating. It felt right.
When the song was over, they went to sit down and talk.
Tommy asked her how she got his phone number. Tammy had no idea what he was talking about, so he pulled out his phone to show her the text.
“Tommy, that’s my phone number, but I didn’t send that text. Wow, I don’t even have my phone back yet!
“While I was having my soup, the bride came over and asked me if she could borrow my phone. Her battery died and she wanted to call her aunt who couldn’t make it. She still has my phone.”
Tommy had no clue what was going on.
Right on cue, the bride and groom walked up to Tommy and Tammy. The groom handed the phone back to Tammy. She looked confused. Tommy started putting the pieces together.
The groom told his wife that Tommy had a crush on Tammy in elementary school but didn’t know how to approach her. So, she came up with an excuse to get Tammy’s phone.
Her aunt that couldn’t make it? That was a lie. Her aunt was there. All three of them, actually.
The bride then gave the phone to the groom, who sent the text message to his sweaty friend.
Then, the groom told the DJ to play “When You Say Nothing At All” because he knew Tommy secretly loved that song. And then the bride and groom watched the dominos fall.
That night, Tommy told Tammy how he had felt about her back in elementary school and she revealed that she also had a crush on him back then.
Long story, short: they talked the night away, became boyfriend and girlfriend, and got married two years later. I don’t have to tell you what their wedding song ended up being, do I?
Well, I better be going!
Casondra, it’s been a pleasure getting to know you through your blog posts. I know your life has gone down a new path recently and I just want to say I’m proud of you for taking that opportunity, as scary as it might’ve been.
Keep believing in yourself and just know that where you are is where you’re supposed to be.
Have a Loving day,