1. One of my biggest fears is that an emergency situation will arise that will require me to run away from wherever I am, but both my legs and feet will be asleep. Therefore, I won’t be able to move. Terrifying thought, isn’t it?
2. The opposite of The Backstreet Boys is The Frontwalk Girls. Why isn’t this a band yet?
3. Stop re-making old movies and start making new ones.
4. What if pets think that we are their pets? Like, “This is my human.”
5. My friend Jess started a website to promote and sell her artwork! They’re grrrrreat! Check it out HERE.
6. Does “bulking” mean loading up on food from Bulk Barn?
7. Bulk Barn is a Canadian food retailer that sells a million different things, all of which you have to scoop and put in a bag, so it can be weighed at the checkout. You can also quickly sneak things into your mouth for a taste test and hope to not get caught.
8. If someone has an eye for talent, does that mean the other eye is closed?
9. If someone has an eye for talent, but wears glasses, do they have four eyes for talent?
10. When they refer to Casper as the friendly ghost, are they implying that all ghosts are normally unfriendly?
11. I had a piece of cake the other day. The last bite tasted like toothpaste. I now have trust issues with food. This is a nightmare.
12. Paul rhymes with Saul, but not Raul. This bothers me.
13. If guns don’t kill people, then how come people die when they are hit with a bullet?
14. Treat others the way you want to be treated is a really wordy way of saying, “Be nice to people, you jerk.”
15. Did I tell you that my friend Jess started a website to promote and sell her artwork? It’s the bee’s knees. Check it out HERE.
16. If you’re not entertained, does that make you exitained. I think it does.
17. Imagine if someone has a dream about you and you get to experience it in your mind as it happens, or on tape delay.
18. Did you know the macarena is actually a song about a girl who cheated on her boyfriend with two friends, while he’s being drafted into the army? Now you do. Childhood ruined!
19. Why do we have to call people “plus-sized”? Can’t we just call them a person? Because that’s what they are.
20. Rocking chairs are the best. Some might even say they rock!
21. Starbucks seems so elite.
22. Hearing “everything looks good” from a dentist is the most relief any of us will ever feel.
23. I had two juicy peaches today and I can’t stop thinking about them.
24. Have I mentioned yet that my friend Jess started a website to sell her artwork? It’s magically delicious! I think. Check it out HERE.
25. So, what happens if Donald Trump actually does make America great again?
26. When politicians stand in front of large crowds and point at specific people in the crowd, are they really pointing at someone? Or are they just doing that to not feel more awkward than they already feel?
27. You would think that “protractor” and “contractor” would be antonyms of each other, or at the very least, have something to do with tractors. But they don’t. Who do I talk to about this?
28. Who created the term “hip-hop” and did they ever think of calling it “hop-hip” instead?
29. I’m not a fan of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Sorry.
30. Just once, I want to see a couple take a picture of themselves when they are furious with each other and post it on social media. JUST ONCE. Then they can get back to their rainbows and unicorns.
31. Do fish feel like they are in jail when they’re put in a tank?
32. I’m craving a nice custard cannoli right now.
33. It’s Jess O’Clock once again! She has started a website to sell her fantastic artwork. It’s cooler than cool. Ice cold! No clue if I said that right. Click HERE.
34. If there ain’t no party like an S Club party, then why are people still throwing parties? It’s guaranteed to be a let down, no?
35. If the song, “Stacy’s Mom”, came out in 2016, how many people would have a problem with it?
36. Same goes for “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy.
37. The only people who say “aboot” are people who think they’re imitating Canadians, who don’t actually say “aboot”.
38. Imagine if the world operated while it was dark outside and as soon as the sun came up, that was a sign that it was time to go to sleep.
39. Thomas The Tank Engine was the man! Or, the tank. Either way, he was cool.
40. Dairy Queen chocolate sundae, anyone?
41. Last call. Jess started a website for her artwork. It’s better than a warm sweater in winter! CHECK IT OUT HERE.
42. I don’t like raisins.
43. If you see a kid picking their nose, doesn’t that just mean they care about their hygiene?
44. I will never understand how people can wear shoes in the house. I come home and leave my shoes at the front door. And no, inquiring minds, my feet don’t smell like the cheese on your lasagna.
45. I’ll keep asking this until I get an answer I’m satisfied with: Are we supposed to tweet forever? What’s the long-term plan here?
46. I’ve never had gum.
47. When I was a kid, I used mouth wash as hand soap at the dentist because I thought the big jug of green liquid next to the sink was soap.
48. Mr. Bean was a comedic genius. Not these actors who have writers feed them their lines on talk shows.
49. Just the thought of chocolate sauce on pancakes makes me sick. Fight me.
50. I burped really loudly at my baptism when I was a baby. The whole church laughed. Too much milk, I guess.