50 Thoughts

1. The new dance known as “the dab” is all the rage these days. However, it’s not new at all. We’ve just always referred to it as “sneezing into your sleeve”. The youth of today have no manners, I guess.

2. I thought I would be able to type out this blog post while listening to Season 2, Episode   7 of Serial. I was wrong. Sorry, Sarah Koenig. I’ll be back later.

3. The presidential election in the United States is hilarious. Almost every candidate reminds me of gum under my shoe.

4. Waffles for dinner is completely acceptable.

5. Murder, She Wrote needs to make a comeback! Jessica Fletcher was the best. All she wanted to do was write novels with her typewriter, but no! There’s been yet another murder in Cabot Cove and Amos Tupper can’t figure out who did it! I loved that show too much.

6. Bachelor Ben is going to pick Lauren. It’s been obvious since the second episode. Jojo is going to be shocked it’s not her. Then she will cry in a limo, while talking to a cameraman. She also won’t be wearing a seatbelt.

7. Sometimes, I wonder what the remaining presidential candidates were like in elementary school. So, I made a list, which will be revealed throughout this post. I won’t give names, though; I’ll let you guess.

8. Chris Harrison is the only person still on The Bachelor who hasn’t told someone he loves them. Actually, no one has told him they love him, either. Poor guy. Maybe next week.

9. If the name of your drink is more than two words long, I’m judging you.

10. One presidential candidate was the bully who took the pencil out of your hand and threw it in the garbage.

11. My friend (Bonjour!) and I get a kick out of hockey player interviews. No interview is complete unless they add a few deep sniffles between their cliche phrases. Watch for it. Oh, and they try to spit out as many words as possible while only taking one breath. Watch for that, too.

12. I want to know how the “Tickle Me Elmo” idea was pitched.

13. So many people took to social media to say “Happy Leap Day” on February 29th and “Happy March” on March 1st. Why do I feel like March 2nd is going to be the forgotten stepchild and receive no recognition?

14. One presidential candidate was the tattle tale who always said “na na na boo boo” during tag at recess. They would also cry when they dropped their sandwich on the floor at lunch.

15. Ever wonder how clean your toothbrush actually is? What if a bug crawled on it when you weren’t watching? I hope I just made all of you paranoid.

16. Why are kids so afraid of monsters under their bed? There is hardly any space under there. The monsters would probably be the same size as the kid. Fair fight, if you ask me.

17. Quinoa chocolate chip cookies taste like dirt. I don’t care who’s offended by me saying that.

18. One presidential candidate was the kid who brought a basketball/football/soccer ball to play with at recess and got mad when other kids touched it. The phrase, “That’s my ball from home!” is a staple of their lexicon.

19. Go read the book: The Postman Always Rings Twice, by James Cain.

20. Hostess CupCakes just ain’t what they used to be. They were my “go-to” snack, until they changed their flavour about ten years ago.

21. One presidential candidate was the quiet kid who was encouraged to come out of their shell and participate in class more often. They were also a daydreamer.

22. I’m still holding out hope that they bring back MSN Messenger. I haven’t sent a nudge in about three years and it’s starting to bother me.

23. There should be a way to funnel the smell of warm pizza through the vents whenever the furnace comes on. Who would say no to that?

24. Only a few weeks left until people proclaim that “Spring has sprung!” as if we can’t come to that conclusion on our own.

25. This is my caramel frappuccino macchiato al dente cinnamon twist sparkling lemon zest crunch grande cheese drink!

26. One presidential candidate was the kid who caught insects in an empty water bottle at recess and would put their face two inches away from the bottle to look at the insects inside.

27. I can really go for a custard cannoli right now.

28. Ou est la bibliothèque?

29. Do kids play scrabble anymore?

30. Two presidential candidates were the valedictorians who thought they were telling a joke, but really, they were just raising their voices and putting more emphasis on their syllables.

31. Family Matters had one of the best television theme songs ever. They should bring that show back.

32. What does Lady Gaga’s personal friends call her? Lady?

33. David Blaine hasn’t done anything lately, has he?

34. “Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite”. As if we let them. The phrase should really be: “Sleep tight, here’s a fly swatter.”

35. Someone recently explained to me what the new rewards system at Starbucks is. I spent two minutes trying to care, and will spend the rest of my life wondering why other people do.

36. You know you’re an adult when it’s been a really long time since someone told you to try and lick your own elbow.

37. Rulers are so full of themselves, aren’t they? Just so we’re clear, I’m talking about the school supply.

38. Super Tuesday is short for Super Size Me Tuesday, but people complained it was too big. Sorry, McDonald’s.

39. Can we put all the people who post nasty comments on YouTube in a room with hidden cameras, not tell them why they’re there, and just watch them mingle? I think it would be fascinating.

40. Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Fallon. James Corden. John Oliver. Stephen Colbert. Seth Meyers. Samantha Bee. Apparently, if you want to host a late night show, having a first name that starts with a “J” or “S” drastically increases your odds. Maybe I should change my name to Jaul or Saul.

41. It’s been a week and a half and I’m still marking out over Shane McMahon’s return on Monday Night Raw.

42. Can I have $1 Billion, Mark Zuckerberg? I’ll settle for $100 million, if your finances are tight.

43. Harlem Shake.

44. Instead of a ladder, bunk beds should have a pull-out trampoline that you can jump on in order to reach the top bunk.

45. Brownies with chocolate chips inside.

46. Out of everything we learned in school, snack time was probably the most important. It taught us to always find time to shove food in our mouth. I’m forever grateful.

47. Think you have it bad? Go listen to Skinny Love by Bon Iver.

48. I want a bouncy castle at my 100th birthday party. Whoever encourages me to jump on it will be written out of my will, immediately.

49. Dora the explorer seems a bit young to go backpacking. I thought you had to graduate from college first.

50. Happy March 2nd. The best number of the month. I’m biased.

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80 Responses to 50 Thoughts

  1. That Tiny Giant says:

    Funny! I did a post on sneezing too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That Tiny Giant says:

    Also, Saul is sexy. Jaul sounds like JOWLs. Old man jowls. Yikes.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That Tiny Giant says:

    Is your blog eating my comments!?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Alexandra says:

    There isn’t anything in this world that I appreciate more than randomness 🙂
    I just love how the human brain works. Thanks for this, Paul!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rebbit7 says:

    Literally, good (and hilarious) thoughts! Nice to see a Canadian poke fun at the American presidential elections; as an American, I agree, too, that they have gotten way too ridiculous to be taken seriously. At least they’re bringing in the ratings!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes!!! I love this!!!! When you were listening that super stupid long Starbucks drink name, I thought you were being serious till like mid way. Then I had an OOOOHH moment. “My balls from home” was one of the students I remember from elementary. He had the nickname homeballs till grade 10 lol! Love this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. peckapalooza says:

    “Almost every candidate reminds me of gum under my shoe.”
    That’s great! Can I steal that? Not for my blog, but in real life conversations with friends and colleagues? That is a brilliant summation of this year’s nominees.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Squid says:

    Great idea for a post, and it was laugh-out-loud funny! Seriously, I read a lot of it out loud to my family and we laughed! We now all think you’re amazing. “Who is this?” “Paul. He’s from Canada.” 😁
    Happy March 2nd!!!
    – Squid

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jess says:

    So number 10 is most definitely Trump. Without a doubt. Your thought process is like mine…all over the place! When someone asks me what I’m thinking, I don’t know where to begin.
    Also, since my name starts with a “J”, I guess my chances to have my own talk show is pretty high. I’d be thrilled to team up with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ericafuni says:

    The gum under my shoe is the best analogy. Also, love that you included The Bachelor reference (obviously).

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Elizabeth Helmich says:

    So much funny in this post I can’t even choose which to comment on. I must go with #1 and agree 1000%. What is that anyway? Enjoyed your prez candidate summaries, sound pretty spot-on to me. Bouncy castles & trampolines? I’m all in!
    My drink of choice is only word, but I promise I’ll try not to judge you because you still eat Hostess Cupcakes. I’m still giggling over #47, but try not to judge me because I love that song. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Haha I’ve had Hostess Cupcakes only a couple of times in the last 10-12 years just to see if they’ve gone back to their old taste. They haven’t :(. It’s a great song, no judgement at all! Thanks for reading and I’m glad you got a laugh out of this!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Elizabeth Helmich says:

        I certainly did, great post, and wonderful distraction. I may or may not have had a thing for Little Debbie’s Oatmeal Cream Pies, but now I make my own (much better!). You provided a very good community service today. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        I might just have to do another “50 Thoughts” post again some time!

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Barb Knowles says:

    #34 made me laugh out loud, of course. “As if we let them” haha. And the GOP presidential debates and craziness make me embarrassed to be an American. PLEASE don’t judge us by these people! I’m looking into how much my retirement pension will be taxed in Canada when I retire in 3 years. If Trump wins I’m out of here. There remains the problem of the Canadian “u” however . Decisions, decisions.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Miriam says:

    The smell of warm pizza through the vents … now that one tickled my fancy. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog and commented:
    A funny, yet thoughtful, post worth sharing. Enjoy.


  15. #15: So paranoid right now. But still I very enjoyable post! Randomness is the most fascinating subject.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. anshurao says:

    34, 3 2,16 and 48: loved them

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Mon ☠ says:

    I must read this post again! Although I am not quite sure what a Harlem shake is

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Oh to be in your head right now, Paul. And I thought my mind was cluttered! Glad you aired it out this way though, because now I know I made the right decision not to become a presidential candidate. Look at all the scrutiny I’d come under by you if I did. I feel much less under the microscope by just being your fellow blogger. Besides, number 26 is how I got my nose, just another reason why I withdrew my name from the race. Who knew ladybugs could do so much damage to a persons nose!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. gspottedpen says:

    Very hilarious leaving the humor to processed as an intellectualism. Anand Bose from Kerala

    Liked by 1 person

  20. LoL, it does look like they are sneezing!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Isabella Simons says:

    It is all so good. So funny and true. My favorite was number 1.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Lyndsi says:

    I’m a little behind on my reading, which is why I’m just now getting around to commenting on this. I think it’s hilarious. Your take on our presidential candidates is pretty much spot on, it is sort of funny… If you’re not the one stuck with them! The dab also confuses me, and I love in NC (although I refuse to dab). Anyhow, I’ve missed reading your posts!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Welcome back! If I were an American, I wouldn’t be laughing as much that’s for sure. It’s a circus. And let’s hope Cam Newton doesn’t read this comment!


      • Lyndsi says:

        Yeah, its really not funny. The only two that I really liked are out now… Maybe I should run, I mean I have good ideas lol. From what I hear, most people are planning on moving to Canada depending on the results of the election.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        “Lyndsi 2016 – I Have Good Ideas”..catchy! I’ve heard that too. Our election process lasts about 2 months, each party nominates their own candidate, and we vote once. We just elected a young and good looking Prime Minister too so people were happy.


      • Lyndsi says:

        Yeah I heard that he was hot haha. That sounds much easier, I mean this election started with about 20 republican candidates and now we are down to a couple, of which , Trump seems to be winning… You’re right, it’s a circus.


      • Paul says:

        Yeah, please knock some sense into his supporters.


      • Lyndsi says:

        Lol, I don’t know what will be worse honestly, him or Hillary. Maybe he will finally come out and say this has all been a big joke.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Paul says:

        That’s what I’m thinking! And Ted Cruz will peel off a mask and reveal himself to be someone else. I like Bernie Sanders, or at least his personality. I don’t know enough to know if everything he talks about would work or not but he seems like a real human being.


      • Lyndsi says:

        He does seem pretty real, I think he scares people because of his dislike of capitalism and his push toward socialism. We don’t like change haha. Yes I think that will likely happen!

        Liked by 1 person

  23. LosiLosLoco says:

    Great list Paul! 🙂 You got me to smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. #1 is so true! Once I sneezed into my sleeve and my younger brother shouts “dab”…. I was like what the… Now I worry young kids think I’m dabbing on the bus randomly when in reality, I’m just sneezing :/

    Liked by 1 person

  25. koreyo says:

    This is so funny and so true i love this and will make sure to read the other four.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Pingback: The Blog Posts That Made Me | The Captain's Speech

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