Nothing, Just Watching TV

Are we passed the stage where saying, “I don’t even watch TV anymore” comes across as cool and rebellious? Or, are we still there? I feel like we’re still there. And that’s not good, kids. It’s annoying.

I haven’t been to a movie theatre since 2012 and you don’t see me bragging about it. Until now.

I haven’t been to a movie theatre since 2012. I went with a few friends from school to see the first Hunger Games movie. It was a film about a month-long food fight that started in a high school cafeteria and ended at a mall food court. A lot of ketchup was shed during the battle.

Good film. I heard the sequel picked up right where the first one left off and transitioned into a food fight at a McDonald’s drive-thru. Spoiler alert.

I find that I don’t really remember what movies are about. I’ll remember some things, but if I didn’t take notes and you quiz me on a movie I saw a month ago, I’m doomed. And why would I take notes, anyway?

Also, when they hand out the award for “Best Picture”, I just imagine a bunch of highbrow individuals at a table sipping tea with their pinkies out. “Best Picture” just sounds so pretentious. IT’S A MOVIE. Call it a “film” if you want to get fancy. A “picture” hangs on a wall.

But, back to television.

If you say you don’t watch TV anymore, the next sentence out of your mouth better not be “I watch shows on Netflix/YouTube/(somewhere else) on the Internet.” Because if you say that, then you are admitting that yes, you still watch TV.

It’s like saying you don’t shower anymore, but still take baths. It’s the same thing. I think.

Speaking of baths, I soak in multiple television shows on a weekly basis.

Great transition, I know.

This is the part where you probably expect me to list the television shows that I watch to see if any match up with the one’s you watch. Nope, not this time.

Ever since I took a Media Studies course in Grade 11, I’ve watched television differently.

I now tilt my head at a 35 degree angle and close one eye, alternating eyes every five minutes.

I’m a bit more skeptical of everything I see. Especially if a news anchor is staring at me while reading a teleprompter.

Do they really care about the story they’re telling, or are they just really good at pretending, with all of their expressions, head tilts, and concerned stares?

I’ve sat in the audience of a live show before where, on-camera, the host seemed like everyone’s best friend, but off-camera, they were a nightmare.

I’ll never forget that. So, every time I watch TV and see an anchor reading off a teleprompter, I’m looking for sincerity. Can I take them seriously, or are they just putting on an act? Maybe a bit of both.

Every show I watch, I look for editing errors. I can’t help myself.

In one camera angle, Person A is scratching the back of their head. Half a second later, from a different camera angle, Person A has both of their hands on their lap. CAUGHT.

Hey, I know editing is hard. I know there will inevitably be errors. I just like looking for them.

And now I’m going to tell you my biggest television show pet peeve.

Okay, I need to set this up a bit.

When you have a cup of coffee and you place it on a table, there is a certain sound to it. A heavy sound. When you have an empty cup and you place it on a table, there is a different sound to it. An empty sound. I don’t know if I can explain it better than that. Try it at home.

In television shows, I’m well aware that if a character has a coffee cup, it’s probably empty. What bothers me is they don’t even act as if it’s full! The way they handle them is so carefree, especially when removing them from a drink holder that carries four at a time.

In real life, people are careful not to spill. Not in TV shows.

They take a fake sip, and then it happens. They put the empty cup on a table and it makes a clink. The type of clink that tells me it is an empty cup. A prop! That is my pet peeve.

I know, it’s dumb. It bothers me every single time, though. It just feels very high-school-drama-department to me.

I know it’s a prop. I know it’s an empty cup. But everyone on television needs to do a better job of making the cups seem real. It happens in many shows and I squirm on the couch every time.

MAKE YOUR COFFEE CUPS SOUND FULL.

Alright, you all think I’m weird, so let me transition into something else.

In the USA, you have the PVR, which records television shows. In Canada, we have the DVR, which does the same thing. The only difference is the size of the loop on the first letter. We extend ours into a “D”; you cut yours short and make a “P”.

Without a PVR, I don’t know what I would do. Actually, I do. I would have to watch shows live, as they happened. The only shows I watch live are sports, so those take precedence.

Sports are spoiled on the internet by a simple picture. TV shows require words in order to be spoiled (most of the time).

Therefore, I’ll record shows and watch them after a game has ended.

The fast-forward button has become my best friend. I can’t stand commercials. Sitting through them is the worst.

On a scale from 1 – millennial, I sound like a full-blown millennial right now.

Have you ever seen those commercials that zoom in on people’s feet and all the fungus growing on them? I have. Right after dinner, too.

WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT? I want names.

Really? If you’re going to do that, make sure the next commercial is for 1) carpets; or 2) stain remover. Because chances are the foot commercial just made me puke on the carpet.

I don’t know how to transition out of vomit covered carpets, so I’m just going to start talking about the show Extreme Couponing. (Hey, Jess!)

Have you seen this show? I don’t really want to describe it, but I will.

People get a bunch of coupons, go to the grocery store, buy $600+ worth of items, use their coupons, and exit the store after paying less than $15.

Where do they get the coupons? Everywhere. One family went dumpster diving on a weekend. Fun!

What do they buy? Everything. Thirty of everything.

One person bought diapers and baby food. They didn’t have a baby and they weren’t expecting, either. But hey, they got it at a good price. So, I guess it’s fine.

Maybe I’m the strange one for not having my own mini grocery store in what used to be my closet. All for the low price of “almost nothing”, too. I don’t know.

In conclusion…

“In conclusion” – every college student begins the final paragraph of their essays with these two words. 

In conclusion, TV is good. I like TV. It is entertaining. It makes me questions things. The sound of an empty coffee cup being placed on a table in TV shows bothers me.

There, a college essay-esque conclusion.

But wait, there’s more!

However, it’s not like I’m about to go watch a movie at a theatre with people who clearly don’t value the (precious) buttered popcorn they drop on every step as they try and find a seat, only for that popcorn to end up on the bottom of my shoes when I exit.

So, I’ll stick to the couch and the potato chip crumbs between the cushions. Thanks.

Bring on the couch potato comments.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
This entry was posted in Humour and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Nothing, Just Watching TV

  1. ericafuni says:

    YES to the empty coffee cups! Fill it with water if you need to – ugh

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Think of a tv critic as a side job. You will do wonders. 😉
    If people watch a lot of tv, they eventually become like this. Like, I really think so. I do the same but not on your level. Like, I do critic the direction, story, actors, the whole setting etc. If there is something that does not convince me n looks fake. That bothers me.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. rebbit7 says:

    Haha! This is hilarious, but also very accurate. I enjoyed the read, Paul, as I find what you say quite relevant to the shift of TV culture, from the silver screen to the computer screen. Things are changing, but television is still television. We’ll have to see in the next twenty years how it changes even more. Who knows??

    …and I’m also waiting for “smell-o-vision” to happen! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      It’s going to be really interesting to see what TV is like in 20 years! Only 10 years ago it was completely different than it is now. Ohh I’ve been wanting smell-o-vision forever, or at least the ability to share a smell on the internet for others to sniff haha

      Liked by 2 people

  4. It is right It is not interesting to watch a TV show or a movie and you can’t forget that they are acting but it’s an advanced stage to realize if the cup is empty or full
    I appreciate that

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Barb Knowles says:

    Ok, here goes. I’m one of those people who says I don’t watch tv anymore; I watch Netflix. Because what I really mean is that I watch sports and news on TV but the days of my memorizing which show comes on which night at which time slot when I might be sleeping anyway….those days are over. With Netflix I watch what I want, when I want it with no commercials. I realize they are television shows, I just don’t watch them on tv. I watch them on my kindle. So it doesn’t even seem like tv.
    I completely agree with you about the props. What drives me the craziest is the canned laughter on sitcoms. I don’t like sitcoms anyway, but don’t insult my intelligence so much that you have to tell me when you want me to laugh.
    Paul, now I’m in a bad mood and mad at sitcoms. Ha!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Blunderdad says:

    Hahahaha…. I can’t believe you notice the coffee cup thing! I notice when they have a coffee shop cup with a lid on it. Like you said, the way they sling it around gives away its emptiness. I mentioned it to my wife once and she didn’t even acknowledge as an observation worth acknowledging.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Paul says:

      Haha we’re one in the same. I remember we both once wrote “odes” as our first poems haha. Coffee cups need to be handled with better care in TV shows and more people should acknowledge it.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Blunderdad says:

        I can also tell if an actor is a true smoker or just faking it by whether or not they inhale or just suck cigarette smoke into their mouth and blow it out. Probably because I was a smoker for 25 years…. Just thought is fine you something else to aggravate you as you watch 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • Paul says:

        Ooo I’ve always wondered how much an actor might practice pretending to smoke if they never have. I’ll have to look for it

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Jess says:

    YES! I love shout outs! The coffee cup thing is a pet peeve of mine too. I remember watching 10 Things I Hate About You and that party scene where all the high school kids are drinking from beer cans drives me nuts. One girl tilted her head back so far as if taking a huge gulp and it was very clear she had no liquid in her mouth because she immediately started a conversation. LIES.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I’m much more selective about what I watch now. It must have pure entertainment value of 7.8 or higher (on the made up Jen scale I just invented). Or, be funny enough to laugh out loud and smack my husband’s arm while I catch my breath. True story. PS the entertainment scale rating does not equate to quality programing. I watch a lot of Top Ramen TV.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. The foley artist must have been asleep the day he was asked to do the cup thingy sound. And the actor waking up scenes, my wife always says, “Oh look she went to bed with all her makeup still on, and now she wakes up with every hair in place. That never works for me, What am I doing wrong dear?” To which I always respond, “I don’t know dear. All I do know is, is I removed all my makeup before bed, and my hair looks like a hamster got lost in my scalp!”

    Liked by 2 people

  10. amorefado says:

    TV is amazing…But in all honestly…I watch TV once every four months or so and that’s soooooo sad 😦 the last show I actually watched was Grey’s Anatomy 😐 I actually feel pathetic when people ask “Hey, did you get to watch this week’s episode of blargha blargha?” and I’m all “Uhhhh never heard of it” and they just stare at me like I’m an alien. Then I die.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. LosiLosLoco says:

    A few things.
    1) I don’t consider YouTube a part of television. After all, the TV is a device used to watch air-broadcasted programming. YouTube is an internet creation which just so happens to be able to be viewed on the TV if you have the means. Maybe I would say I’m not a traditional TV watcher. Not by any means.
    2) Sure, acting could be done a bit better on TV. Fact still remains that you’re watching the show. You must like it regardless of the annoyance. Don’t worry. I’m constantly annoyed by edit mishaps. Oh look! His tie is now in a different spot from 2 seconds ago! GOTCHA!
    3) Movie going is fun. But you have to enjoy the full experience. No need to really acknowledge the other people around you as much. The couch is fine too. But then again, I really don’t watch movies or TV or Netflix or YouTube or visual moving image entertainment anymore. No, I’m not a rebel. I’m just not motivated to watch and fully immerse myself in the content.

    Um… Forgot where I was going. Good article Paul. Enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

    Like

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