Talking To Myself

3:56 AM

If you’ve read my blog before, you probably know my name is Paul. If you haven’t, and this is your first time, welcome. My name is Paul. Feel free to squint at my name tag if you forget. I know how awkward it can be to ask someone their name after they’ve already told you.

I’m going to do something now that I don’t think I’ve done in the two and a half years that I’ve had this blog.

I’m just going to sit here and write. I don’t know what I’m going to say. I don’t know how much I’m going to say. I don’t know what my next sentence is going to be.

But right now, the only thing I feel like doing is writing.

Before I had this blog, such a thought would have made me laugh. “Who feels like writing?”

Writing was a chore. It was almost always associated with a late night, a box of donuts (to keep me awake), and an essay due the next morning.

And there was always stress involved with writing. Everything I wrote was receiving a mark, which told me how far away from perfect (100%) my hard work was.

So, did I feel like writing? No. Never. It was just something that was required.

None of that is true here. And by “here”, I am referring to WordPress. I am referring to this blog. I am referring to the community of bloggers.

Here, writing is liberating. It is a release. It is all of my thoughts exiting my body so I don’t have to deal with them anymore.

Almost every blog post I’ve ever written has given me some sort of joy, peace, or satisfaction, as soon as I hit the “publish” button. It’s a feeling I’m not sure I can explain beyond that. If you’re a blogger, you probably know what I mean.

Every single day, I’m amazed by the words that other bloggers write. Everyone has their own style. Everyone has their own reason for blogging. Everyone is different.

And yet, it feels like we’re all the same.

Just a bunch of keyboard tappers trying to find meaning in the words we write, while hoping others can too.

I’ve said since I started this blog that blogging is like talking to myself and then realizing that someone heard me.

I get that sense when I read other blogs. That they are just talking to themselves – working things out on their own through the words they write.

I started writing poetry on my blog a few months ago and expected a huge backlash of comments like, “Woah, why are you writing poetry?” I didn’t get that. I got supportive comments that I knew were genuine. That meant a lot.

My poems are a way for me to say things that only I will ever understand. Sure, people will read them and have an idea of what I’m saying, but it’s their interpretation.

Revealing my thoughts through poetry is like a magician revealing their tricks, but the audience still has no clue how it’s done.

That’s what I love about this.

In our world today, I get the sense that people are afraid to show emotion. People are afraid to cry. People are even more afraid to admit that they cry.

What’s wrong with that?

Why are we afraid to admit to something we’ve all done?

Everyone always complains about the negative posts and images on social media.

“I’m putting this picture of a flower in my status to break up the string of negative posts on my news feed because…etc. Who else will join me?”

SAVE IT.

That is my least favourite Facebook chain status in the world. You don’t need to post a picture of a flower and then tell me why you’re doing it.

If you want to post a picture of a flower, just post a picture of a flower!

Why do we have to explain why we’re being positive?

Another question: what’s wrong with being heartfelt?

Are we all scared of being labelled “soft”, “weak”, “emotional”, or “unmanly?”

Who really cares?

Words spoken from the heart are the most beautiful words any of us could ever contribute. We don’t do it enough.

We wait for special days, or holidays, to finally say how we really feel. To speak freely on social media. To speak from the heart.

Celebrities pass away and what do we see? We see a picture of them accompanied by some of their most profound quotes that force us to reflect, while we get a bit misty eyed.

Why can’t we read quotes like that on a daily basis? Why can’t we each create words that evoke that kind of response from others? We’re all capable of it. We don’t have to be a celebrity. It’s so much better than reading: “Hey look at my drink from Starbucks!” is it not?

I really don’t know where I’m going with this and I’m glad. That was the point of this post.

I’ve received some comments on my blog over the past few years that I’ve saved on my phone because they meant that much to me. They were the kind of comments that made me feel like the words I wrote really impacted someone else.

Also, random compliments from strangers. I like those.

Not compliments like, “Great post!” or “I really enjoyed this one!”. Those are nice, don’t get me wrong. But the ones I saved were some of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

Friends are supposed to compliment you. We expect that. Strangers on the Internet? They don’t have to say anything at all. But when they do, and it’s a compliment, I know it’s genuine.

The person I am is just a collection of small pieces I’ve taken from everyone I’ve ever encountered. I’m constantly evolving. Constantly learning. Constantly trying to understand everything I am not.

So when I read other blogs, I try to take something away from them. Whether it’s their writing style, a life experience, or their ability to crack two jokes in one sentence.

I believe our words reveal our heart.

That is what I try to do with this blog.

To talk to myself and then realize that people were listening. Not the other way around.

5:59 AM

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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63 Responses to Talking To Myself

  1. Brittany says:

    Reblogged this on BrittanyLee.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Issa says:

    It took you two hours and three minutes to write that…damn Paul you are improving ☺☺☺☺ are you sure that is a random post? Looks pretty straight to me

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Lili says:

    Keep writing! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. rebbit7 says:

    What a touching post, Paul. I’m glad that writing has become a passion of yours over the years; it’s also great to see that poetry has also become a part of your writing life. Definitely can be therapeutic and enlightening. Hope to continue to read them (as well as any post) later!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Beautifully said. I love that you are not afraid of appearing sensitive/weak/unmanly/emotional. There is something breathtaking about a man who is confident enough to speak his heart. It makes me think of King David. Or Jesus. Strong but gentle. Powerful but kind. Omnipotent and loving. Like our God.

    Thanks for sharing the inner workings of yourself with me; with us. We are listening ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  6. 🙂 Great job as always. I always feel like I’m talking to myself when I write my posts. One time, a friend asked me, “Why do you have to write a blog? Why can’t you just write in your diary?” And I was like, “Because I’m pretty sure that there is some stranger out there who resonates with my thoughts!” Haha. Your comments have definitely always picked me up!

    Liked by 3 people

    • Paul says:

      Exactly! There is always someone somewhere who can get something out of the words of others. You may never found my blog if I didn’t write that post about school a few years ago!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. THIS was why I followed you in the first place. You’re spontaneous, in your face, fun… and also deep. I’m sorry about that one time I skipped that last paragraph on one of your posts to leave a comment about how people don’t skim through the whole post, and I’m sorry. That was embarrassing. And this was a beautiful post, Paulo. (Bring Paulo back, please?)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I like to write from the heart too, Paul. But lately I’m beginning to think know one cares. I try to use words like aorta, left and right ventricle, pulmonary trunk, coronary arteries, and inferior vena cava, but seldom does anyone comment. If things don’t change, I might have to start writing from my computer desk. And if that don’t work, possibly writing thoughts from out of my mind. At least that would show me to be a risk taker.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Is it no, or know. See, look what happens when I start writing out of my mind, I can’t decide on what spelling to go with. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    I like it Paul and yes I am one of those keyboard tappers. I enjoyed the free thought a lot! You might need to express yourself in this way more often. -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Miriam says:

    Hi Paul, this is my first time here, courtesy of OM who I’m so grateful to. I’m also a keyboard tapper trying to make sense of my words and wanting to be heard. Writing in my daily gratitude diary just doesn’t cut it sometimes! It’s nice to resonate with others and connect. Love the way you wrote from your heart, I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Barb Knowles says:

    You have articulated in this post how I feel about writing as well. But it also occurred to me as I read it that stalking my stats (only a slight exaggeration) is like hoping for that good grade in school. I shouldn’t care about how my posts are received. As I press the publish button, I too feel the rush of pleasure that my post came out exactly as it should have. I frequently start writing about something specific that I needed to write or my own needs or reasons. And then find that it has gone off in a different tangent. But then I immediately check my stats.
    As to your comment about Facebook posts, the one that I frequently see but hate the most is the hit like and share if you want to hug me or really like me, or whatever the exact words are. I always think, don’t you like yourself?? You need that amount of reassurance? Then I wonder if that isn’t exactly what I’m doing when I look at my “likes” on my blog.
    This post really made me think. Not just about how much I like your writing, but how I look at my own.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Yeah I think a lot of us tell ourselves not to worry about the stats page or care about likes or views, but I think we do because we feel like we’ve written something really good and just want to share our words with other people. If our stats are low though, that doesn’t necessarily mean no one likes what we write – people just might not have seen it.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. jsackmom says:

    That’s how I write too random thoughts. The story appears in my mind and I get it out in print as fast as I can before it disappears like moonbeams. I’m glad I found your blog I’ll be back to read more. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age. Great post, Paul. Stay positive and keep that wonderful creative energy flowing.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. LosiLosLoco says:

    True words. I really love that last sentence. It’s true I feel. So much good can come out of not expecting. Stream of consciousness is a powerful thing Paul! 🙂 I think you’re doing a great job here! Seriously. And now, your poems make more sense. I suppose most poems are like that to an extent. They’re written for the person who wrote it and others make their own judgments of it. Bah. I’m rambling. Thanks for sharing! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  16. “Our words reveal our heart” this is beautiful and true. I don’t really have a comment. I’m just going to keep thinking about this phrase.

    Humor & Lifestyle// http://www.rebekahkoontzsite.com

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Em says:

    This is such a true and relatable post; keep writing! ^-^

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Paul, I love the humorous voice you have in your writing! Look forward to seeing more. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. IamSandraKristine says:

    reading every single words was like a journey to your heart! This is the beauty of writing, where everyone is free to reveal what’s in the mind and heart. I can feel you were pouring out your soul from the deepest of your emotions..

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Pingback: Have A Nice Read! #4 | ThoughtsOfaTrainwreckedPineapple

  21. I just felt like i read my own voice. Yes my own voice because i talk a lot and that’s one of the best ways i express myself. You write truly, i can’t smell any form of pretence. I already screen grabbed some of the sentences you wrote down, sentences that had things like “You don’t have to tell me why you posting a flower..” This particular phrase just reminded me of my greatest worry for the world now most especially my worry for we teens, how technology is completely making us live a lie. I am rather afraid that fake lives will soon be our real lives. I mean don’t we see how abnormal becomes normal overtime?
    Your writing truly has inspired me tonight. Great work👏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

    • Paul says:

      Oh wow, you’re too kind. Thank you! I agree with you about technology. I find that people post things to garner attention (or likes) instead of honest things that may not be well received. And in doing so, they are lying to themselves and distorting who they really are, to an extent. It’s a weird world! Glad you enjoyed this.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Pingback: Talking To Myself – Young Determination,🌟CYNOSURE➩➩➩

  23. Would you like to collaborate with writing poetry sometime?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Great stuff… Paul.
    Phew, nearly forgot your name.
    It’s so easy to read and hear your voice, and feel at ease. Such a beautiful skill.
    I remember that feeling of talking to myself and being heard by someone else during my blogging journey. Like throwing it out into the abyss, and realising you’re not alone, which is the kindest gift to give someone. Such a pleasure to have connected with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. aninditasinh says:

    This has been the best thing I’ve come across today, in fact, the best thing I’ve come across in quite a while. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, this really inspired me to continue writing, I’d sort of given up, for no apparent reason. So thank you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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