What’s Wrong With Vanilla?

I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice cream.

You know, I’ve never understood that. Why do we have to scream for ice cream? Are we chasing an ice cream truck? If that’s the case, screaming “Ice Cream” won’t make the driver stop. No. Perhaps we should chase after it with our tongue hanging out of our mouth.

We would look like dogs chasing garbage trucks! That would send the right message.

That’s another thing. Do dogs really chase garbage trucks? Or is that some made up thing in movies that we all just believe and never question? I’m serious. The garbage trucks around here stop at every house on the street. If a dog wants to chase it, it doesn’t have to do much. As I said, THE TRUCK STOPS AT EVERY HOUSE. It stops. There isn’t some “great chase” going on like Woody in Toy Story 1 when the moving truck…

I’m not myself when I’m hungry. Back to ice cream.

I like vanilla ice cream. There, I said it. Who wants to fight about it?

Apparently vanilla ice cream is considered “plain”. Sorry? I thought it was another flavour. An option. Something on the menu. A dessert I could order.

Why does it have to be the oddball? What did vanilla ice cream ever do to you?

I’ve been to restaurants with friends where ice cream is apart of our meal. They ask if we want vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. Almost every time, I’m the only one at the table who asks for vanilla!

And almost every time, people scoff at me. I’ve even had the waiter scoff at me! What did I do wrong? I’m just answering your multiple choice question! Don’t judge my likes and dislikes. We’ll be here all day if you want to judge those.

One time, a waiter brought out our bowls of ice cream. I got twice as much ice cream in my bowl than everyone else. I guess they had a lot of vanilla ice cream in stock and had to get rid of it? I don’t know. Probably. I benefitted greatly. That’s what you get for scoffing at vanilla!

I don’t particularly like chocolate ice cream, though if it’s mixed with vanilla or mint, I’ll have it. But by itself, meh.

More on mint ice cream in a minute.

As for strawberry ice cream, I’m not a fan of that either. As in, when the strawberry ice cream enters my mouth, I wish it hadn’t. I’m not even a fan of having vanilla ice cream with strawberries chopped up on top. I don’t need strawberries infiltrating my vanilla ice cream and messing with the taste.

And I say that as someone who doesn’t care when two different foods mingle on a plate. Though in this situation, no mingling! Leave space for the fork, or however that phrase goes.

Mint ice cream. I love mint ice cream. I love mint chocolate, in general. I don’t know many people that do and I don’t know why. I always thought mint was a universal flavour that everyone liked. Your toothpaste tastes like mint, why not your ice cream?

But back to vanilla…

We’re just flavour hoppin’ now.

If I want vanilla ice cream, I’ll have vanilla ice cream. Don’t tell me it’s plain. As if that’s going to make me feel bad and order something more complicated. I don’t see it as, “well why are you having vanilla when you could have (insert really great ice cream)” because, to me, vanilla is that really great ice cream.

Pause for laughs.

So what if it is plain? What’s wrong with liking foods that are considered plain? Why do people scoff at it?

I love the word “scoff” so much.

At school when I went to the cafeteria to buy a sub sandwich, sometimes I only felt like getting cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sub sauce, and the meats on the bun. I didn’t feel like toppings. And yet, every time, I felt like I had to get toppings so I wouldn’t look like a fool to everyone else in line, or the person making my sandwich.

As if there was something wrong with me if I didn’t want to load up my sandwich with onions, pickles, hot peppers, olives, and mushrooms, just so they could all fall out when I pick up the sandwich.

It was bad enough when all they had left was whole wheat bread and I had to reluctantly accept that as my meal. Whole wheat bread tastes like socks. It just does. Don’t tell me it doesn’t. Don’t tell me it’s healthy. Don’t tell me other lies you tell yourself. It tastes like socks. Don’t even ask me how I know what socks taste like. I just know, alright.

I digress. We can argue in the comments sections.

So I rhetorically ask, what’s wrong with vanilla?

It’s a flavour just like the rest, yet it gets no respect. And neither do the people that eat it! (I’m just trying to rally the troops with that last line.)

Who knows what the real scoop is.

Ha, an ice cream pun. Laugh.

Nothing is wrong with vanilla.