Paulo’s Kitchen: Soup

Ever think of something to write about…and then you actually have to start typing…at which point you realize that it could be an unmitigated disaster? Well, this could be one of those posts. You’ve been warned.

Hello, bonjour, bonjourno, hola, and ‘sup, fellow food eaters! Today my name is Paulo. Step into my kitchen!

Yeah. This has disaster written all over it.

I always like reading food blogs. Actually, I do more looking than reading. The pictures hypnotize me. About seven minutes ago I had this great idea to write a post telling all of you how to make food. A post where I would give step-by-step instructions.

Thus, Paulo’s Kitchen was born.

We’ll get through this together, I hope.

Today’s food is: Soup

Ooooooohhhaaaaaaaaahhh

We’re going to make some classic – and quick – Italian soup. Just like Nonna makes.

Step 1: Make sure there is already some broth in the fridge. (If there is no broth, make yourself some cereal and wait until someone in your family makes broth. Yeah, broth is kinda a prerequisite for this meal.)

Step 2: Assuming there is broth in the fridge, take it out of the fridge.

Step 3: Pull a pot out of the cabinet. A small one will suffice, you aren’t feeding a village. (You don’t have enough broth to feed a village.)

Step 4: Find a ladle (that’s kitchenspeak for “really big spoon”) and proceed to transfer about three to four ladles of broth into the pot. (The broth was sitting in a container waiting for you to ladle it.)

Step 5: Place the pot on the stove and turn up the heat to whatever the really hot setting is on your stove. Feel free to put a lid on the pot.

Step 6: Put the extra broth back in the fridge for later and go find soup noodles in the cupboard. (Today we’re using soup noodles that are in the shape of stars. They are very small.)

Step 7: Whip out your phone and kill time until the broth starts to boil. (This could take anywhere from five minutes to an eternity.)

Step 8: Take the lid off the pot when it starts to boil and pour soup noodles into the pot. Lower the temperature. How much? A bit. (Keep pouring the noodles until you think there are enough.)

Step 9: Grab a spoon and stir the soup noodles so they don’t stick to the pot. (Hmm, maybe we should’ve buttered the pot first to prevent stickage?)

Step 10: Depending on the noodle, it will either be a quick cook, or a slow one. In the meantime, put a bowl at your spot and grab the parmesan cheese in the fridge.

Step 11: Become impatient.

Step 12: Stir the soup again to look productive.

Step 13: Put some noodles on a spoon and taste to see if they are done to you’re liking. (Blow on it first or you’ll burn your tongue and end up in the hospital and won’t be able to speak for three days. Or you can be a daredevil; have an ambulance ice cube standing by.)

Step 14: When you think the soup is done, turn off the stove.

Step 15: Pick up the pot, grab the ladle, and pour the soup into your bowl. DON’T SPILL IT.

Step 16: There will be some noodles that hang on for dear life and won’t separate themselves from the pot. It’s like a kid on the first day of kindergarten. Pry those noodles free.

We have a No Noodle Left Behind policy here in Paulo’s Kitchen.

Step 17: Sprinkle some parmesan cheese into the soup. This isn’t optional.

Step 18: Eat the soup.

And there you have it, kids! Some seasoned water with extremely small noodles Soup! Hope you’re full!

There are no pictures. Just follow my instructions and you can’t go wrong.

Paulo’s Kitchen may or may not be picked up for a second post. We’ll see. Stay tuned. And stay hungry!

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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82 Responses to Paulo’s Kitchen: Soup

  1. Suri says:

    Oh God! I’m being impatient now! Gotta try this once! 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Issa says:

    Well apparently to my friends say I can’t cook so they always ask me not to burn the soup (Like am that bad that I will burn even water). And Paulo’s kitchen sounds like “Cook book for dummies” kinda place.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Mon says:

    “Step 11: Become impatient.
    Step 12: Stir the soup again to look productive.”
    Essential steps

    Liked by 3 people

  4. izza ifzaal says:

    Hahah I am not a hypertensive patient Paulo :p
    Do add some spices for the love of good! 😀
    Borth & noodles! You tryin be mr damsey 😝😝😜 ?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Tori says:

    Haha this was great! I have been obsessed with these types of posts lately..especially on YouTube! Have you watched my drunk kitchen? If not go do it ..Hannah is so funny!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Liz says:

    I like your recipe. Simple and to the point. I think we should call it “Noodle Soup” and have it published in a fancy cookbook.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. casondra2rey says:

    Lol!! Nailed it! Soup sounds good mmmm

    Liked by 1 person

  8. paigetheresa says:

    This post actually made me hungry. What the hell, body?! Here’s how we make soup in Paige (you’ll hafta just say it with a French accent, because I can’t spell it different to make sound moreso)’s kitchen:
    Step one – pot on the stove. Step two – take can of soup out of pantry. Step three – dump contents of can into pot and turn on stove step four – wait till it starts bubbling, pour into bowl and burn every taste bud in your mouth YAY SOUP

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Jessie Reyna says:

    Step 16 – perfection. Those stubborn little lads.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Little Rants says:

    I want more of Paulo! Lol. Specially when he says “get impatient” hahahahah. Dear God.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. rebbit7 says:

    I love how you play with conventions of food blogs. Haha, looking forward to future Paulo’s Kitchen posts!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Barb Knowles says:

    I’m glad you didn’t take wild risks like adding a vegetable haha. Do you generally have broth hanging out in the refrigerator?

    Liked by 2 people

  13. amorefado says:

    If I liked soup…This is the soup I would try.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have a rule that everybody must follow: Do not write about food without posting photos. LOL (see the LOL? That means you don’t need to ruminate about my comment. OK? LOL)

    Liked by 1 person

  15. anxietybug88 says:

    My best friend and I once made a spicy soup out of random ingredients we picked up at the grocery store, and everyone that tried it ACTUALLY LIKED IT. It was a huge success. We named it Super Hot Ingestible Tofu Soup. Check the first letter of each of those words and you’ll find the reason we never made it again. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  16. hmekeel says:

    Hahaha this is beautiful. I cook the same way, with mediocrity and impatience. ;p

    Liked by 1 person

  17. nakedshade says:

    any tips on how to make good pizza? he he

    Liked by 1 person

  18. George says:

    Glad you didn’t allow Parmesan as an option. It’s essential to this soup.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. The CIA is calling… no not that CIA!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. preetixd says:

    “There will be some noodles that hang on for dear life and won’t separate themselves from the pot.” Lol, this always happens :p Its less foodie more funny!

    Liked by 1 person

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  22. markbialczak says:

    I really have cooked generic broth with generic noodles and poured parmesan cheese on top. I tasted better than Ramen! You are onto a hit side blog here, Paul. May I suggest for the next blogisode English Muffin pizza made with American cheese and any jar of spaghetti sauce in the cabinet?

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Pingback: Paulo – Coming Soon | The Captain's Speech

  24. Miriam says:

    Had to check this out from way back. Needed to know what I was missing out on. And yep, can see why everyone loved it. Feel like I’m in my Nonna’s kitchen. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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