Y’all know what a subway is, right? The train that runs underground and causes a big gust of wind when it pulls into the station. Yeah, that. Not the sandwich place. I was not stuck on a sandwich. Get your mind out of the bun.
As the title of this post suggests, I was stuck on a subway. Yesterday at 9:30pm, to be precise.
I was coming home from a lacrosse game downtown, when all of a sudden it happened. The train stopped. The lights went out. The robotic voice came over the speaker system.
“We have lost power.” We what?
I exchanged a look of raised eyebrows with the lady next to me. Her eyebrows went higher than mine. I guess she was more surprised.
Panic immediately set in.
I thought, this is how I die. On a subway, underground, with no phone reception, no food, no washroom, and no idea if Looney June will be a success. Yes, this is what I thought about.
I started to sweat. The people around me started to sweat. A man ran back and forth, frantically waving his arms. The power was out, the lights were off, and the air conditioning was gone. I was in a crowded sweat box with people who smelled like last week.
How long are we going to be here? Who will save us? Where’s Ronald McDonald when you need him?
All valid questions.
Then my survivor instincts started to kick in. If we’re going to be here a while, we’re going to need food. I need to find the people who have food and become their friend. Because if someone asks for everyone to pool all the food together into one pile, no one will go for it.
Survival of the fittest, kids.
I scouted out people with large bags and told myself that in one hour I would get up and go sit next to them. Any sooner and they’d know I wanted more than to just “keep them company.”
I was also wondering when would be a good time to talk about the washroom situation. It amazes me that there isn’t a washroom on the subway. We are underground. That is basically the same thing as being up in the sky on an airplane. Airplanes have washrooms.
Within three hours we would have to address the issue. We would have to designate some sort of “relief corner” at one end of the train.
Now, this subway was one of the new ones. Which means it was just one long train. You could walk from one end to the other. It wasn’t divided into different cars. (I think that’s the term.)
Perhaps someone would give up their backpack so we could use it as a toilet. All for one, one for Paul all, right?
I was running through all of these thoughts in my head, while others were probably doing the same thing. We needed a leader. This was the subway apocalypse. We needed a leader to lay down the law.
A subtatorship, if you will.
As the minutes ticked by, we were still without power. With every passing second, my plan to move next to people with food was getting closer to fruition.
And then it happened. The lights turned back on. No one cheered. I think most of us thought it was the light you see when you’re about to die. Talk about anti-climactic.
Then God the robot voice came on the speaker: We have restored power.
We were saved.
I didn’t have to pretend to be nice to strangers, just to get three crackers from them.
We didn’t have to create a “relief corner” or sacrifice someone’s backpack.
The lady beside me could finally put her eyebrows down. At ease, soldier!
Everything was going to be okay.
Alright, so I may have over-exaggerated everything. However, almost all of these thoughts did run through my mind, initially! I guess I watch too many TV shows.
In reality, the train was stuck for ten minutes. We were parked at a station. The doors were open, half the lights were on, but eyebrows were still raised. I put earbuds in and listened to music because I’m a millennial, while the older people around me stared at me, thinking I was asleep because I was looking down at the songs on my iPod. True story.
Not even a day has gone by and I’ve already overblown this story. I can only imagine how I’ll tell this story in 25 years.
I have been waiting for the perfect opportunity to, as the Queen of Twits, induct you into my kingdom. Well, now you have gone & done it soldier. You are OFFICIALLY dubbed the Canadian Diplomat to the Kingdom of Twit.
And no need to worry. Should you find yourself incapacitated or otherwise distracted, we will hold onto the plan for Looney June. Pizza and all. Pizza for EVERYONE!!!
You twit.
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This is a dream come true. Thank you! 7 hours until we celebrate Looney June in our time zone!
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Yeah. Your crown will be in the mail tomorrow. I’ll post it first thing after having a BIG!!! HUGE!!! Looney June kick-off here in the neighborhood. You make me laugh, Paul.
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Excellent! I’m looking forward to it. Glad I can make you laugh!
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Good one haha! Why didn’t you think of pizza? Are you sure you weren’t the guy running around flailing his arms while screaming 36 HOURS UNTIL LOONEY JUNE!! 36 HOURS UNTIL LOONEY JUNE!!
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I’m not sure why I didn’t think of pizza! I would’ve probably cried if I did. They don’t deliver pizzas to underground trains. I might’ve been the guy running around shhhh….
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Haha That is a horrible feeling though. I was stuck on a subway once at night. It was only for a little while, but I kept thinking about the air conditioning. You’re right… I laughed out loud. 😂
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Do you actually think you will have ONLY this train story to tell in 25 years? I suspect that if you remain in that area for the next 25 years you will have lots more “stuck on the train” stories. Perhaps the next time it happens, (and there’s a very good possibility of a next time) you will think of pizza while running around the car flailing your arms with raised eyebrows a backpack full of human waste and an empty grocery bag. (:
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Haha you’re right! I’ll have so many more exaggerated stories that I’ll tell ahead of this one. I will definitely think of pizza next time.
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…and please continue to share!
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Great post! Very entertaining. I can relate, as I have been stuck inside the subway before. It’s a nerve-wracking feeling, even claustrophobic when there’s so many people stuck around you. It gets hot down there, and that’s not a good feeling…
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It sure isn’t. Last night it wasn’t too crowded and I had a seat which was good. I hate it when the subway is just crammed with people and it feels like you’re standing in a closet because you can’t move.
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I’ve been stuck on the tube in London, once. I can’t say there was any arm-flailing or thoughts of “relief corners.” I’m pretty sure Londoners are used to it. Happens a lot, they say. But I’ve learned some valuable life lessons from this post on how to make friends with the people who have food. If it comes to cannibalism, I’m safe. I only weight 89 lbs. I’ll be the last to be eaten. Unless I’m the last one eating people. Then it’ll be like some horrible Hannibal-themed Survivor competition show. Well, as long as I win.
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Haha glad you learned something from this! It’s survival of the fittest in these situation. I’m sure others won’t see you as a threat and will overlook you until you’re one of the last one’s standing.
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I preferred the over-exaggerated version 😜
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Haha so did I!
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Ten minutes on a crowded subway train can feel like a claustrophobic panic attack. You can’t overblow that too much.
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Very true!
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I was scared there for a bit and then started laughing. Glad it was not as dramatic as it could have been. I have never been on a train..or even a plane.. and not even a subway. I imagine if it was me though, I would of had a panic attack.
6pm Here, 6 more hours until Looney June. Yay! 😘
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I’ve never been on a plane either. I’m sure a lot of stress would be involved if I ever got on a plane.
I’m 4 hours away from Looney June! Other countries are already celebrating.
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I have my Looney June post in my drafts, waiting impatiently to be published Lol. Cant wait! I wish you could like make groups on wp so you can some what tag people in posts so everyone who is participating can read each others posts! 😄😄
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That would be ideal! I’m about the write my Looney June post and it’ll go up at midnight.
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Cant wait to read it! 😁😁
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Can I be the oddball and ask what we are all probably thinking? Ok, I will. You still have an iPod? Is it new? Do you even sell them anymore? Gosh, I thought since the iPhone emerged, iPods became a thing of the past. Now I regret selling my iPod! Sheesh.
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And by you I mean they. I didn’t think you sold iPods. Maybe you do. I don’t know you that well.
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I do not sell iPods!
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Haha are iPods really a thing of the past? I got an iPod nano last year. It was the first time I ever got a music player of any kind. I guess I’m old school. I like putting music on something other than my phone.
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Touché! I think I used that right, right?
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Right! I think.
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You’re funny. As eff. “Get your mind out of the bun” lol!
I can’t wait to hear this story in 25 years now 😛
Also, thank the Robot Voice that our Panda is safe! Loony June is on, yay!!!
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Hahaha I’ll have to blog about this story again in 25 years! I can probably write it now and save it as a draft until then. Panda is safe and sound. Got my Looney June post ready to go at midnight, so in 1.5 hours!
(I edited this post to fix your spelling of bun)
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Yesss!!!! Here🍕🍕🍕🍕
And I wish we were living in the same time zone! Gah.
(And thank you)
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How are the Looney June celebrations going in India? I’m picturing closed off streets of people partying and acting looney. Tell me that’s what’s going on…
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There are no Looney June Celevrations in India. Imagine. Ugh!!!!!!
But, I’m gonna wear a Bugs bunny tee today and hand out free candy:D to kids at work. You?
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NOO you’re supposed to lie and tell me it’s wild there! haha. I am gonna dress up like Daffy Duck and walk around town all day.
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Oh my God. Upload tons of pictures!!!! With a duuuuuckface. 😻😻😻😻
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Will do. Panda face in a duck costume is what I’ll be doing.
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Kim K duck face. Pleasepleaseplease.
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Never.
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I just imagined that actually. Oh. Em. Eff. Gee. 😂😂😂😂😂👍
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Just read Kim K is pregnant. Thought you should know.
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Erm. Did you have to go read that? And I’m totally flooding your post. 😀
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Yes, I did?? Yes you are!
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Should I shut up and go back to the rabbit hole? 😦
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Not necessarily. Just hang around for the Looney June post in an hour and go crazy in the comments on that one!
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Of course I’ll. 💃💃💃💃💃
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still a great read 🙂
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I’m glad, thank you!
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You were ready with your yellow and red cards if somebody else got too close to those food baggers first, weren’t you, Paul?
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You bet! My hand was ready to pull them out of my pocket at a seconds notice.
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Wagons. I believe the term is wagons. Anyway, dramatizing stories always make them so much better! This was hilarious, Paul!! 🙂
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Yeah I might do this more. Glad you liked it!
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👏👏👏👏👏
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Hahahahaha. This was hilarious. You would have had to sacrifice your bag, if the situation would have arisen. Afterall a ‘captain’ is the one who makes the greatest sacrifices. 😛
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Lucky for me, I didn’t have a bag with me to ruin! I’m all for making sacrifices unless I’m about to die on a train haha
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You were stuck in a sandwich dude
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All I could think was that mostly everything you said was what I do in such anxiety inducing situations. You make me laugh
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Haha subways can be scary!
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Thoroughly enjoyed this! 🙂 Thanks for the post
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haha glad you enjoyed it!
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