In Your Dreams

Sleeping is a bit weird, isn’t it? I mean, we just lie there for hours like a sack of potatoes. If we’re feeling dangerous, maybe we’ll roll over, or drool, or fall off the bed, or start talking, or go for a walk near the staircase.

We’re daredevils.

Everyone sleeps. Yes, even me. Apparently people can’t function without sleep. As in, it’s impossible to be awake every single second, of every single day of your life. How crazy is that?

Quick, somebody get the stat telling me how many years of our lives we spend asleep.

I’m not complaining, I’m just saying it to get a reaction. Are you reacting?

People have about the same battery life as cell phones. Imagine if people were solar powered? Oh man. We wouldn’t have all these hateful comments on the Internet because the people who post them sit in a dark basement where their computer screen is the only light source.

Zing.

In university I had the reputation of not sleeping. Well, when else was I going to do all of my assignments and study for exams? During the day? At night when sports were on TV? Ha, fat chance.

Sorry, plus size chance. Gotta be politically correct. Though isn’t “plus size” offensive too? 

I went some weeks with about twelve hours of sleep, total. My eyes had a burning sensation for five days, yet I did my best work. There’s something exhilarating about pulling an all-nighter and then walking to class feeling like a zombie. It’s almost like a badge of honour.

You can’t defeat me that easily, school.

During one of my weeks of very little sleep, something strange happened. I was sitting at my desk staring at my laptop and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep with my eyes open. I sat there and even had a dream. Not as in I have a dream…, but as in, I’m asleep.

Then I snapped out of it and woke up. However, the dream I had felt so real that I thought it was an actual event that took place in my life. Like it was a memory that I recalled and looked back on and thought: Yeah, good times.

That is how out of it I was. I fell asleep with my eyes open, had a dream, woke up, and then believed the dream to be a real life event.

Don’t try this at home, y’all.

Every time I have a dream, my mind is blown. I have at least one dream every single night and each one is like an improvised comedy show. The weird thing is, when I have a dream, I recognize that it’s a dream. If that makes sense.

It’s like half my brain is following the dream and the other half is like an impatient 10-year-old in a long car ride asking, “Are we there yet?”

My dreams seem to be a compilation of things I come across in my daily life that I only think about for one second. Those one second thoughts – of people, places, food, etc. – seem to be deposited in the same part of my brain and create a story for when I fall asleep.

Deep, I know.

The best dreams aren’t long enough and the worst ones go on forever.

Falling asleep, in the first place, can be hard. We just lie there planning out different scenarios in our head that will never come true. And then we realize these scenarios won’t happen and we get down on ourselves and feel so alone as we lie there like a sack of potatoes. Just me? Cool.

Also, sometimes I feel like I’m falling. Other people experience this too, I’m sure.

What baffles me is that one second we’re awake, and the next we’re asleep – basically unconscious. We don’t experience it happening, it just happens. I wish I could have a countdown clock in my head so I could count along: 3…2…1…SLEEP.

When I was younger, apparently I sleep walked a few times. How scary is that? If I tumbled down the stairs, how far down before I would “wake up” and realize I’m a human bowling ball? I’m thinking by step number five.

Also, I can remember a couple of times where I woke up and was yelling at someone. Not anyone sleeping next to me, but just a person in general.

Or sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night and my pillow was missing. Where was it? The other side of the room. Pillow fights with walls are underrated, okay.

At this point of the post I thought I was going to get into a rant about twin size beds, but I’ll save that for another day.

Instead, I’ll remind you that in your lifetime, you will eat about eight spiders while you’re asleep!

Don’t worry, Google says it’s a myth. Google is always right.

I said, don’t worry! Why’s everyone grabbing pitch forks and folded magazines?

Oh right, there’s a convention in town.

Anyways, goodnight, and I’ll see you next time…

…or in your dreams.

Note: If I do appear in one of your dreams, please comment below so I can have a good laugh.