Food For Thought

Hey there, fellow food eaters! Did you think this post was going to be about food because the word food is in the title? Be honest. I would think this post is entirely about food. Sadly it is not. Sorry to let you down. I’m just as disappointed.

It’s a shame, really. No one is ever thinking about food when they say “Food for thought.” Those three words are the ultimate get-your-hopes-up-and-then-crush-your-dreams phrase.

Why can’t we just talk about food? Everyone has thoughts about it. Why must the topic revolve around something other than food when we say “Food for thought”? Huh? WHY? Don’t play with my stomach like that.

This post is a potpourri of things. Ha, food puns.

Let’s talk about the selfie stick. Briefly though, I might lose brain cells.

A whole generation is going to grow up not knowing what people did before the selfie stick was invented. You realize this, right?

You gave your camera to a stranger? What if they ran off with it?

Yes, that’s right. Whenever we wanted to take a group photo we scouted the area for the nicest looking stranger, who also looked like they knew how to take a proper photo.

We put our expensive camera in their hands and then they backed away from us. They could’ve ran away, or smashed it against the ground, but they didn’t because people can be nice.

And then we would live or die with the photos they took. If it was a poor photo, we wouldn’t know until we got the film developed. Yeah, I’m a 90s kid and know what that is.

Instead, the selfie stick eliminates the need to scout out a nice stranger with photography skills. The selfie stick ensures that almost every photo you take will be from an upwards angle about four feet away from you. How nice. Might as well have a guy on stilts take your photo.

Also, you look like you’re flying a kite. I’m sorry, it had to be said.

Say cheese.

Moving on. Let’s talk about car commercials.

Ever notice that there are never any cars on the road in car commercials? Are they telling me that if I buy their car, I can have the road to myself? If that’s the case, I’ll take three cars please!

If I were in charge of marketing, I’d put hundreds of the same car on the road, but in different colours. That way they can say “Everyone else drives this car, you should too.” The power of peer pressure.

Also, why do they show the outside of the car so much? I’m driving the car. I never get to see the exterior while I’m driving. Show me what things look like from the point-of-view of the driver.

Moving on. Let’s talk about omnivores.

Why don’t people ever introduce themselves and say they are an omnivore? Is it not socially acceptable? I mean people introduce themselves all the time by saying their name, where they’re from, and that they are vegan/vegetarian.

Why don’t omnivores do the same thing? It’s time to start an omnivore revolution.

I’ve never understood why someone instantly has to tell people what they do or do not eat. It’s like saying they brush their teeth before bed. Or that they own a bathrobe. What happened to telling me your favourite colour?

Do I really need to know your vegan and hear you explain what the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian is? People can eat, or not eat, whatever they want. I won’t judge. But why are you telling me this?

Moving on. Let’s talk about weathermen.

Weathermen are always standing outside telling other people to stay indoors. Tornado? They’re outside. Flood? Outside. Hurricane? Outside. Tsunami? Outside. Twister? Outside. Apocalypse? Outside.

They’re such hypocrites! And then when they throw back to the anchor in the studio, the anchor always says “Be safe out there!” Gee, how thoughtful is that? “Be safe out there!” How about, “Get yourself indoors!”

Moving on. Let’s talk about feet. This is gonna get nasty.

Who’s wise idea was it to approve of callus removal commercials on television between 5PM and 7PM? We all just had dinner! I don’t want to look at extreme close-ups of people with calluses on their foot or fungus growing between their toes. I’m going to throw up. I’m gagging just typing these words. This is nonsense!

I don’t know how foot products are supposed to be marketed in a non-disgusting way, but during dinner time is not one of them. Put it on at 4AM and hope you hit your target audience, and spare the majority of us. Thanks.

See, don’t you wish this post were just about food? I know I do.