A Large Pizza Just For Me

Allow me to take a minute, or eight, or however long it takes you to read this, to talk about something near and dear to my heart, and stomach. Onion rings! Just kidding. Boy, wouldn’t that be a plot twist! I can’t stand onion rings. Yeah, gasp away.

Seriously though, I’m going to talk about pizza now and you will get hungry.

My favourite food is pizza. Is that a politically correct statement for someone in their 20s? By this age, I feel like people expect us to have some fancy food as our number one. Maybe I’m jaded.

When I was in Grade 3, my teacher had everyone in the class put something in a time capsule. It was a sheet of paper with our photo on it and a couple of sentences we had written. I forget what I wrote, but that’s not important.

In Grade 8, this teacher stopped by our classroom with the time capsule. The first thing she said to me was, “Is pizza still your favourite food?”

But she said it in a way that made me second-guess myself. It was almost as if she was asking me if I had come to my senses yet and declared a different, more adult, more fork and knife style food as my favourite.

I thought about it for a second and replied, “Yes!” Pizza was still my favourite food.

Of all things, why was that the first thing she asked me?

I don’t care anymore. I love pizza.

I’ve gone to Pizza Hut lunch buffet multiple times, sometimes by myself. Why? I have no shame. I’m there to eat pizza. Am I mandated by law to attend a restaurant with at least one other person at all times? No? Alright, then I’ll go eat at Pizza Hut lunch buffet whenever I want.

Papa John’s Pizza is definitely in my Mount Rushmore of pizza. Look at that, I have a Mount Rushmore of pizza. I may have issues nothing wrong with me, at all.

I was only introduced to Papa John’s when I moved away to University. They don’t have a Papa John’s where I grew up. I missed out big time. And ever since I’ve graduated, distance has definitely made the heart grow fonder.

Yes, I’m aware that last phrase isn’t typically associated with food. Sue me; please don’t.

One of my strangest encounters with pizza was one night back in third year, or maybe it was second year. I don’t know, pizza memories are blurred together with cheese.

My friends and I ordered from Domino’s Pizza late one night. We each got our own pizzas. Mine was probably large. I open the box and what do I find? My pizza, obviously. But beyond that, the pizza wasn’t cut! It was just a giant circle! No slices!

I thought it was a prank. I was speechless. My pizza isn’t cut. Who doesn’t cut a pizza? That’s not even an option!

“Would you like us to cut your pizza into slices, or just leave it?” – No one.

I’m not the type of person to get mad over stuff like that. I laughed for a while. Some people would have probably got on the phone to complain until they were given an apology and a free pizza the next time. I’m not that kind of person. They forgot to cut the pizza, fine. It’s not like there was hair in it.

No hard feelings, Domino’s!

So I go get a butter knife, because I didn’t have a chainsaw readily available, and cut the pizza into proportionate slices.

Hey all you prospective college students who are moving out of your parents house, pack a pizza cutter! You’ll thank me later.

It’s like they say, “Come prepared, or be ready to use a butter knife to cut a pizza.”

Great quote.

Just writing about pizza is making me hungry. It’s 4AM and if you put a pizza in front of me right now, I would stop typing this blog post, ask you where you got the pizza from, how you found me, and report you to someone, all the while eating the pizza you so graciously brought me. Thanks.

Toppings, let’s talk about toppings.

Cheese pizzas are plain, except at this one restaurant I go to.

I like a classic pepperoni pizza. You can add green olives to it too.

Another combination I like is pepperoni, green peppers, and sausage. Oh man, Papa John’s did this the best.

By the way, I hope you’re taking notes.

I also like the mushroom, green peppers, and anchovies combination. Yeah yeah, anchovies get a bad reputation, but in the comfort of your own home they aren’t that bad.

Garlic dip for the crust. I don’t know what I’d do without the dipping sauce.

As for stuffed crust pizza, I hate it. The crust is a sacred part of the pizza. It’s the handle! Don’t go in there putting ingredients where they don’t belong. It’s like putting a pumpkin outside your house at Christmas.

No clue if that last analogy made sense.

While I’m rambling, I should mention that never do I ever fold the pizza slice over and eat it. I don’t understand why people do that! Someone explain it to me. If I wanted a sandwich, I would’ve just had one instead.

If I’m eating pizza, I want to feel the top layer of my mouth digging in to the top layer of cheese and toppings. I want to feel it! I will not compromise flavour for convenience, and fold up the pizza. What is this? A newspaper you put under your armpit?

Come on.

I can’t wait for someone to comment on how folding the pizza slice is a legitimate technique and should be treated with respect.

Oh, the useless debates I get myself into.

Pizza is a funny looking word. Look at it.

Pizza is breakfast. Pizza is lunch. Pizza is dinner. Pizza is a snack. Pizza is delicious. Pizza is a friend. Pizza doesn’t ignore texts. Pizza…okay, this is going way too far.

Pizza is life. A bit of a stretch? No. Never.