I Can’t Believe My Eyes?

What colour is this dress? Black and blue. What? You think it’s white and gold? Ha, you’re crazy.

A few hours later. 

Why is it changing colours? SERIOUSLY WHY IS IT CHANGING COLOURS? The dress IS white and gold. Final answer. 

Wait, maybe this website changed the picture to fool me. Nope, it’s white and gold everywhere. IT’S WHITE AND GOLD.

No it’s not. Wait. It’s changing back to black and blue. Stop it. Stop it. 

The dress is black and blue. Final answer?

So much for “seeing is believing”, right?

I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like I’ve been through a traumatic experience and all I did was look at a dress on the Internet.

From this moment forward, we can just say “The Dress” and people will know what we’re talking about. There will be no need for a question like, “what dress?” No. People will know “The Dress.”

This is crazy. I know we’ve been through Internet phenomenons in the past. I’m talking about campaigns like Kony 2012 (what ever happened with that?), and a bunch of videos on YouTube that went viral – double rainbow. Or maybe it was a triple rainbow?

HEY, WHAT COLOUR WAS THAT RAINBOW?

Sorry, colours have me confused right now.

Remember that twerking video of that girl who crashed through a coffee table and set the herself on fire? Remember how Jimmy Kimmel was behind that? And he was also behind another stunt at the Olympics? What if he is somehow behind this one too?

I’m just throwing that out there for the 0.001% chance I’m right.

I’ve read the scientific reasoning for why we’re all seeing something different. I’m not smart enough to explain it. I was never good at science in school. Ironically enough, I scored my highest mark in Grade 7 Science on a test about, you guessed it, colours.

I was sitting on the couch tonight when my sister asked me if I had seen something on the Internet about a dress that people couldn’t agree what colours it was. I told her I hadn’t and that I’m normally three days behind on Internet fads.

Out of curiosity, I looked it up. I instantly saw black and blue. There wasn’t even a doubt in my mind. My parents saw white and gold and thought I was nuts. So then I thought, oh it has to do with age. NOPE.

Then I watched a hockey game and the season finale of How To Get Away With Murder and looked at the picture again. The dress was white and gold. Now by this point, I had already learned that the dress is actually black and blue. That is a fact.

But here I was staring at something different. I started thinking of conspiracy theories and thought every website on the Internet had made the image brighter, or had photoshopped in white and gold. Then I started comparing photos from different websites.

I can’t believe I’m even writing about something this far-fetched.

It looks (ha, looks) like I’m in a disloyal relationship with my eyes. I don’t know how long my eyes have been lying to me. This is the first lie I have caught them in.

I don’t have the greatest vision. I need glasses to see objects far away. That was another one of my conspiracy theories. Maybe it has to do with if you’re near-sighted, far-sighted, or have eagle eyes. Again, NOPE.

See, this is why I’m not a doctor, or an optometrist.

As of right now, I look at the dress and see a Blue and Gold dress. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN ONE OF THE OPTIONS.

I started at black and blue. Then I saw white and gold – the “dark side” as my friend called it. And now I’m somewhere in the middle – blue and gold.

Again, I can’t believe I’m writing about this. Just when you thought you had seen everything.

And I thought the major “unlikely story of the day” was about those two llamas that stopped traffic. Those animals were put on national television. I haven’t seen a car chase on TV in a long time; that escapade made up for it.

The llamas must be pissed they are now the second biggest story of the day. They’re getting bumped for a dress.

Or maybe the llamas were a sign of things to come. After all, there was a white llama and a black llama. Does anyone see a white and black dress? If you do, alert someone. You may be in danger!

See, now I look at the dress and it’s black and blue again. I’m almost expecting to wake up tomorrow and see vertical lines on the dress, rather than horizontal ones.

By the way, the dress is kind of ugly, no? Ladies, chime in. As a guy, I don’t think that’s a good looking dress, but hey, PICTURES CAN BE DECEIVING.

If you’re a teacher and you have to teach your students venn diagrams, this is how you do it. White and gold on one side, black and blue on the other, any other combination in the middle.

Those kids will never forget the concept. Trust me. First recess tomorrow will be jumping with kids talking about the colour of that dress.

The world is amazing. That’s what I take away from this. Anything, literally anything, can go viral and have everyone freak out about it. For once, we weren’t all talked about violence, or brutality, or race, or anything of that nature.

We came together to talk about a dress. A dress. We’re talking about a dress, man. Cue Allen Iverson.

All I know is I don’t want to see a black, blue, white, gold, yellow, red, turquoise, pond brown, or any other coloured dress again any time soon. This has been enough “dress talk” for one year. Maybe a lifetime.

Anyways, I’m going to go crawl up into a ball and rock back and forth now.

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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5 Responses to I Can’t Believe My Eyes?

  1. Lol I actually think that if saw the dress worn on someone, it would look pretty ❤ But yea what a debate!

    Like

  2. Little Rants says:

    *gouging my eyes out.*

    Liked by 1 person

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