…and I still don’t know what I’m doing, apparently. I wanted to write something special to commemorate my 50th post as a blogger. So I did. Monday morning at 3AM, I wrote it. I never posted it. I couldn’t post it. It was terrible. All 1253 words of it. Garbage. I was not going to publish that. Man, just when I thought I had gotten the hang of this blogging thing too. So, for the time being, that post will remain in blogger purgatory – a draft, unpublished, and unseen by the eyes of people who would probably tell me, “It wasn’t that bad”. For now, we’ll refer to it as, the “other post”. This is my second attempt at my 50th post.
I started this blog on June 23rd with no expectations. The idea was to create a sports blog. Here’s a tip, if you want to create a sports blog, don’t do it in the middle of summer. There aren’t any sports on, except baseball. And there are only so many things you can write about before you get bored. I got bored. I had to evolve.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what I was doing in the early days of this blog. I go back and read my first few posts and don’t even recognize what I see. I wasn’t letting my voice come through. I was trying too hard. I was trying to sound too professional, as if what I was writing was going to be submitted to a professor. Words weren’t my own. Sentences didn’t sound like me. Paragraphs were too long. I was doing it all wrong.
I published twenty-one posts, before I got it right. My twenty-second post was perfection. If you want to read a post that is strictly raw emotion, I Miss School, Already is the one for you. The words in that post didn’t come from my head, like the previous twenty-one posts did. No. The words came from my heart.
I didn’t sit down at my laptop with the intention of writing about missing school. It just sorta happened. And I’m glad it did. Not only was it featured and introduced me to a larger audience, but it allowed me to find myself as a blogger. I finally cracked the code and figured out what blogging was really about.
It’s about saying what you think and translating your feelings into words. It isn’t about planning ahead. It isn’t about sticking to an outline. It isn’t about sticking to a word limit. Or counting how many sentences you have in a paragraph. Or strategically placing a thesis statement. None of that fancy stuff.
Blogging is the opposite of what I was taught in school. Here, there are no rules. Say what you want to say. Don’t worry about meeting requirements. Just write. And since my blog was featured, that’s exactly what I’ve tried to do. I’ve allowed topics to come to me, rather than go searching for them. (That being said, I’m always open to blog ideas!)
When everyone else is asleep, I write these posts. In a future entry, I’ll delve deeper into my late-night habit. But for now, just know that this is the time of day when most of my ideas come to me.
The bloggers I have interacted with over the last five months have been outstanding. There is a small group of you who always “like” or “comment” on my posts. Just so you know, I appreciate it. I feel like we’re a family, yet we don’t even know the sound of each other’s voice. Just the sound of each other’s thoughts. Now I just made us sound weird…
To have my blog viewed in over 100 countries has been overwhelming. For the first two months, not many people were reading what I wrote. I asked myself many times if maintaining a blog was worth the eight daily views. It wasn’t fun. But I’m glad I stuck it out.
To my friends who have been reading since Day 1, I can’t thank you enough. I know it’s not always easy when someone comes to you and says, “can you read this?” But you did, and I’ll never forget it.
Early on, I didn’t post every entry on Facebook. I didn’t want to seem like I was looking for attention. I didn’t want to clutter anyone’s news feed. I just wanted people to know what I was doing. Now, I post almost every post on Facebook because I know at least one person cares. And that’s good enough for me.
Friends that I haven’t heard from in a long time, have reached out to me with kind words. I must figure out another way to say “thank you” because those two words are becoming too cliche for me. Maybe I’ll send out Christmas cards. Nah, who am I kidding?
Before I conclude, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this…
When I was featured on Freshly Pressed, I received numerous messages from people who reflected on their days as a student. I also received messages from current students – ones who were having a hard time enjoying the experience and fitting in. One message really stood out.
It was from a girl, located on the other side of the world. She said, “You saved the rest of my college life.” Just seeing those words again, gives me goosebumps. Those are eight words I will never forget. They inspire me every time I sit down and write in the middle of the night.
I never thought that anyone would care about what I write. Or that people in different countries would find comfort in my words. But to receive a message like that, from a complete stranger, meant more than words can explain.
That message, and the last five months as a blogger, have taught me to never underestimate the power of words. To you, they might just be words. To someone else, they might mean a whole lot more than that. The only way you find out is by saying something. If you don’t say something, your words are powerless.
I’ve enjoyed writing this post. The “other post” wasn’t as satisfying.
It was written in english, but it was foreign when I read it. I had gone back to my old habits. I was trying too hard. I was thinking about paragraph 8, before I had finished paragraph 2. The only thing coming from my heart was blood, not words. It was too artificial and I hated it. I refuse to publish something like that.
It was not me.
50 posts later…this is me. And this will be published.