“What’s Wrong With You?”

I’m often asked that question when I reveal to someone that I have never had a certain food or that I don’t enjoy a television show as much as they do. I don’t think I’m sheltered, I just have different interests and tastes. People are so judgmental. Welcome to Earth, I guess.

I don’t know how else to write this post without using a list. So here’s a list…for about my 4th post in a row. I guess that’s my “style”. This is a list of things I don’t like/enjoy, but other people think I’m weird for not liking/enjoying these things. This should be a doozy.

Some of the things I list may make me look like a picky eater. I can assure you I am not a picky eater. Ask my Nonna. We all have things we don’t eat…mine are just more uncommon than yours.

WARNING: The following things may offend you and shake you to your core. I don’t care.

1. I have never watched an episode of Pokemon in my life. Pokemon cards? I still don’t know what’s so great about them. I can already feel the wrath of Pikachu lovers breathing down my neck.

2. I have never had chocolate milk. Why would I?

3. I don’t think The Big Bang Theory is a funny show. I think I have a great sense of humour. I’ve been told I’m funny. I’ll laugh at things that are borderline funny. But, The Big Bang Theory? Never. They try too hard and the stuff they say only seems funny because of the laugh track in the background every three seconds. Watch that show without the laugh track telling you what’s funny. You won’t laugh. And if you do, well then I don’t know what to tell you.

4. I’ve never had cotton candy. There’s something about putting something that looks and feels like cotton balls, in my mouth, that I have never been able to get over. I don’t care if it melts in your mouth. I eat with my eyes first, and my mouth second. You should too.

5. I’ve never had ice cream cake. Long story about this one; I won’t get into it.

6. I’ve never had Nutella. I think it looks disgusting and should never be smeared anywhere, let alone on bread.

7. I don’t like caramel. Man, I’m just abusing all the dessert-related food. Too sticky.

8. I like mint chocolate. It is just so much better than regular chocolate.

9. I’ve never had alcohol. Not a sip. I’m proud of that.

10. I think Lord of the Rings is extremely boring. Believe me, I’ve tried watching. I couldn’t follow what was going on and gave up very quickly. Maybe if no one told me they were three hours long, I’d have a bit more patience. But hey, I know the term, “hobbit”. Isn’t that enough?

11. Movies don’t really excite me. Spiderman, Batman, Star Wars etc. Sorry, not interested. I remember when they used to have a Pizza Hut and sell personal pan pizzas at the theatre near my house. I was equally excited for that, as I was whatever movie I was watching. I’ll defend Pizza Hut eight days of the week, so don’t even bother debating this.

12. I don’t like wraps. I have tried wraps. I didn’t enjoy them. I just don’t understand them. They are like a carpet that you roll up without removing anything from it. Give me an Italian bun from the bakery, with prosciutto, and I’m set. None of this carpet in my mouth stuff.

13. I’m not a big fan of Fruit Punch. I had it a lot as a kid playing road hockey. Parents would bring it out for everyone. I would drink it because it was a cold drink. Did I enjoy it? Not as much as if it were Apple Juice or Orange Juice.

14. I’ve never had sushi. Some of you probably just screamed and punched a hole through your computer screen. For those of you still reading this, I have good news for you. You don’t have anger issues, yet.

15. I like Orange Juice with the pulp. I enjoy it without pulp too, but prefer it with the pulp. Unfortunately, I have deduced that Orange Juice gives me sore throats. After all, we are our own best doctor. Therefore, I don’t drink it a lot anymore.

16. What’s the fascination with peanut butter and chocolate, together? I eat that and I feel like my throat is closing. Like a one way street, with six feet of snow on top of it, waiting for a snow plow to clear the way. Mixing nuts with chocolate and peanut butter just multiplies the issue. So yeah, I’m the guy who doesn’t drool over Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups like a wild animal.

17. I don’t like ketchup chips. Let’s extend this further. I don’t like ketchup on burgers or on hotdogs, either. However, I like ketchup. I’ll put other condiments on hotdogs and burgers, but not ketchup. Maybe I’ve had ketchup with fries too much in my life that I can’t spread it around to anything else. Who knows.

18. I’m not a big fan of bacon. The only bacon I enjoy is the one my Mom makes because she knows not to makes it crispy and crunchy. “Oh, but crispy bacon is the best!” Not to me it isn’t. No flavour. Too dry. And it’s crunchy? Chips are crunchy. I like my bacon on the softer side.

19. I’ve never been to a concert. Sure, I enjoy music, but not to the extent that I would go watch people play songs live. I’ll look up live concerts on YouTube if I’m interested. And besides, I’m more of a “bird’s-eye view” kind of person anyways. There is no bird’s-eye view at a concert where you can just sit and enjoy. At sporting events, I’m far happier sitting where I can see everything and just observing, than I am if I were sitting in the front row. The first row is overrated. I’ve gone off topic now. Concerts, never been.

20. I don’t drink warm beverages. Coffee, tea, hot water, hot chocolate. None of that stuff. If I want something hot, I’ll have soup. That’s basically seasoned water, right? I tried coffee when I was ten-years-old and didn’t like it. I know I was young, but I have no urgency to reintroduce my taste buds to coffee.

Well, that is all I can think of at the moment. I’m sure there are more things that I don’t like or haven’t done that seem weird to other people.

Am I stubborn? Probably. But that’s who I am. Not everyone can like everything, right? That’s what makes people unique. If everyone liked the same things, how else would we practice our debating skills in real-life situations?

I’m not the only one out there who is like this. So, if you’re reading this, leave a comment and let me know what things you do, or don’t do, that make other people raise their eyebrows at you.

So, to answer the question in the title, I say, “absolutely nothing.”

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About Paul

This is the part where I'm supposed to write something interesting about myself and you'll read it and think, "That's not that interesting." So let's not do that and just think about pizza instead, on the count of three. One, two, three. Donuts. Now, wasn't that interesting?
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7 Responses to “What’s Wrong With You?”

  1. Lmfao! I died reading this and I can understand everything and why! Oh btw, chocolate milk, your not missing much. One of its key features is to give you the major case of the shits. Avoid public embarrassment trust me, unless your constipated and in the comfort of your own home! LOL. And just a question.. Are you a paisano? Number 12 he he 😛

    Like

  2. Alexzandra Goode says:

    Finally another person who doesn’t eat ketchup with everything. Ketchup is intended for fries, not sandwiches or pasta or EGGS… Ew! There is a lot of stuff on there that does make me think ‘wow, I could never imagine not liking that.’ But at least you’ve tried 99% of them first. And then to each their own.

    Like

    • Paul says:

      Yeah, I have nothing against anyone who has the things that I don’t like. Just a matter of personal preference. And thank you! I will never understand the ketchup with eggs phenomenon.

      Like

  3. Richard Woroniuk says:

    I don’t like hot beverages either!!!

    Like

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