Now, before you start scoffing at the title and think that I’m going to be talking about a cheesy way to get to know your friends, you’re wrong. So save your scoffs, and trust me.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that we all have friends. Whether they are best friends, close friends, people you stay in contact with by liking their Facebook status, or that person in class who you pester for a sheet of paper and pen because the teacher has sprung a pop quiz and you only brought a laptop to class. As you can see, there are varying levels of friendship.
But, how well do you really know your friends? I’m not talking about knowing their last name, or if they watch sports, or if they have siblings. That stuff is too easy. That is level one friendship stuff, and the answers to those can be figured out within the first week of knowing someone, or a thorough stalking of their Facebook page.
Some of you sweating yet? Not sure of some basic information about friends that you have known for a while? That’s not good. Stop reading this right now and go…actually, finish reading this, and then go stalk their Facebook page.
For about the last year, I have been developing my own friendship quiz and updating it when I feel the need. Why? Well, it started when I realized that one of my best friends and I, do not agree on anything, except a few things. How could this happen? Should we terminate the friendship? I don’t know how I am friends with her, and I don’t know how she is friends with me. It’s truly a Christmas miracle. Thanks, Santa!
Anyways, this quiz isn’t a conventional quiz. There is no set answer key. The answer key is different for everyone. The correct answer is whatever your answer is. If one of your friends answers differently, then you have the authority to tell them, in whichever tone of voice you choose, that they are wrong. The questions are predominantly about habits and the way in which you do things on a daily basis. They follow an “either/or” pattern. I promise you that you have never seen a test like this in school before.
Ready for the test? Sure you are. It is 24 questions. After each question, I’ll give my personal answer in bold and any necessary commentary. And remember, EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPER. Sorry, always wanted to say that. Here we go…
1. Toilet paper roll over, or under? Under
I’ve always felt like if the paper is rolling over, it is being too aggressive and is telling me to hurry up. Too much information? No, I’m just exposing the, “toilet paper roll over” for what it is.
2. Do you sleep on your stomach? Yes
3. Which hand do you open a water bottle with? Right Hand
4. What do you call the thing that controls the television? Channel Changer
I receive a ton of verbal abuse when people find out that this is what I call their, “remote” or “converter.” I’ve heard it all. “It does more than change channels.” REALLY? YOU DON’T SAY! Let me ask you a question, what exactly are you converting? This isn’t math class. We’re not adding and subtracting fractions. We’re flipping the flippin’ channels! Alright, next question.
5. When you wear shoes with laces, do you slip them on, or tie them each time? Slip on
Why am I going to bend over and tie my shoes every time? Add up all that back strain and you’ll feel it in 30 years. It’s like a time capsule of pain that you’re sending yourself.
6. From your perspective, which side of your mouth do you start brushing your teeth on? Left Side
Some of you probably just thought, what kind of question is that? Don’t you hate it when a question you’re not expecting, shows up on a test? That’s what just happened. Next…
7. Drinking from a milk carton – straw or no straw? Straw
8. Shopping Cart OR Buggy? Buggy
Why say two words, when you can say one? Great, now one of you is going to get smart with me and comment, “But Paul, on question 4, you called it a channel changer, that’s two words.” My response: my answer key says you’re wrong. Moving on…
9. Do you staple your essay straight across the top, or on a diagonal? Diagonal
Next time you hand in an essay in a big pile, I give you the permission to judge people who didn’t staple their essay the same way as you. Even send them glares during class. Great way to pass the time.
10. Kleenex OR Tissue? KLEENEX
Don’t tell me that Kleenex is the brand. I know that. Tissue sounds very formal. And, I’ve never been a fan of the “ss” in tissue making an “sh” sound. The second “s” never makes a sound! Who ever heard of a silent “s”? I guess you can say I have an issue with tissue. Besides, Kleenex just sounds like a clean word.
11. One leg hanging out of the bedsheets OR both tucked in? One Out
It’s all about body temperature management. It’s like wearing a hoodie with shorts. They should teach this in school because I’m tired of hearing people complain about how hot/cold they are when they aren’t dressed properly. Life Skills 101.
12. Do you put soap on your hands BEFORE wetting your hands, OR AFTER? After
You can’t rub soap on your dry hands, what’s wrong with you? They have to be wet first.
13. Turn on shower BEFORE, or AFTER getting in? Before
I don’t care how far away from the shower head you stand, you are never safe from the wrath of the initial cold water that comes out. It will find you.
14. How do you pronounce “pasta?” Pahhhhhsta Or Pawsta? Pawsta
I get verbal abuse on this one all the time, too. My Italian Nonna pronounces it as Pawsta. Nonna knows best. I’m not about to start taking advice on how to say “pasta” from people who aren’t even Italian! Geesh. If you are Italian and you say, “Pahhhhhsta”, I’ll forgive you.
15. Do you spin your spaghetti on your fork and then eat it? Nope
What am I trying to do, create a twister? I’ve been told that spinning your spaghetti is the proper and polite way to do it. I’m sorry, what part of mashing food between your teeth, while looking at other people, is polite? Why do people constantly have to make eating sound so delicate. It’s not! Get rid of all the extra cutlery. I don’t need four plates, three forks, two spoons, and a partridge in a pear tree to eat bread, salad, and soup. Just don’t chew like a camel, and don’t talk when you’re eating – that’s it. Everything else, fair game.
16. Napkin OR Serviette? Serviette
I feel like I’m dining with the Queen and need to use a British accent if I ask someone to pass a napkin. Sounds way too formal.
17. Supper OR Dinner? Supper
I say dinner sometimes, but only if it’s a special occasion.
18. Do you brush your teeth BEFORE, or AFTER having breakfast? After
The only time I’ll do it before is if I’m leaving the house to go to brunch at a restaurant.
19. Crunchy Cheezies, OR Puffy Cheezies? TEAM PUFFY
There is a long back story behind this one that I won’t share right now. Bottom line: I challenge everyone reading this to text everyone on their contact list, and ask them an either/or question, just like this one, and see what sort of responses you get. Great way to kill two hours, especially when you have homework, trust me.
20. Do you call them Slush Pants, OR Splash Pants? Slush Pants
I realize you can also call them snow pants, but that wasn’t the root of my debate one day last winter. My best friend and I got into a very heated argument about this in a quiet library. It resulted in two black eyes, sore shins, shattered egos and a Facebook poll. I’ll let you decide which one of those four things actually happened. As for my thoughts on the term, “splash pants?” Well, it sounds childish. It sounds like you’re a duck. And it sounds like you have special pants when it rains. I never had special pants for rain. Snow however, that is when the slush pants come out.
21. Knapsack OR Backpack. Knapsack
I’ve been calling it that since the first day of Junior Kindergarten; don’t try to change me now.
22. Which three fingers do you hold up when you count to three on your hands? Thumb, Index, Middle
23. Do you put ketchup on macaroni and cheese? Hell no
I barely put my mouth on macaroni and cheese. That stuff can be nasty sometimes. But ketchup? What? I didn’t know that was a thing until three years ago.
24. Ketchup on top of your fries, OR on the side so you can dip? On the side
It’s cleaner and helps create an even distribution to all french fries. I’ve also seen people use a ketchup packet to apply ketchup to each individual fry, before they ate it. Folks, it’s called eating. This is not arts and crafts. You make it look like you’re squeezing glue out of a bottle.
And that’s the quiz I have put together, so far. I had to leave out a few things because they would be too hard to relay with words – an in-person demonstration would be necessary.
After doing that quiz, now how well do you know your friends? These are things you can’t really find on their Facebook page. These are the unimportant, important things that strengthen a friendship (results may vary).
When I presented these questions to some of my friends, most of the time, they didn’t have the same answer as me. Yet we’re still friends.
So does this quiz even matter? I’d say, yes. And not just because I created it. I’ve always believed that the little things matter. Everything on this quiz can be classified as a “little thing.” They are things that you only learn about someone when you truly pay attention, or when you bombard them with the quiz in a cafeteria, which is very effective.
You know the saying, “Man, you think you know someone…” Well, the people who say that are the ones who don’t pay attention. They are the ones who never take the time to learn the little things.
Tonight’s homework: Learn the little things.